Holding a Child Back in School...

Updated on March 24, 2016
O.L. asks from Long Beach, CA
22 answers

My 7-year old son is struggling in 2nd grade. I'm just finding out right now how significantly he is behind. We had conferences in November and his report card had some weaknesses, but as of now, those weaknesses have multiplied. He is struggling with basic addition, subtraction, writing, etc. He definitely has some developmental delays, so I'm trying to wrap my head around several things and I have a meeting with the principal today.

My son knows that things are hard for him, so when someone tries to challenge my perspective on holding him back, my response is, "Isn't it increasingly hard as a child learns that they are not capable, not keeping up, and that they are even further behind (sometimes years behind their peers?" My feeling is that we need to consider having him repeat 2nd grade. He is missing basic foundational math skills and he needs a lot of work in writing. I'm meeting with the principal to ramp up my son's IEP, but i'm disappointed that I'm JUST NOW hearing about how MUCH he is struggling. That tells me a) he doesn't have enough of the right type of support b) he may be in the wrong environment for learning and/or c) he needs to repeat 2nd grade with the proper supports in place so that he can feel capable and more confident. Right now he KNOWS he is struggling.

I also feel like WHY are we in such a rush to have our kids be pushed through school when they are not ready? The school districts are not going to offer to retain your child because it costs them more money. I feel like I can't rely on them for that advice.

If you fast forward to junior high--If he is on this same path that we are on now, he will even MORE behind with very little confidence and self esteem. That's when things become more dangerous because kids seek out drugs, etc. to cope with these feelings of inadequacy.

So, my question is, has anyone had their child repeat a year? If so, what grade and did you find it to be helpful?

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Doesn't sound like holding him back will help. It's almost the end of the school year and everyone is just realizing he is struggling. Seems to me there is a communication problem. He needs his IEP changed and new and more intense services added

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P.1.

answers from San Francisco on

If your child is truly "delayed," holding him back a year isn't likely to do a gosh darn thing (except maybe cause problems if he turns 18 his junior year). If your child is only "behind," then I would see out a Sylvan or Mathnasium or other tutoring program over the summer to fill in the gaps.

An IEP is designed to allow the child to be successful at the level they are CAPABLE of working at, not necessarily at grade level - meaning, if you held the kid back 3 years in a row, they would still be struggling with concepts or need help with organization, or need to sit in the front of the classroom, or need a room with five or less students in in, or need a one on one para, or whatever. Tutoring is designed to fill in gaps that students have missed for various reasons (and can include being delayed).

Which is your kid? Delayed or behind - either way, retention is not the answer (I personally think retention should only be used in K or 1st grade for reasons of social maturity, and even then, used sparingly). Delayed? IEP and every type of therapy you can think of. Behind, hire a tutor and get your kid caught up.

Also, try to get over how frustrated YOU are that you are just now hearing about this. You're lucky - I bet there are tons of moms on this board that got this newsflash in 5th grade, or 8th grade, or in high school. Also, try to look at the school and its administration in a favorable light . . . if your kiddo needs extra help, these are the folks that are going to give it to you. Creating an adversarial situation is going to only hurt you for the next 10 or so years.

Good luck.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

There are definite reasons to hold a child back, and reasons to not hold a child back. There is no one size fits all answer. Variations in aptitude from grades K-3 are HUGE and that's normal. A child can be ahead in an area during one grading period, then drop behind in that area when a new level of skill is introduced, and vice-versa.

My kids' elementary school uses the RTI (Response to Intervention) model for this exact reason. With regular assessments of skills (not all testing all the time, but certain assignments are given specifically to gauge mastery of an area), they can flag when something seems off track and get the child some extra support immediately instead of waiting for an education evaluation, and IEP to be implemented or changed, etc. The extra support is immediate - child is falling behind in reading fluency, he goes into an extra support reading group for 6-8 weeks and then is reevaluated to see if he needs continued small group work or not. Falling behind on addition facts, works with a helper in a small group setting to master those. And so on, and so forth. When RTI doesn't show positive results or they feel the problems are pervasive, then they move on to more formal evaluations, etc. This model works for most kids because it addresses the normal, age-appropriate variations in their learning without the dramatic, disruptive move of retention. By the end of 3rd grade, most students settle into a less erratic learning pattern.

