Holding Him Back?

I work in the schools and the kids that have those early birthdates really do benefit from another year. We offer young five's and we also have a transitional 1st grade. The parents that refuse often hear about how their child is struggling EVERY year. The ones that agree, even reluctantly at first, 9 out of 10 times are glad they decided to give their child the time to grow. They end being top of the class rather than struggling to keep afloat. (I know academics aren't his issue, but it all ties together.) I think that the self esteem will be better if he can relate better to his peers. At this age, retentions are easier because peers aren't really aware.

We sent our son to school early (he's also an August birthday). He does fine academically, in second grade reads at a 4th-5th grade level and does fine in math. However, he has trouble fitting in with the other kids. I don't know how much is how conservative we are with what he's exposed to at home, or the fact that he still listens to and obeys the rules, while others in his class have gotten to the point where they think they know better. I do know that there's a shift in the way their brains work around 4th grade, so think about that down the line. I still question whether we should have held him back. I hope I helped.

Hi S.,

From an educators perspective, it is a good decision to hold him back now if there is a question of him being ready socially/emotionally. I have first graders in my class for the 2nd time, and they don't even realize nor does anyone else that they were held back. I can't stress enough the importance of doing it now versus waiting and having it happen later. He will know as will his peers if he is in a higher grade and needs to be held back. Good Luck with your decision, I know it is not an easy one:)

H.

If you plan to keep him in a school that will address his emotional needs, I wouldn't be concerned at all. Not at that age. It seems to be a critical developmental year. 2nd grade expects more maturity. You need to treat it very matter-of-fact and not feel angst yourself about it, or he may feel that. And since he is going to be academically advanced, maturity will be important in future education. I couldn't afford private schools for my 3 gifted kids, and boredom is our real challenge. But the elementary is really good at addressing their emotional needs. My oldest has a Nov B'Day and I started him young because he was obviously ready. I'm glad I did, but maturity can be an issue now that he's in 8th grade. Luckily he's physically mature, because I think that's really hard for boys to be the last to grow. My middle son is also a Nov B'Day and I waited to start him because he wasn't emotionally ready. He is more immature than my oldest was, but he actually seems to be a better student. He questioned why he was 2 years younger than his brother but 3 years behind in school a few times, but hasn't dwelled on it. I never regret either decision. If you haven't already visited these, here are 3 websites I used to educate myself once I realized my kids were smarter than me!
http://www.sengifted.org, http://www.hoagiesgifted.org and http://www.migiftedchild.org

I hope this helps you. I was a child in your son's similar situation, although my parents sent me to public school. My birthday is in July. I repeated Kindrgarten because of social immaturity. I want you to know that for me, I was much happier. If you are going to hold him back it is best to do it now while he is little. The longer you wait the more it WILL effect him. There isn't the stigma with being held back with kids who are really young. But wait until 3rd grade, and everybody will remember and he will get picked on. However, if you feel he will get frustrated becaue he won't find the work challenging enough, that won't work well either. But for me, it was the right decision for my parents to hold me back. I also remember there was a meeting and everybody asked me what I wanted to do. It made me feel better to think I was involved with the decision.
Good luck, I know this is a tough one.

I was a very bright child. I was a january birthday so I did not get to go to school as early as your son.

I would hold him back. It is more important that he is well rounded and able to handle all types of social situations. Academics are the least of the things kids learn in school.

-- My friend had a very bright daughter.. she homeschooled her - she started her with the first grade curriculum at age 5-- she did fine..

But they sent a girl off to college at 17 .... she had just turned 17 in august.. My friend wishes that she would have waited a year for school..

She was too young and too immature to go off to college.

Wait on the education. enroll him in some extra classes to stimulate him mind.

put the emphasis of any move on getting to meet new friends... Not on the number of the grade.

Dear S.,
I have a third grade girl who has a b-day July 31. She is eight now. She has Aspergers Syndrome, which is a form of high functioning autism. She is very very smart so the school encouraged me to push her through even though I was very hesitant because in first grade she was rated at about 2 and 1/2 emotionally and socially. I did do it. I really really regret it. I wish I would have held her back. Now that she is older the school will not hold her back. And she does have a few close friends in her class but They are into the whole Hannah Montana thing and she is still at Dora the Explorer. She really struggles.
I also have a boy who has high functioning autism. He is 11 and his b-day is Aug 24. I did hold him back and he is doing fine. I do not regret it at all.
Your son is so young he will adapt and make new friends. I know that it is hard. Take Care, M.

I would think it is much to better to "hold him back" now as opossed to potentially having to do so once he is older.

I have an 11 yr. old young man who was held back when he was in kindergarten due to his October b-day. Now he is in the 5th grade but he is in a charter school which allows him to be doing 6th grade work. So really he is in 6th grade now. I really don't feel holding him back made a difference. I also have a newly turned 7 yr. old daughter who skipped most of kindergarten and has been doing 2nd grade work most of her 1st grade year. She could have moved to the 2nd grade mid year but at this point thought it was best to leave her with kids more her age. If he can handle the work load that comes along with 2nd grade then let him move up! Holding a kid back due to how he acts around the kids doesn't seem like a good enough reason. Kids adapt to their surroundings. Good Luck!