Hints to Make Bedtime Smoother for My 4 Year Old

I have a couple of things that worked for my step kids. First of all have her brush teeth after the last thing she eats. If she doesn't eat or drink anything but water after dinner time brush then. That way it's out of the way and she can't use it to buy time. Same thing with pj's. If all she has to do at bed time is go to bed you are only left with the glass of water excuse. Reducing their ammo can really help!

So normal! My daughter is 5 1/2 and we still struggle with teeth brushing. She tends to put it off. We've explained why it's important to take care of her teeth and she's gotten much better over the past yr, but I'd say just 6 mos ago it was challenging. I find when I brush with her it has helped. So I guess just setting an axample is helpful. This too shall pass. We've had to be consistent though. Good Luck- Best, H.

I have to say bribery works wonders sometimes! My son worked well for rewards for a while then he got bored. Now we do races, or play simon says to get dressed, brush teeth, ect. Otherwise my husband and I are treated to our 5 yr old streaking through the house laughing hysterically.

I think the thing is to not make it too serious! Keep it lighthearted and fun and the kids will want to do it. Trust me working in day care these kids get so excited when they see me in their room because they know we are going to do a fun learning activity not just the same old worksheets from a book stuff their normal teachers do. Kids respond really well when things are taylored to their personal interests. You just have to try shaking up bedtime a bit and make it fun, and a game. She will love it and your struggles will be over.

As for the other mom who thinks you are a "young mom" and so not parenting correctly. All I can say is you have no idea! I am 27, I had my son when I was 21yrs old, he is polite, funny, smart, and a joy. His teacher told me he is the top of her class, and the best well behaved child in the room. So being young and doing it differently then you or our parents doesn't mean we are parenting wrong and I take offense at your umbrella statement about age and parenting.

Hi there mom!
It happend the same to us, and after trying almost everything except spanking, what work best and steel does is our daily chart, we praise with a star every time he does his thing on time(any king of sticker can do), he gets to put the star on the chart. There is one chart for bath time, another for bed time, another for picking up after him and doing his bed. He is also five so don't expect the bed to be perfect, or anything else by these matter. Than after one week of her achieving the full three stars, he gets to pick from an ice cream cone or a special candy. We have gone to the movies after a month and it has work wonders. It takes some followup at the beggining but once you get use to it is no big deal. You also need to be firm on it, as much as it hurts seeing some tears for starters. You must consider this is a big achievement for them specially in a situation where parents are not that consisten as we where, it help us as parents a lot also. We now have our own imaginary chart.

my son used to have a lot of problems too - he is 4.5 years old now. We do the whole routine, bath, teeth, story and then make up some sort of silly secret. If he does not listen and get dressed first time (well, usually 4th time - but I always say first time), then he does not get a story. This is his fav. part of the whole night - so he usually responds. Also, when my husband gets him ready for bed they "race" each other to get upstairs, go potty, brush teeth - kinda make a game out of it. I also used to use rewards, stickers - get 7 then get a present. Sorry, I am a bribing mom, seems to work for my fiesty guy :-)

ask once, if she doesnt listen take her by the arm, stand next to her and tell her to get busy now, your not meaning business, and the tone of your voice means everyting, when you mean business then change the tone of your voice, save the yelling she will become tone deaf to it, you can still make her listen to the tone of your voice when you mean it.

The fours and fives are when they are seeking independence the most. For many of us it was worse that the "terrible twos".

Try talking with her about what needs to happen to get ready for bed and have her decide the order things happen in and how things are done....she can pick the book you read or the song you sing, she can pick her PJs, etc...she can choose to brush her teeth before she puts on her PJs or after, etc...if she is "in charge" she will do things more willingly at this (or any other) age. She will learn time budgeting and how to ready herself for life's challenges.....

If I learned one thing as a homeschooling mother....EVERY moment is a teachable moment. You just have to look for the opportunities....it is not always about how quickly you can control them....

....and that being in charge doesn't have to mean a power struggle. The best parents and leaders of any kind do it so their charges preserve their own personal power and do not lose face, and they think they did it themselves!!

Those who are comfortable with their power do not have to force or coerce others to do anything. Think of the best parent, boss or teacher you ever had....I bet they didn't teach you by forcing their will upon you but by teaching you how to learn the lessons yourself, right?

(This method works with husbands too!!!!)

Thanks or being a loving and caring mommy,
Deb

My daughter will be 5 in Jan & I am going through the same thing. I actually got a timer & set it to 20 minutes. That was the amount of time she had to get dressed, brush teeth & read stories. She ended up too focused on the timer & wasn't relaxing and enjoying storytime, so we abandoned that idea. Also, she was rushing during brushing her teeth & we didn't want that either.

So, now, like others have said. If she doesn't listen, then she only gets 1 book instead of 2 or 3. It's working better, but it still isn't a walk in the park (at least for us). Hopefully others will have some good advice for us.

Good luck!

I think she is doing it to get your attention. I would suggest that you tell her that is she is ready for bed by a certain time then you will have time to lay in bed with her and read stories and talk about her day and say prayers etc but if she isn't ready then she will get a quick kiss and a love and that's it. I bet she will get ready for bed in order to get some one on one time with mom. I have a five year old and she really is just "spacey". We don't make a big deal out of it I just remind her gently what will happen if she is ready on time and it usually gets her moving. If not a few nights without our special time and she is running to brush her teeth. Good Luck!