That said, two of my younger siblings were held back, my brother in 1st grade and my sister in K. My sister was an easy case - she was born in November (December cutoff back then) and just wasn't mature enough to get through the day. My brother was actually one of the oldest kids in his class, but we were in Catholic school and it became apparent during the year that he needed SPED services that they couldn't provide so they focused the latter half of the year on testing, evaluation and placement for the next year and had him start over in 1st grade in public school. It was the right move for both of them.

While retention may be the right move for your child, I do see some catastrophic thinking in your question that may be clouding your judgment. Struggling today doesn't mean struggling tomorrow or forever. Struggling isn't a bad thing, it's where the learning is. You're right in that struggling with everything, all the time can be demotivating and damage self esteem but with the right support, he may very well turn a corner. My oldest hated school by the end of first grade, when he couldn't read, write, spell, add or subtract. His testing came back low but not low enough for services. In 2nd grade, with a better teacher and private tutor I hired for the entire school year, he was back on grade level in most areas (still on the low end, but there) and feeling much better about school. He did eventually qualify for an IEP in 4th grade and has been on it ever since (now a high school senior). School isn't easy for him, but he does enjoy it due to having received the right support. We were able to undue the damage that first grade did.

I would just encourage you to keep an open mind, and if you can afford it, maybe try to schedule a consult with an educational advocate in your area who is qualified to go over everything and weigh in on the best course of action. It can be hard to trust the school district to do what's right. but give them the benefit of the doubt and at least hear what they have to say with an open mind.

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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

The thing about having him repeat a year is that it is most beneficial when there are concerns about maturity. My oldest son was born in July and would have been one of the youngest in his class. He was not ready!!! We did have him wait until he was 6 to start kindergarten. Best decision for him! He fits right in with his classmates. Our youngest has special needs and a March birthday. We were asked if we wanted to wait, but we said no. Academics wasn't the problem. I'm not really sure maturity is the problem. He has special needs, and they need to be addressed. Having him wait an extra year wasn't going to make a difference. It would just put him in a different class, and he would still have the same challenges.

I think your concerns are definitely valid, but before jumping to having him repeat 2nd grade, you should really consider other options.

First, you have an IEP in place. Great! What are the teachers seeing? Does he know what he's doing but just cannot finish as fast as the other students? Would giving him extra time do the trick? Maybe he doesn't understand the concepts and is genuinely behind but extra resource time would do the trick.

If the teachers agree that he cannot catch up by the end of the year or that trying to do so would be too much, what about summer school. Does your school offer summer school? Is that something you could fit into your schedule? If not, what about hiring a tutor to work with him for a couple of hours each week during the summer?

You need to make a list of your concerns and really listen to what the teachers are saying. You need to hear their suggestions. They may have great ideas.

I wouldn't be too quick to assume that a school is not going to consider retention because it costs them money. They are in education because they care about children. Special ed teachers are usually the most caring, loving teachers. They want to work with children with special needs. It's their passion, and they want what's best for your son. They may honestly believe that retention is not in your son's best interest, and if they say that, please listen carefully to what they are saying. If you don't agree, that's one thing. But do listen to what they have to say.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

I think in the past you've said your child is high functioning, on the spectrum, but has a lot of anxiety, to the point where you were considering medicating him in the past. You mentioned he has behavioral issues that are quite significant and impact his relationships.

I think like the moms below you need to have a meeting with all parties involved. Figure out what he needs, get their advice, and go from there. Just deciding today that holding him back might be best ... seems kind of rash to me. You don't mention what you personally have tried. I think with his situation you can't just rely on the school.

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C.S.

answers from St. Louis on

No my child has not been held back, however, she was significantly behind in 1st grade. I think you know best what you are dealing with when you say he is behind. I know there are two schools of thought on holding children back, but I think they get over flak from other students in time.

As for just hearing about this...does your school post your sons grades online for you to look at on a daily basis? I can see how my daughter did on every assignment. You may want to ask the principal about having access to a progress report. They should supply something in writing if they cannot provide it online.

I giggle because when I was in school, I learned to write my full name, where a period belongs, very basic reading, and how to read a number line. I may have learned how to add at the end of the school year (it's been awhile). Now, I look at the books these kids are reading today and I am amazed that it is possible. Back to my daughter being behind, we started her in the Kumon reading program and after a year we saw how it helped her in reading so we took on the math program as well. At the same time, she was also in the reading program at school. Every kid is different with how they learn. I found that studying ahead a little helped, as well as the repetition of Kumon. Not everyone agrees with the method, but like I said, every kid is different. To study ahead, I use a book called "What your 1st grader should know". They are available for every year and I get one per year.

