High Maintenance Friendships.

I try to keep things to birthday parties and trips places like the park, zoo, etc., unless they are close friends. Mostly because we have two large pit bulls (who are also "old ladies" at nearly 12, with arthritis that doesn't keep them from trying to slobber on every face in sight) and I don't subject them to strange kids very often. I usually don't want to get in some big explanation about my dogs, so I just stick with trips out. I do wonder if people think I am rude for not reciprocating home visits with home visits, but oh well. If someone got upset about that, I would put them in the "more trouble than they are worth" category!

I have to admit to steering my kids away from kids where I don't really click with the parents, for whatever reason. Sometimes their bumper stickers clue me in. I saw a quote once that said "bumper stickers- tiny little signs saying we will never be friends." So true. LA Kings bumper sticker? Right off the Christmas list! lol...

Wow! These sure are some pretty extreme examples---to me these moms are much more demanding than the mom who simply wanted other moms to ask her first before inviting her child.

I think we all have to decide what our limits are in terms of friendships and relationships, and we all have the right to limit our contact with people who just don't mesh with us for whatever reason. When our kids are younger---toddlers, preschool, and early elementary--- it can be difficult because the kids aren't as independent and parents tend to be more involved. You're bound to run into a difficult parent or two. For me, it's really a matter of finding your balance, deciding what you can tolerate and what you won't tolerate, and being clear about that.

With "snack mom" in your example, I'd likely still invite her child, but I would tell her clearly that we would not be stopping every two hours to snack while we're at the museum. I'd inform her that we'd have lunch at ____(whatever time), and then knowing what my parameters are, it would be up to her whether or not to let her child go.

With the "constant supervision mom," I would let her know what my level of supervision is for children at that age, inform her that I would not be in the same room with them constantly, and then let her decide whether or not she allows her child to be a guest on our turf.

When our youngest was in preschool, he had a friend whose parents divorced. The mom was a friend of mine, and I'll never forget the day she TOLD me her childcare plan when she realized she had to go back to work. Guess what? She assumed that since I was a stay at home parent, I would simply watch her child a couple of days a week (ALL DAY) as her permanent daycare option. Um, no. I still had 3 other kids at home and a husband who traveled constantly for work, and I held numerous volunteer positions in the community. I told her I'd be happy to have her son come and play occasionally, but that I was not available for regular childcare.

I don't have many examples like this, probably because I have pretty firm boundaries set, and I feel comfortable making those boundaries known when necessary. So, I haven't had to do this much. Instead, I feel so blessed with the very dear, close village I share with my many friends---we all help each other whenever we can, but we also respect everyone's limits and differences.

I don't blame you or anyone for limiting contact with people who are so totally unreasonable and difficult. That's just part of life, and most of us don't have time or room in our lives for unwelcome stress.

J. F.

I experience the other end of the spectrum-the parents who just don't seem to care. Several times I've had kids dropped off for a sleepover with a short hi/bye from the parent or a wave from the driveway! It stresses me out. I've also had kids as young as 8 dropped off with their iPhone. I put it away for them to take home (I didn't even have a smartphone yet at the time).
I've also had ppl assume I could become their babysitter since they complain incessantly to me about the stuff their current babysitter does. Just because I let our kids play together doesn't mean I'm seeking employment.
So, yes. I agree that sometimes we need to distance our kids from friends with certain types of parents.
Another huge pet peeve is when their invited to a bday party where the parents stick around-and almost all of them have their nose in their cell phones. Jeez! No wonder why you bought one for your 8 year old!

Even if parents are a pain in the butt, I'll still ask them if it's OK to arrange playdates or invite their kids somewhere. Not just deal directly with kids and bypass parents like other post sounded. To me I need to be sure all parents, myself and other parents, really did make all the arrangements and what those are. If my neighbor asked my daughter to go somewhere and just took off with her I'd probably call the cops if I had no idea they went somewhere and I went to get her and they were gone...maybe not the cops, but the parent's cell :)...not that any parents I know would bypass the parental permissions. I'm super laid back too. I let my kids do all kinds of stuff unsupervised. If I'm asked and I know about it. Even if my daughter asks me something from a mom I trust, I'll still call the mom for details to make sure there's no misunderstanding through the kids.

As for de-friending difficult parents? All the time!!! The most common reason is because their kids are unbearably bratty and it's exhausting and miserable to hang out. If our personalities clash, ditto. Ain't nobody got time to hang out with people who aren't compatible. The kids can socialize at school. I don't have enough time for my close friends, I certainly wouldn't hang out with annoying moms. But I do seek their permission for stuff of course.

I have not run into parents like that much...except one person. Most people I know are more laid back than that I guess. I do have one friend who is a hovering helicopter type of mama. She is a sweet person and I enjoy hanging out with her in small doses, but I do not agree with her parenting style. She is overly sensitive and hovers over her little boy...she soothes, caters to him, tries to explain things to him gently. Meanwhile he is turning into a little boy who expects to always get his way and cannot handle someone saying no to him. They moved away and I wonder how that kid is now that he's older! Everyone else I know seems to be reasonable...pretty laid back yet doing a good job with their kids.

I never broke up the friendship, just suggested that they would be better as "school friends". This way they can be friends and I don't have to be involved in The Drama of the Parent of the Gifted Child.

(by the way, that's a play on The Drama of the Gifted Child... the child 'gifted' with self-absorbed parents, that is.... )

These aren't friendships. These are, as you say, unpaid babysitting jobs with you as the employee.

Keep your distance. There are all kinds of reasons why adult relationships don't survive the kids' friendships. Those kids can be friends at school or in sports.

Just say, "We have different parenting styles and I don't think I can adhere to your standards. Hope you find someone…." But keep to your principles!

I love these play date examples gown south, because I completely forgot about those types of play date moms.

I'm way beyond those organizing play date years now, and my, it's nice how the memory fades with time :)

We're very similar Canuck!

I don't think I attract those sort of friends really... But I see them aroun all the time. My daugter goes to a coop preschool. A lot of the parents there are seriously not my style...
From the completely sugar free, preservative free, nut free, lunch box with the parents framed picture in it. :) To the kids that hit and the parents are always looking bewildered...
If those people did ever ask for a play date with my daughter... Even if the kids are super fun. Id have to make up an excuse to pass. They and their parenting style are just too different from mine and it just seem to high stress for me to make a play date work.
Don't feel bad! You need to be yourself and parent the way you want to parent and feel comfortable in your home. I love park playdates or bounce house playdates. Ill go to one of those with anyone... A friends house playdate or my house playdate though is usually not fun unless you really hit it off with the parent. :)