Grade Retention for One Twin

Are there any options for a different school? A charter or another school that could better meet his needs? I know it may be a logistical challenge, but you may want to at least consider it, especially if you're aren't happy with the IEP team. I have one special needs child that is not in the same school as her healthier sister (not twins, 2.5 years apart), and it's been really good for them to have their own space and their own school community. There are no comparisons one to another. My special needs child did repeat a year, and in her new school classes were mixed ages and grades and there was no stigma for following a less than traditional path.

Yes, hold him back. He doesn't need to be in the same grade as his sister. Do what's best for his academic learning.

We went through the exact same thing with my boy/girl twins. The IEP was in place but the team really didn't do as much as I felt they could have to help my son improve. Not 100% their fault because they work with a lot of kids but I had worked with my son so much in 1st grade that I knew his potential and they just seemed to think it was ok to skate along. They recommended another year in 2nd grade.

I can't tell you how much we talked about this. It was a no win situation made worst because we disagreed with the IEP team. I felt that leaving him in 2nd grade another year wouldn't mean he would come out at the end of the year with the additional skills for 3rd grade and if they did would we run into this again moving from 3rd to 4th.

We decided to move him along to 3rd grade and work with him at home just like we did in 1st grade to get his skills where they should be. We did stuff over the summer and by the start of the year he was at grade level and good to go. Then we stayed on top of everything and held the IEP team accountable all year long. When they stopped providing a service I called the school. When they wanted to exempt him from state level skills testing I said no he gets tested along with everyone else. Every single time they tried to make him lesser than I called them on the carpet.

Exhausting? YES. Frustrating? YES. But remember that NOBODY AT SCHOOL CARES AS MUCH AS YOU DO. You are your child's advocate and his voice. Be involved. You can teach just as well as the teachers can. You are this first teacher in this world. You got this.

I am a reading specialist and work closely with our special education team. The world of IEPs is very complex and yes, very frustrating. Even as teachers we tend to think that getting an IEP can be the fix all. That isn't always the case. Schools and special ed teachers have limited resources and big case loads. There are regulations that have to be followed that sometimes seem to slow down the process.

I think you have gotten some good advice from others. But, from an educational standpoint, the majority of research shows that retention is not effective--especially the older students get. There is a high percentage of students who drop out of school who were retained at some point. There is also some question about whether a student on an IEP can be held back. The IDEA law mandates can be interpreted in a way that says a student on an IEP cannot be held back because the IEP must allow for a variety of approaches to be used to meet the needs of the student. IDEA prohibits discrimination towards students with disabilities. Retention can be considered a "discrimination" since research has shown it isn't effective. That's not to say that a student on an IEP can't be held back, but it could be highly questioned.

I am currently working with a student who is in 4th grade. She was retained and is a year and a half older than almost all of her classmates. She is new to our school this year and has had a difficult time fitting in. She is much more mature (physically and emotionally) than her classmates. But, academically she is still
struggling. She is two years behind her classmates academically. As a teacher, I would say that holding her back a year did not benefit her much, if at all.

Ultimately, the decision will be yours, but many school districts will not even consider holding students back because the research does not support it and because of the IDEA mandates. You will need to advocate for your son and what is on his IEP and advocate to make sure the IEP is being followed. Some districts will provide advocates for parents to help you navigate the process. You may need to invest in tutoring. You may need to seek out a school that is a better fit for him. Good luck. I wish you the best!

My situation is similar to Annette's. Our youngest is 8 and is on the Autism Spectrum. His challenges are social and behavioral, but it was interfering with his education. We took a leap of faith and chose to enroll him in a different school - a special ed school that serves our district. We were very, very nervous, but it has absolutely been the right decision. The teachers and staff there are very experienced with all types of different challenges and have really helped our son improve, which has allowed him to learn.

It can be a bit of a challenge dealing with two schools and sometimes two different calendars (not too often, but there are differences), but for our son it is more than worth it.

I have heard many parents complain about frustrations in working with the special ed teachers and IEP teams at their schools. I can tell you it was very, very frustrating for us. It truly felt like they had never seen anyone like our son before. A year and a half ago I was in tears every day. We had so many meetings, and the school was trying this and that and then another thing. Each time we had a meeting I was encouraged, and each time after the meeting I was soon in tears again. I feared I would have to quit my job and homeschool our son ... which was terrifying, because I absolutely did not feel qualified to do that! We had behavioral problems at home, as well as at school.

So I just want you to know that you are not alone! It is not an easy process at all for many of us! Talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, talk to the IEP team and ask them what else can be done. What other options do they have. Is there a different program at another school that might benefit your son.

I don't want to say that having him repeat 3rd grade is a bad idea. It might be exactly what he needs. But I think it would be a really good idea to ask them what other options you have first. They might have something else in the district that would work for him. Also, if you know if anything in a neighboring district that you think might be good for him, learn more about it. If there are services in another district that your district doesn't have, it's possible for you to apply for a transfer based on the fact that your district doesn't offer a needed service.

Keep asking questions and working with the IEP team. Hang in there! It might take time, but you WILL find something that works for your son.

As a mom who has struggled with IEP issues for the last 10 years, my vote would be to not hold him back. I know that there is a lot of pros and cons with grade retention, and this is just my own opinion:

I think that grade retention in K is fine (repeating K twice), but other than that, I think that the long term issues surrounding grade retention simply isn't worth it. #1, in some cases, the child CAN catch up - it is a momentary lag, so to speak, but to move him back to his original grade? Very difficult. #2, this often pushes a graduation date past the child's 18th birthday (and possibly the 19th). I'd be concerned about the increased chance of dropping out/not finishing. #3, 3rd grade will have some social ramifications and this is increased by the one twin moving ahead and the other twin staying behind.

