HEP ME!!!!! My 2 1/2 Year Old Has Gone Crazy

That's definitely a possibility in addition to being 2.5 and learning that he can exert his independence.

My only advice: get as much control of it as possible now - has anyone warned you about the terrible 3's? At this age, they are learning to be independent, and we, as parents, have to establish boundaries that are not to be crossed and to be consistent in enforcing discipline when they cross that line.

All of us are going to have a different approach, so do what you're comfortable with.

He needs you, wants more time with you, Anytime my kids are acting oddly I always just increase the time with them and it always gets better.

It's normal, although that's not to say that hitting is okay, because it's not.

You absolutely have to set boundaries right now, and if he sets one toe out of them, you need to react predictably, calmly and quickly. Whatever the punishment for hitting (for us, sitting the child in her room alone to "cool off" worked well), the red-hot second he hits, intervene with a calm but firm, "We don't hit, hitting hurts" and calmly take him off to his room, where he should stay until he is calm (he may scream and cry, and that's okay, we all need a good cry sometimes).

You have to understand that the reason they're "terrible" twos is that their brains are developing so fast, yet their bodies and verbal skills are not really caught up to the brain development. Hence, lots of frustration building up over many little issues throughout the day, until finally something causes the dam to break and the entire day's frustrations pour out in a tantrum/hitting/biting. Like I said, totally developmentally normal, and your son is not doing this to be bad. You do need to correct him and help him learn how to cool down and manage his frustration before he lashes out. This is a process that takes years. I still have to correct my 4 year old from time to time. This is why I like to sit my kids alone in their rooms "until they're feeling better." They're not necessarily being punished, they are being given the opportunity to cool down until they're civilized enough to mingle with the rest of the family again. If you become angry with him, it will probably make matters even worse, as your anger/frustration will compound what your son is feeling. I guess when in doubt, remember that two year olds are not unlike little wild animals! They don't think like we do, and so you have to react accordingly. =) Best of luck, Twos are a wild ride.

A.,
Is this something that happened all of the sudden? Or is this something that has been coming in little by little? Who takes care of him while you are in school or work? It sounds like he needs discipline. You have to be strong as much as you love him and you may feel guilty for not spending as much time as you want with him, you need to be consistent with punishment for bad behavior. And most important the person that takes care of him needs to be the same way and follow through with timeouts, punishments, etc. The time out's do not need to be long, about 2 to 3 minutes for his age, but it needs to be done as often as he misbehaves.
Talk to him, let him know that his bad behavior has consequences and tell him what they would be; ex. no tv, no playing outside, etc.
But remember to always praise him for good behavior and acknowledge the good things he does.
Hope this helps.
I.

Yes, he is totally normal!

Our son did the same thing and he is now almost 6. He still hits people! I just had the principal call me from his school and tell me that he got up out of his seat to hit someone.

Anyway, I'm not advocating that he should hit because it's normal, just that you need to find a way to control his hitting and stubborness. When our DS was 3, we needed a way to discipline that he would understand. I used our "frogs method". Everyday he started out with 5 paper frogs in little pouches (you can purchase cheap diecuts and pouches at a teacher's store). If he hit, said something bad, hurt someone on purpose, other issues, etc. - we took a frog away. At the end of the day he needed to have five frogs in order to have a reward (ice cream, a small piece of candy, a little toy, out to the park, etc). He was also able to get frogs back if he did something positive like saying thank you/please, helping his sister, etc.

Try more positive and negative reinforcement. Brainstorm on what you think is positive and negative reinforcement that you already do with him and see if you can build on it. Just remember that toddlers (especially boys) need to see something physically - like the paper frogs. Make it simple and easy on yourself and him! Don't make the idea complicated or two things will happen - 1. he won't understand what you are doing 2. you won't be able to keep up with it.

Good luck and God bless!

I feel your pain. My son just turned 2 1/2 and I swear a little green monster takes his body over during part of the day. My solution that has started working is that when he has one of these "green Monster" moments. I pick him up and hold him so that he is facing me and I tell him he needs to calm down and we count to 5 together which seems to calm both of us down. Once we are both calm we talk about the problem we are having. My son has a very large vocabulary for his age so usually he is able to calm down enough to tell me what is bothering him. I have also started using this counting thing in the car before the melt down starts. I tell him he has the count of 5 to calm down and talk to me. It works about 75% of the time. Which these days I will take what I can get. Good Luck!