With that, my daughter had 2nd honors this last trimester and is holding strong in the 3rd trimester.

Best wishes, I hope all goes well with your meeting.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

No one's going to advocate for your child better than you. So I think you're wise to keep asking questions. I think it's okay that you asked the other day about extra support, and today you are asking about repeating a grade. It's March, and you have really until May to get things in place before school ends in June. So DO entertain more than one solution.

But also talk to more than one person in the schools. Yes, the teacher is there every day and observing your child's struggles, but she is just one person with strengths and weaknesses, possible biases, etc. So also get some "fresh eyes" in there with some special ed people in the regular classroom (including those who pull him out for other support, if you can - I know they have a schedule and other kids to work with), plus the school psychologist or someone from the district office who may "float" from school to school. It may be that repeating a grade works great - I saw this a couple of times in my small school and the child flourished the 2nd year. But it also may make sense to look at what else is available - I've seen other kids go to a more specialized program outside of the regular school. And the district pays for that so you may have to advocate heavily for it because it, and transportation, are more expensive.

I have very very mixed feelings about getting a tutor. He's 7. There is so much research coming out now about kids who are already putting in a full day, and then they come home to do several hours of homework. Some are getting tutoring too, either for special needs or because the parents have put them in a Kumon or similar type program for academic advancement. The analogy is, how would you like to work an 8 hour day plus have commuting time, and then come home to do even more work? We have a lot of stressed out kids, and some studies are claiming that today's high school kids have as much anxiety as mental patients in the 1950s. While more work needs to be done, you might consider if taking a struggling child and giving him even more to struggle with is a wise strategy, or if it will backfire and make him feel even more stressed and more poorly about himself and his abilities. Maybe it's better to look at what is expected in this school district (and things like Common Core and high stakes testing are being evaluated all over the place), and whether it's a good fit for him overall.

Good luck - I know it's not easy.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I hope you're meeting with more than just the principal. My daughter's IEP meetings were a TEAM effort, including parent, principal, classroom teacher, resource teacher and school psychologist. And my daughter was always present for at least part of the meeting as well. I would feel overwhelmed trying to make these decisions on my own. Contrary to popular belief parents don't always know best, and it's almost always impossible to keep our emotions in check. We need support and guidance from the professionals who work with our children every day.
As far as holding him back, this could be a good choice, and he's still young enough that he shouldn't suffer too much stigma, but I would really, really implore you to listen to the team, objectively.

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E.J.

answers from Chicago on

I read your question from the other day and didn't get a chance to respond, but I completely agree with what Nervy Girl had to say.

I very often throw around the idea of homeschooling my kids because it seems like such a good option to personalize their educational needs.

That said, I have an older L. friend. She has two special needs kids. Her daughter is blind and her son is ADHD. This is 30+ years ago. The school would not provide any accommodations for her son and he was labeled a "trouble maker". Our school system out here has been rated one of the best and has been for years, which is one of the reasons she moved here (believing her children could get services).

After years of struggling with teachers, and fighting all the politics in the schools regarding her son's diagnosis, needs and educational assistance (all of which the school repeatedly denied), she had a private (expensive) and thorough evaluation done. The evaluation stated that he was in desperate need of services and outlined the recommended services and further evaluations. She brought it to the school and by law they now had to accommodate him. But she (and he) had a very tenuous relationship with the school system until he graduated (edit: but she felt it was worth the fight).I just thought I should share it with you.

Also, another poster( J.B.) to this question mentioned an educational advocate. I think that is a great suggestion. I was actually contacting and waiting for my OT friend about one she has worked with (out here though ), but I was hoping she could refer you to someone out by you.

This L. is well educated and used to work in the school system. She became so disgusted by the lack of communication between parents with special needs and the schools regarding the schools' loopholes to get the child deserved services that she quit working for the schools and started her own advocacy center for parents. I have not met her and have no affiliation with her but have heard how happy parents are with her work. She is in Illinois though. I can send you the link if you want to pm me.

But an educational advocate will explain your legal rights, that of the school, and the resources available and provide some guidance to help you.

I do think trying alternatives before holding him back is a good idea!

Such a tough position, I hope you find the answers you need.

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D.D.

answers from Boston on

Your last question was about modifying his IEP and this one is about holding him back? I think you need to pick a lane and drive instead of wandering all over the road. Figure out what's best for your son by taking all the facts and data you have and looking at it.