Hi G.,
My son just turned 6. He does the same thing. It drives us crazy. (My husband does morning and I do night like you do) I usually find him up on the bathroom sink looking at his new teeth or playing some sort of game in his room. I think it's normal for the age and they think they'll miss something if they go to sleep. I remind him that mommy and daddy will be a lot happier and yell less if he listens the first time. I also remind him that we won't have time to read books (that's his best motivation) if we keeps wasting time. You can try to use a behavior chart with your daughter. If she listens the first time for 5 days in a row she gets a treat - that might help. Use whatever you think will motivate her.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

With my daughter, who just turned 5, the threat of no bedtime story gets her moving.

Hi G., Instead of telling her Ok put your PJ's on try asking her, what Pj's are you going to wear tonight, let me know when you have your PG's on so we can brush our teeth, brush your teeth with her, and then you can pick out out a book for mommy to readt to you before you go to sleep, give her choices BUT at the same time make sure she understands you are the parent, you are in charge not her, to many young parents today especially moms bend to the will of the child instead of it being the other way around, and that is one of the first mistakes that some young moms are making today, However you are an older mom, but you had your child later in life so you have the tendencies to do the same things the younger moms are doing. All mean well, and all love their children, just not always sure how to go about somethings. J. L.

Hi G.:
First, I have to agree with a few of the other mothers here. While i'm not a young mother,I feel i'm a (wise mother)and its my opinion,that the majority of the young mothers here,do a fantastic job of raising their children.Its encouraging to witness,how eager they are to do the best for their babies. They are wise beyond their years,as they are not to prideful to ask for opinions,or advice. It touches my heart,to see those who have broken that chain,or belief,that all children need to be raised with an (Iron Fist)They are proving their loving,compassionate,nurturing methods, of raising their babies are producing wonderful,caring, little individuals.That been said, I just have a couple suggestions. Have you thought of switching things up for a night or two? See if her bed time routine would be any different,if daddy took her through it a few nights? If he read to her. I think,I would try to have her in her pjs a little earlier,and I love the (story time idea) Most kids,don't want to miss that. I wish you,and your darlin daughter the best. J. M

Okay. First off, I read all of your responses and really took offense to Julie L's response to you! She RUNS A DAY CARE for Pete's sake! Her children have been grown for a while and she deals with other people's children...I have read a lot of her other responses to things and her way is NOT the only way. No matter how many posts she responds to (which is a TON). Young mom, old mom, new mom, whatever. You are doing what you think is best for YOUR child and should not be criticized for it.

That being said, welcome to the 4-almost-5 club. My daughter was so sweet, so cooperative, so loving...until she hit this age! It was like pulling teeth to get her to do anything!

Here's what I did and I hope it may work for you:

She got to pick out whatever PJ's she wanted. Summer PJ's in the winter, blanket sleepers in summer. Whatever she wanted. This gave her a little control over her bedtime routine.

We picked out ONE book. If it was long or short, cardboard or chapter book. She got to choose.

She got to pick out her tooth brush. We have a few.

If the cooperation diminished, so did the choices. I started to pick out the PJ's, the book, the CD to fall asleep to, etc. Once she started losing her control over her bedtime, she started being more cooperative.

It will get better. They get older and can cope with the control issues better. We have all been through it. New moms & old moms alike.

Good luck.

N. :o)

Wow, she just started this behavior lately, huh? It is pretty normal, but my kids started this way earlier. Some strategies that have worked for me - set a timer. Tell her the rules first , then enforce them. Tell her to brush her teeth and change into jammies and say "i'm setting the buzzer for 5 minutes (or whatever time is appropriate)" Then set the timer and if she does not have the routine completed, she gets no stories or snuggle time. You will have to take her by the hand and make sure that she gets ready for bed and tuck her in without stories. Reassure her that you will try again tomorrow night and she will remember to do it right. Then be willing to sit through a screaming tantrum until she falls asleep. She will do it right after that.

Another alternative is to just say "it is time to get ready for bed" and escort her to the bedroom, help her put on her jammies and then escort her to the bathroom for toothbrushing. This way, she will not get distracted and will remain on task.

I personally use the timer for lots of things - it is much more effective than me nagging. You can also use it as a transition tool. I say "when the buzzer beeps, you need to set the table" and then they can play until the buzzer beeps, but after that, time to move on. This helps my girls with transitioning because it gives them a warning that they need to finish their game and gives them a few minutes to do so.

Sweet Dreams!

Hi,

My wonderful son is your daughter's age and sometimes bedtime is annoying for us too. I think he is just trying to test us STILL (very annoying since it's not like we've ever given in--you know, it's not like there's ever been a night where he hasn't had to take a bath or brush his teeth, etc.).

We have had to resort to taking away treasured items if he gives us a hard time, which works pretty well. Sometimes all that has to happen is for him to be reminded that we will take something away.

I have to think this is normal stuff--since they don't have much say over what goes on in their lives, it makes sense that they would try to test their boundaries with stuff having to do with their bodies and daily routine (pajamas, etc.).

Hang in there. I find a glass of wine or a cookie helps once my son is in bed. Ha ha!

:-) D.
P.S. I just read some of the other moms' responses--if things are going well, we also let our son choose stuff, like his own p.j.s and the color of the flosser, and dad sings to him right before bed. If things aren't going well, often he'll have to say his prayers by himself and there are no daddy-songs or choices.

I have a little girl who is 4yrs.I am having the same issues.I think it is normal I try and be patient as I can I have yet to figure out how to motivate her.I started setting a time for her to get teeth brush and putting on her PJs.I say it has to be finished in 5 mins.or we dont get to read 2 books tonight it will have to be 1 book. that seems to work.She seems to trey to hurry up and get it all done so she can have that second book read to her.Good Luck