Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think it's sad when people keep score of what gets done where.
I totally understand that there are things that need to be done around your house, but, do you know what some people would give to have a caring son like your husband?
Maybe it's true and your father-in-law's house could have been completed 5 years ago. But, the project keeps your husband and his dad plugging along and connected.
It sounds like you have at least two sons. What if one day, your husband really wanted or needed to be connected with them, even though they had a family and their own home, and one or both of your sons said, "Sorry, Dad....roof's leaking and the car needs an oil change and we need to paint here. I can't find the time to help you right now."
My grandfather died when my grandmother was still a young woman. She raised a daughter and 3 boys all by herself. You better believe, anything that woman ever needed when she got older was taken care of for her. She was too proud to ever ask, but there was no question, from the beginning, when my aunt and dad and uncles got married, she would be taken care of out of reverance for everything she sacrificed for them all her life. It wasn't out of duty, or a chore...they adored her. It was out of pure love.
My dad was he first of the siblings to pass away. I'm still not over it. He lived 3,000 miles away and I wasn't able to see him nearly as much as I wish I could have.
Once time is gone, there's no getting it back, that's all I know.
You got upset and what did you do?
You called your mom.
It doesn't matter how old we get, we still need and love our parents.
I think your mom gave you some really good advice.
Your husband is being a great son. Let it go.
Hope that your sons will be as good to you.
I have a friend who's husband is a firefighter. He's fought on these huge California fires. Of course she worries. But, she learned early in their marriage not to complain. She didn't have the husband at home every night thing. She didn't have the take out the trash, mow the lawn, clean the gutters, fix the shingles on the roof and whatever else I post on the refrigerator for you to do type of husband.
To keep from driving herself crazy about where her husband was because they couldn't always even stay in contact, she painted the house. She cleaned the gutters. She fixed the shingles and kept up on the car maintenance. She realized it didn't have to be a matter of "my husband does it or it doesn't get done and then I'm going to be mad."
Your in-laws won't be around forever. Your husband won't be gone seeing them or helping them on projects into infinity.
It really hurts to lose a parent and the one thing you always wonder is if you showed them how much you love them.
Yes, we get married and we have our own families, but deep down we are still the kid who got tucked into bed every night or taught how to play baseball or showed how to make bubble bath beards.
Some people, as they get older, realize how short life is and we begin to realize that our parents won't be around forever. As a kid, you don't think about that stuff.
I don't think your husband is doing anything wrong.
I think you should be proud of him and support him and let your sons see as an example that even when you get older, you still love your parents.
When you get old, you'll hope your kids remember that.
I see both sides and I don't know what the answer is, but I hope you won't give your husband too bad a time about. It's not like they live 3 blocks away and they call him every 15 minutes to come over.
I didn't look at the other responses, but I wish you the best and hope you can find a middle ground with your husband.