Your son is struggling in several things. Are these things something that would benefit from additional help and practice at home? Are these things something he'll probably struggle with for years to come because of his learning style vs how things are taught?

Is he mature and acting age appropriate? Does he have friends at school? How would he feel in the cafeteria and playground seeing all his old friends that are now a year ahead of him? Will he be brought down because he'll be the oldest in his class surrounded by younger less mature kids?

As far as missing basic skills that's something you can fill in with tutoring or doing it with him at home. My son had issues with language; couldn't read or write at the start of second grade. He had a IEP but I wasn't happy with how things were going so I decided to do it myself. I went to the library and got out picture books with a word or two on each page. He gained confidence in his abilities. We moved up to easy readers and by the end of 2nd grade he was reading at grade level. I have sliding glass doors in my great room and we used window markers to write on them practicing letters and numbers. Mistakes were wiped away so it was easy to practice and be successful.

Was it fun for me? Nope. Was it something school should have been doing? Sure was. But you have to get in there and move things along because in the end you are the one who cares the most and wants the best for your son.

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J.P.

answers from Orlando on

Are you working with your son at home? Can you get a tutor (or tutor him yourself) to help him get on track?

Sounds like he is having trouble understanding these subjects and needs help with that. You are the parent and have the final say in your child's education, but if the school system isn't helping him to understand or learn the basics then keeping him back wont help.

Not all children learn the same way (which is the biggest problem I have with Common Core), find a tutor that will help with his learning style and get him help now and over the summer to bring him to the same level as rest of his peers.

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D..

answers from Miami on

I'm sorry you're going through this. I do think that your son needs a battery of tests at this point. And I actually think that you should go the private route, because the school has to accept the testing results.

Do you have a children's hospital near you? Ask for a referral to have him tested by a speech therapist. It's not about his speech, mind you. It's about testing his language - expressive and receptive. You also should talk to the speech therapist about how he processes language. If he has a processing disorder, that is a concern that you need help figuring out. The speech therapist can help you find someone to test for this as well. Also ask for a pyscho-educational evaluation. This test is done by a child psychologist and tests HOW a child learns, where their strengths and weaknesses are, etc. The doctor can give you some very good advice about how to proceed. The school will need to go by this testing to help your son. He may qualify for having a helper work with him in class. This would possibly make a big difference for him, and if he qualifies, the school has to do it. But sometimes you have to push like the dickens to get them to listen, which is why I think that private testing by a children's hospital is best. Sometimes medical insurance will pay for the evaluations. They did for my son.

Another thing that you should consider is having him tested by an occupational therapist. Part of his developmental delays could have to do with sensory processing, or other issues. If she feels that there is more to it, an evaluation with a pediatric neurologist would be in order.

I agree with you that it's disheartening to see that you are just now learning how behind your son is. I do hope that you'll get started on testing. I know it feels like a long road, but truly, information is power. You can start to get services and help when you know what you are really dealing with. I don't think I'd want to make the decision to hold him back until you know more. At any rate, summer should be a time of intense tutoring.

Thinking of you and hoping for the best for you and your son...

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I did not, but I did encourage my DIL to hold my GD back in second grade. she did and it was the BEST thing she could have done. It allowed my GD to have some academic success which has really helped with self-esteem issues. I agree that they have to have that solid foundation in the basics - reading, writing and arithmetic. If they don't have that solid foundation, they will always struggle and their self-esteem suffers, they are constantly frustrated and feeling hopeless and end up hating school and becoming that problem student.

Go with your gut, mom. You and only you are concerned about your child's well-being after this school year ends. His teacher moves on to another classroom of kids; the principal really could care less, and only you are left all alone caring about how your son progresses into adulthood. Do what YOU think is best.

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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My background is developmental disabilities so I have two thought threads on this.

Age and ability. Both are valid but only you know the extent of his learning disabilities.

AGE
It depends on when he turns 18. Seriously, it's really hard on kids who turn 18 their junior year. They don't have to continue, they can just walk out and stop going. The department of education stated in a report that I read that 40%+ don't graduate high school if they are held back or don't graduate that year they turn 18.

I think that is something to consider. Some regions would see this more than others of course, this study was across the USA since it came from the department of education. So holding kids back if they are doing well in other areas isn't okay in my mind. My husband didn't read until he was in 2nd grade. His mom sent him to SLC to stay with his grandmother for the summer and grandma read to him every day from the Book of Mormon. By the end of summer he was reading 2 grade levels above. When he went back to school his mom had him tested and he was put up a grade then he finished high school a year early and went into the Merchant Marines.