It sounds pretty normal. Kids at that age start to test the waters to see what and how much they can get away with.

Write up some rules, and post them on the wall. I know he can't read, but if you recite them every day, he will learn them. When dealing with him, try to keep a calm voice. Only use a loud voice once to get his attention. When you correct him, get down on his level to explain why something is wrong.

Good luck
M.

Check out www.oneweekparentingmiracle.com. It is a program I have received some training on, and I feel like it has helped me with my two toddlers so much! I feel much more in control and there is a more positive feeling in our home. I reinforce positive behavior, and have a discipline plan set in place so I can be consistant. I hope this helps!

E.

If your schedule recently changed, then it may be because of that. But as a working mom, I do the best I can. There are days I can't spend but 10 minutes before bed with each of my two kids. That's our life and we have to make it work.
You may want to check that he doesn't have ear infections, when my son had them, I could always tell. His attituted would change and he would ignor my/not listen (even though he could hear me).
Remember, at this age they will test you and drive you crazy. My almost 3 y/o driving me crazy most days of the week. My 4.5 y/o is so much better at listening and doing what I ask of him. It'll take time.

He is 2 - he is going to test boundaries and limits. I don't know if you're parenting by yourself, but you need to be firm and consistent. You have to be smarter and more head strong than him. This is a very critical time. I had similar problems with my son who is now about to be 7 and we're still dealing with some of the same behaviors. If I had known then what I know now, I would have worked harder at that age. Stay strong and pledge to work really hard at enforcing rules and limits, and giving him other strategies to do instead of hit. If you put in the work now, it will pay off huge down the road.

Because he is 2! He'll grow out of it

Hello A.: As the parent of 5, 2 of which have ADD and one with disabilities, and having been a foster parent of 23 and having a couple of 2 1/2 y/o grandchildren right now,and having had a Day Care for many years. I wanted to add my 2cents worth. Children at that age need love,attention and firm boundries. They need to know that they are not in charge but that you are. When they get out of control it is horrible because it is all emotion and feelings. Our 2 y/o twin boys will run their mother over because she doesn't take charge but when I or their dad is there it is completly different. But the other 2 1/2 y/o have been taught in each of their families what the rules and boundries are in the family and know that there are consequences of actions. Believe me u want to teach now orby the time they are 12 you will live on alot of asprin. A child hitting is not acceptable not only will another child put up with it but neither will thier parents. I know many parents that work and go to school but they have also found one on one time for the children and make sure the children's needs come first. One mom will set up a coloring area so that her 3y/o does "homework" while she studies, my husband read his school books out loud and even as boring as it was the children were happy that daddy was reading to them and hearing his voice. So consider ---rethinking what you are doing now and think in terms of how to make your job,school and parenthood balance and see what changes you need to make. Since the child is with day care so much make sure that that place is positive and not neededing changed. I wish you well and if you need anything more please contact MamaSource again and someone will be happy to help.

He is in child care with other children his age and cildren older and younger? He can learn so much social skills by being with other children and leaning how to treat other children and adults. I tell my children's parents not to let them talk to them like that, ordering them around like they are the boss. I tell the parents if they let their kids talk to them this way at 2 years old, what is it going to be like when they are teenagers? You have to be stronger. If you say no to him, keep it no and do not change your mind.
No is no and yes is yes. Keep your word to your child. If you tell him he is gong to timeout, so he goes to timeout. If you say no this or that, then do not give in to him. You are his most important teacher and your word is important. Do try to spend some one to one time with him every day.
I suggst to my parents that when they get home, no matter how much they have to do, to sit down and talk about his day and your day, read a book, snuggle together, and then go start dinner, start a load of wash or whatever you need to do. Plan fun things to do together on weekends; like go to the library and pick out books together, go to a park, plan a play date for him and you go too, visit family members so he can bond with them too. Enjoy being together. I know 2 year old boys can be very head strong but you have to be and stay stronger than him. Teach him please and thank you and to use his words; no screaming for something. "If you don't stop yelling, I can't understand what you are saying." "You need to talk to me nicely or I will not get it for you." ETC. He needs to be in a good environment while you are working and going to school. He needs attention
from a loving adult or two.
F.

