Dear J.:
You really have two issues: No common courtesy and no sex/intimacy. The latter is not necessarily a problem, if something work related or other exhausts him or preoccupies him. It is temporary and bounces back. The former is inexcusable. Like another poster said, you may want to verify that he is not bailing on you and seeing someone else. If he is, let him go. Otherwise you may want to try out to find the reason before 'fixing' it.
Counselling sounds like losing to a man, no wonder he won't go. If you have a common friend that HE is close to, perhaps you can confide to an extent (not too much) and get him to talk sense into your hubby. Even better, if he already knows of something that caused it and drops a hint.
He could also just need some space, if he is near a mid-life crisis. Do you give him enough friends time for fishing, sports, etc.? I would definitely lay off him for a while, like a reciprocation of his treatment (minus the rude part). It might be the 'seven-year-itch', given your relationship time.
Sorry that I cannot make any prediction or give any advice, I can only tell you that too much pondering, nagging, asking and forcing the issue is probably counter-helpful.
Have you tried the brute force method already? Showing up all sexy and near-naked, making your intentions clear without words? I would only do that once, so choose the timing and make sure he is undisturbed and otherwise ready.