He's a genius, seriously, tested genius. Was going to be held back because that little switch hadn't turned on for his eyes and brain to work together to get the information in his mind.

ABILITY
I think you know he has some learning disabilities or developmental delays. You didn't say what but if they are serious enough for him to have an IEP, well, that's something you have to consider. Will he ever be able to work at the same level as the kids his age? Will he end up in more specialized classes for kids that can't do the same work as other kids? Not saying he'll end up in the special ed classes, I'm talking about the classes where they pull him out for reading and math and stuff.

I know people who've lived with developmental disabilities and their goal was to graduate high school. They got to stay in their special ed class until they turned 20 or 21 and then got to walk and get a diploma. Did they actually pass high school? No, they got a diploma because they went to school and did what they were capable of. There was no way they could be mainstreamed and not be overwhelmed and feel bad about themselves. That's an issue that all kids go through when they don't move up with their friends. They are dumped by them and the younger kids in their new class are their new peers. Then they go play sports and they are put back with the older kids and they don't have any friends on their team anymore. It can be vicious.

I would truly look at his disability and why he's behind. Is it a cognitive thing? Is it the teacher didn't change it around and present it to him how he learns? Did he just not understand the material and stopped paying attention? What happened in that classroom? That's what you need to find the answers to. If he was capable but the teacher just didn't teach him how he needed then he can learn this over the summer if you work with him. Why not do summer school with a different teacher and see if it makes a difference, then decide in July or August?

General thoughts
The list below is pretty much the accepted ages for school because of when kids turn 18. It's not carved in stone but it should be a good guideline for when they should be developmentally able to do the things on this grade level. Like a kindergartner wouldn't have the cognitive ability to process a novel and write a book report on it plus give an oral summary of it. But a senior probably could. They have a different level of cognitive ability.

5-6 K
6-7 1
7-8 2
8-9 3
9-10 4
10-11 5
11-12 6
12-13 7
13-14 8
14-15 9
15-16 10
16-17 11
17-18 12

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F.W.

answers from Danville on

I have hesitated in answering this question.

After much thought (and reading all responses) I thought I might send you to this link:

http://www.peatc.org/

That is for the "Parent Education and Advocacy Training Center".

Although their main office is outside of DC, they have regional offices nationwide.

Also, most school systems have a 'parent education/resource center'. It is staffed by parents who have experience with getting services (or not) in YOUR particular school district.

I absolutely agree with some suggestions below to have your child thoroughly evaluated. Early intervention is KEY in my opinion; and as others have said, knowledge IS power.

I wish you all the best in getting your son the services and support he needs.

ETA

My MISTAKE!!! The PEATC is in virginia!! However, I still feel a phone call (and they do have an 800 #) may be worth it. They would be aware of other organizations similar nationwide.

I ASSumed they were national.

Best!!

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

What does his teacher recommend? She.has experience with this kind of situation and your son. She knows the system and how it can help or harm a child.

I don't understand your comment about the district district getting more money if they retain a child. Receiving money is based on # of school days for the year and on attendance. It is based on total enrollment, not on grade level. .Even if what you say were true, your son's teacher has much more interest and investment of time and energy in helping your child learn than in how much money the district will receive. And.....the school board is NOT involved in day to day workings of each school. They will not be involved in deciding what each child needs.

You have legitimate concerns. I'm glad you're asking them. However, each child is different, each school is different, each parent is different. How some other child adjusts will not tell you how your child will adjust.

I'm back to what does his teacher recommend. What are her answers to your question? What does the IEP team suggest? They, too, are professionals who care about your child and know the system.

My granddaughter and grandson have IEPs. I've been involved in report and planning meetings during which they discuss educational needs and how to best help my grandchildren. The role of that team is important in helping children learn.

A suggestion for helping your son catch up is for you to spend time with him, using educational programs. Ask his teacher what material will help you help him. Or you can hire a tutor or enroll him in a program such as Kumon.

Perhaps his teacher wants your son to move ahead because she knows at least some of this difficulty is based on your son's developmental stage. Sometimes kids who aren't doing well at first "get it" a few months or grade level later.