How do you get caught up then? Well, if your child suffers from delays due to learning disabilities or other health disabilities, then he may not truly ever get "caught up." If that is the case, then why hold him back? In reality, you would face this decision every year. That is what the IEP is for (one thing it is for) - to make modifications so that your child can be as successful as they CAN be (which may not look the same as the other kids' successes). If on the other hand, your child is simply missing the building blocks to move forward into the next grade, I'd be doing Sylvan or other tutoring class during this summer. If that is all it truly is, one summer would be plenty to catch those skills up. Neither of this situations warrant grade retention.

Good luck!

No experience personally but as a substitute teacher (16 years now) I've seen a twin girl and boy go through something similar.

It was in kinder and the boy needed extra help. Parents chose not to separate which ended up with the girl advanced in her class (bored) and boy struggling.

Granted... I know this family personally and the family dynamic was not good for either child, still isn't. Both are in high school now approaching graduation. Both children have issues. I don't contribute that solely on the education because our school district is one of the highest rated. I personally see the issues being from the home, education and working with the children individually. The home is volitile.

So in making this decision, I'd look at the children as individuals which can have positives and negatives with each other. Also consider the personal stigma which will come (someone always has a say and comment). You know the children best and I would look for an educational program that could benefit both.

It's hard to suggest any option without details but I see an issue with separating them and keeping them together.

Kudos to you for being proactive for your children. So many parents just rely on the system.

I agree with some of the posts below that it sounds like you should be looking for a different school for him.

Repeating this year with this IEP team sounds like a bad idea. It is certainly not guaranteed to "fix" anything for your son. And if you are thinking that *now* everyone has finally figured out the best structure for his 3rd grade year and your reason for repeating is to grab a time machine and do it all again "knowing then what you know now" - well, THAT thought process might occur every year going forward, if this IEP team does not have a good handle on your son's needs!

Look for a different school with a different team.

I suggest the twin element is a neutral. In the end, all decisions have to be made individually. I also suggest that holding a child back to repeat a grade is only advisable if there is good evidence to suggest that not only will the child do well in that grade, but in following grades. From what you have indicated, your son needs an IEP with significant services, not retention. He needs services geared to his learning base, style and speed. Repeating a grade does not accomplish this. If significant, appropriate services are not delivered, he will be falling behind again in forth or fifth grade. All my best.

I don't personally have experience but this must be very difficult.

My friend's son at around the same age, had a lot of academic issues. The IEP team was not making much success and she was very frustrated. She decided to not hold him back (as suggested) because she wanted him to remain in the same as his friends.

All I can say is, he's still struggling. He has tutors outside of school plus his IEP and it's still rough going. So unless something changes, the results are likely to be the same - next year.

I agree with the moms suggesting maybe looking at alternatives - possibly another school with a better program. I'd check that out first before making a decision.

They are individuals with individual needs.
You do what's best for each of them.
For one - that might be another year in the 3rd grade.
For the other - she doesn't need that extra time there.

I researched retention and several articles I read were through the Department of Education.

They all said that retention isn't good for anyone. That kids that have been held back, of all the kids in the USA, over 40% of those kids never graduate high school because they turn 18 and leave school. That's the DoE, not me or some parent or some teacher but the people that make our education program and set the standards for all schools in our country.

So I would say no. I would also say that if he has a learning disability and isn't ever going to be on the same level as his sister that he might need to do more in the special ed program and not have set class work......where he can be pulled out by a reading specialist or math specialist and they can work one on one with him and help him.

I would say it would be devastating for him to be left behind. Resentment and anger would happen. Whether or not it was obvious it would still be there.

Please do know that the DoE doesn't recommend retention.

One thing I've seen is that some schools retain students a LOT and then the next year those kids do really really well on state testing since they've had 2 years to get it together. Then that school gets a higher grade card and that gets them more money from the budget. Since they're a "good" school that has smart students.

I can't offer you personal experience, and can see the plus side of it for your son. It definitely sounds like he could benefit from the extra help. Does he have any kind of tutoring or reading class outside of school?

Also, don't only think about how it will affect him to be in a different grade from his sister now. Consider how he will feel when she graduates high school and leaves for college a year early. I'm not saying it's a reason not to do it, but it's definitely something to consider.

If your son is going to repeat third grade I would send him to a different school. You can always switch him back to the same school in middle school. I went to school with boy twins who were separated by a grade. They seemed fine.

Your twins are separate people with different needs. Do not let one move up if he is not ready just to keep him with his sister. He will suffer in the long run.

If he has an IEP he had to have been tested. Holding him back does not sound like it will help. Might need. To be in a special education class. See what they come up with after testing. Then meet n decide best plan for him.

My kids do not have IEP (though I do have a 504 for my oldest due to medical). It is tough having to have anything special in place for a child. Getting everyone on board and getting the services that may be needed. My oldest will be graduating next month. When one of my girls was in 3rd grade, she struggled. Homework was painful. The school talked about holding her back. I let her move forward because I did not believe that repeating the grade would help her do better and help with the future. We worked with her more (struggling again) until something finally fell in place near the end of 5th grade.
I have to agree that treating each child as an individual is very important and can be hard when they are twins or triplets or what have you. Whether you hold him back depends on if you think repeating the year will help with future years. Say repeating 3rd helps him improve his skills to be ready for 4th. What if he also struggles with 4th? Hold him back again?

My daughter's elementary school actually tried to get her to skip a grade lol, but I didn't allow it.