A few of you know that I had some issues with my family this week re: a "drug intervention" for my sister. The responders had harsh words for me - but in the end my sister went to my parents and spoke directly with my brother - as a result they no longer think she has a drug problem and instead think she has a boyfriend that is bringing her down. In fact - my brother went behind my sisters back - contacted some friends of her boyfriends - and asked "how he treats my sister and if he is a good guy" etc. Now the boyfriend is offended - my sister thinks the whole family dislikes her - and she feels stuck between choosing between her bf and her family. Some of them are mad at me - some aren't - but it is now out in the open and no longer a hidden away whisper whisper issue.
In the meantime my son has been having all sorts of eye issues (optometrist says his vision is fine) my daughter has been out of control (2 year old and constant tantrums) and i feel so out of sorts. My best friend told me she thinks I am negative and easily overwhelmed by my life.
sigh...all i've done all day is cry about this. i don't know what to do - I always considered myself a positive, caring person and to think others see me in a completely different light is so discouraging and upsetting.
It just feels kinda out of control and i'm not sure what to do - if anything - get myself back into control. thoughts?
thank you so much ladies! i agree - I need to step away from the family issues and not be brought in by emails and calls designed to upset me. I'm taking a much needed massage break tonight (peruvian chocolate massage - it just sounds yummy) since for once my time and money have made a perfect match. hugs to you all
Focus on what you can control and be thankful for what you have. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Focus your time on you and your immediate family. Plan fun times w/ your kids and enjoy them. Make a gratitude list of all you are thankful for and review and add to it each morning or night. ... and breathe deeply.
You did what you thought was right -- if your family members are mad at you for your sister's problems then their anger is misplaced.
Just be positive and caring, and focus on your own family.
First off I think you need to get up, and dry your tears. You didnt do anything wrong. So stop feeling guilty.
Second, I think that you need to disengage yourself with the drama going on in your family. It is obviously bringing you down, and you should let it all go how it will and stay out of it. Its not doing you any good worrying about every little thing.
Dont take what your friend says personally. Take it as constructive criticism and work harder to BE a more positive person. And I think that can and will happen when you let things be and go with the flow. Stay away from the things that are bringing you down and making you upset aka your family. Theres nothing you can do there to help, so take a time out, and just spend it focusing on your own family. You will feel so much lighter without all that weighing on you.
Go out with your family and do something fun and relax. Everything will be okay. As for your kids, it will work out too, tantrums come and go and before you know it she will do it less and less, its just those terrible two's. My son is going through them too. It is difficult but sometimes you just have to sit back and let them do their thing. Try laughing at her and telling her how silly she looks throwing a tantrum. It works for my son, he quits and then starts playing again. It distracts him. He was expecting me to be upset and show him bad attention, so by laughing it made him forget.
Take a deep breath and dont worry about what you cant control. Everything will work out in the end.
Best wishes.
It is a rough time out there for all. I have been out of sorts also and usually I am a ROCK! Feeling like I am going to fall to pieces.
Hold on Sister cuz this too shall pass. Stay strong to your beliefs your self and your kids. That's truly all we have.
Praying for you to have the strength the make it through this rough patch, then to find peace when you make it to the other side.
GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!
D.
Contact a domestic violence shelter on how to best help your sister. I would also contact a drug intervention counselor how to best help her. Maybe with advice from both you can procede with the best meathond to really help her.
Good luck.
Don't worry so about thekids they will be fine just remember to take a breath when they upset you and to hold and cuddle them as often as possible. It will calm you down too. Reading storys to them helps so much.
Just keep on going. Your sister/family issues will take time to sort. Obviously, there is something going on with her otherwise the family wouldn't be so concerned. Her brother is being protective of his sister, but it would be much better if they all sit down and talk to her calmly about their concerns and if their is anything they can do (which is what the intervention should have been about), she needs support. But, even w/o the intervention thing, they can still do this. If it were my sister, I would call her up and tell her they are only doing this b/c they are worried about her for some reason and that their intentions are good, even if they are going about it the wrong way, maybe try to calmly mediate between the two as an unbiased person. Everyone just needs to calm the heck down and approach this delicately now.
Just take a few days off from thinking about these problems and relax. Read a book, go watch a movie. If your best friend thinks you are negative and overwhelmed, is that from her observance over a period of time, or just from the recent stressful events? Weigh that carefully, maybe she is concerned too if it's ongoing.
As for the tantrums, that alone can be hard to deal with. Dr. Sears has some good advice for that. I think it's under the 'bothersome behavior' subsection
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior
Focus on YOUR sphere of influence. Cut loose everything that brings negativity into your life and which you have very little control over.
I would consider a developmental optometrist for your child's vision issues. They do much more extensive testing than regular ones do. My younger son had perfect vision but severe convergence and tracking issues.
Good luck - hang in there. Stop worrying about what other people think and worry more about what YOU think.
Wow. Sounds like a crazy time for you. ((hugs))
First off, it sounds like you might be venting too much to your best friend. You may be a negative person (you may not be, too!) but I think as women we tend to vent to our closest friends and not spend much time telling them the positive things. Not that you should stop venting (!) but maybe pay close attention to how much negative stuff you put out there - and try to add a little 'good' back in.
As for your family, well, I can relate. It sounds like your immediate family wants you to choose sides, engage in drama and just go along with them. Yuck. On the other hand, your sister doesn't seem like she wants to be totally forthcoming with them (and who could blame her?). My advice? Tell your sister that you love her and want to support her - if she needs someone to talk to you are available and won't judge her. Tell the rest of your fam that you aren't interested in the drama they're creating anymore and to please leave you out of it. Then enforce it. Don't respond to emails/conversations about your sister. Politely tell anyone who brings it up that you aren't willing to do it anymore and walk away. It's obviously past the point of ridiculous, walking away after refusing to engage might be the only way to deal with it.
It's stressful to have health issues with your kid - cut yourself a break for that! And tantrums aren't fun either. I can't tell you the number of times that DH or I grabbed up our son and marched out of the store. :( I still remember when my SIL told me that you have to be willing to give up a lot when you have kids - even give up on shopping for groceries that day if that's what it takes. I gave up a lot of grocery shopping! lol
Good luck with *everything*!
((hugs))
take your son to an opthamologist. they are medical doctors. optometrists only deal with vision problems, not medical issues. catch some supernanny programs for ideas on the daughter. stop and think before you speak to see if you are about to say something negative and if you are, then give it a positive spin. take a step back from family issues and let others take care of it. concentrate on you and your immediate family. good luck and hang in there!