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E.B.

answers from Honolulu on

How often do you and the school staff (teachers, and whomever is responsible for implementing his IEP) meet to discuss progress, what changes need to be made, what needs to happen? My dd had a 504, not an IEP, but the school explained that 504s and IEPs each need regular assessments, by all the responsible parties (including parents, and any input from doctors or therapists or other professionals whom the child sees outside of the school setting). If your child's IEP team isn't being proactive, that's a pretty serious lapse. And just repeating a grade with such a lapse in attentiveness to the IEP isn't really going to help.

My daughter took 7 years to complete high school. She didn't fail classes, but instead she took half course-loads due to her medical situation. After a dismal first attempt in the public high school, we switched her to an online school that was absolutely supportive, encouraging and wonderful.

It sounds to me as though your son's educational environment needs to be assessed, not just repeated. Why is your IEP team not communicating with you? Ask the principal what the usual IEP reports should be, and how often the team should meet, and how they should communicate with you.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

It's not just about retaining him. If he does 2nd again but still has all the same learning problems and diagnosis, then will it really be any better or will he be failing 3rd later?

In this case, I think that not only do you need to push for his IEP to address his needs, but to also find out why it took this long to get the real deal on where he is. Like someone else said, there should be a whole team meeting - his teachers, the administration, the special education department, etc. Are his delays being supported and taken in to consideration? That said, the IEP itself may provide an avenue for him to be promoted with the understanding that the expectations for him are modified due to his learning disabilities. A friend's son has Autism, he has an aide, he doesn't do everything exactly on time with his peers, and sometimes the lessons are modified for him. But he's still been able to be promoted to middle school with the rest of the kids.

It sounds to me like there's a disconnect between you and the school regarding his abilities, his/your rights, their responsibilities and what it all means in the IEP and the classroom. I hope you get answers, but unfortunately you would not be the first or last family to fight a school for what their child needs. Due to everything he is dealing with, I think you and the school need a long term plan because if he is not a neurotypical child, then some practices do not apply. What I would do for my child is different than what you should do for yours, because he has challenges above and beyond grasping these concepts. His goals need to be different to support him where he is and where he needs to and can be.

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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

If you feel your child needs more time in second grade, then hold him back. What is worse to push him forward and he fall further behind or hold him back and let him learn what he is missing?

I say this from the standpoint that I held my daughter back in second grade. I explained to her that it was not a punishment but that she needed more time to learn to process what was being presented by the teacher. It was the best thing for her. She was able to learn the lessons and to move forward. The retention was done at an early age and the stigma was not there.

Parents should be able to retain their child if the child has a problem. Parents should have the last say so and not the school board about how your child is progressing. The school board is in the "business" of teaching children to take tests and not much on how to retain important information for the future. I won't get into this subject matter. I will get off my soapbox now.

Just remember to speak with your spouse, the teacher, the school board and make a decision based on the known facts and what can be done to help the child.

Do keep us posted.

the other S.

PS My child is now 39 and has done well in knowing how to do the work and is self-sufficient and on her own.

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am not against holding a child back but in 2nd grade, he will know and understand that he is being held back because he is struggling. My main concern would be if you hold him back and he still continues to struggle then what? You can't keep holding him back.

Sometimes I think that extra year, particularly of kindergarten, gives kids a chance to mature and grow so that they will be successful in school. If on the other hand they struggle because of a learning disability, getting them through school may be what you need to do. Holding him back and then consequently being the oldest, possibly the biggest and yet still struggling could create addional problems with his confidence and self esteem.

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N.P.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter who is now 16 started kindergarten with a set of twins who were literally hours different then her in age. She was with the both of them for kindergarten and 1st then one in 2nd and the other in 3rd. The boys struggled with all sorts of stuff and went to summer school between 1st and 2nd. At the end of 3rd grade their mom said to them that they could choose - either summer school every year or repeat 3rd grade. They repeated 3rd grade and NEVER regretted it. I actually just saw one of them the other day and he said that he was never teased, no one ever made a big deal of it, it just was. My daughter missed having them in classes but other then that it was no big deal. The twins mom said that their self esteem went from bottom of the barrel to the top of the charts. They finally felt they were able to do things and never struggled with school any more then an average kid who has issues on a homework assignment here and there.

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K.M.

answers from Fayetteville on

It's a tough call, but it sounds like your son will benefit. Have they mentioned testing for special education? Do you think he has a learning disability? Some kids have learning disabilities and others just need an extra year--especially if they're on the young end (your son is still 7, so he's on the young end). Good Luck! I'm glad you're putting your son's needs first!

I have not held a child back, but I am an elementary teacher. I'd say 1st or 2nd is the best year to hold them back.

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