Hi A., I think that you answered your own question about Kaden. I admire how much you are doing, however, he is a person and it well known now that a child's main development happens between birth and age three. He needs you now. The quality vs quantity myth is just that - a myth. The more you can be with him the stabler he will be. Even 15 minutes EVERY DAY sitting down with him with NO OTHER THINGS COMPETING FOR ATTENTION (no tv, no music, no texting, etc). IN these 15 minutes cuddle with him and read him a child's book. Talk to him. He may want you to read the same book for months. Fine. Do it. It's a relationship no different than when you are in a relationship with a mate and they don't get attention. He's 2 and half and can't verbalize what is going on and he himself is going through huge leaps of development. Believe me, even 15 minutes will go a long way. I am a mother of two and spent seven years in a preschool co-op. Remember, parents set the example. If you don't spend time with him he will demand it from anyone via behavior you don't like. By the time they are teenagers it attracts them to gangs because there they at least get attention.

I'm in the same boat! Someone told me that the half years can be really hard and they are proving to be just that. What scares me is everyone telling me just wait til 3, yikes! Maybe this is just a phase and in a few weeks he will be on to something else. Hang in there and try to be as consistent as possible.

Hello,

Sure that could be the reason he is acting out. But the reality is people need to work, so you need to find a place where your child is nurtured and above all feels safe. I am a waldorf teacher and some waldorf sites might give you some support. Here is one of many links to give you an idea of what I am talking about

http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/early-years-nurtur...

These things I'm going to list sound trivial, but believe me I have witnessed changes in children over and over again. It is really just common sense.
In the early years, waldorf theory stresses four things:
1. Warmth. Keep your child well dressed in layers. A child does not have the capacity to really tell is they are cold until they are about 10 years old! When they are young and underdressed they have to use vital life forces to stay warm. So keep them very cozy.

2. Rythmn (or routine). Very important, keep a regular schedule and routine as much as you can, the child will have a deepened sense of security. Meals, bedtimes, have a regular routine. And and EARLY bedtime. My 7 year old is in bed almost every night by 7:30, and he is ready for sleep ny that time. Before I tried it I never would have believed it, he always went to bed around 9:00, then I started putting him to bed at 7:30 as his teacher suggested and he went for it. Now I actually have some time in the evening for myself (or the dishes).

3. Chores. When your child is a bit older, helping around the house makes them feel important and included. Young children can feed pets and help fold laundry are two ideas.

4. No media. Don't freak out, that is right no media. No movies, tv, cell phones, you tube, or internet until they are older. Media can really mess with our children's pliable and incredible brains, belive me I am a teacher I see it everyday. They will have enough media when they are older, but when they are young protect them from it.

Anyways, I hope this hepls. Steps you take now will help your child be calm and strong for the future. One of my favorite parenting books is "You Are Your Child's First Teacher". I would suggest also finding a waldorf preschool in your area. They are trained to really nurture and love the children.

Remember too that you are the parent and have to be in charge. If you aren't streering the boat then no one is. Be loving, firm, and consistant. Some things are not negotiable, you just matter of factly say what is ok with no discussion. Your child will come to feel very safe with you and he/she will know just where they stand.

One last thingis, children until the age of 6-7 are learning most;ly by imitating, so you are the prime example of how to be a good person.

Hope this helps.
J.

A., Kaden must have given my daughter a call because she is exactly the same in regards to NOT listening! I think it is very common for 2.5 year olds. I try to be patient and also be a little tricky to get her to do want I need her to do. I also give her decisions she can make on her own (i.e. she picks out what she wants to wear) so she feels like she is in control of some things. We went through the hitting stage last year, they eventually get over it but be consistent with your response/punishment. Good luck!

If it were me I would try to find more time to spend with him one on one. I would also evaluate his caregivers - are they dealing with him appropriately? Is he getting age-appropriate discipline?

Consistent discipline is key, along with the fact that he needs time with you, as you said. Probably being so tired and having so many demands on your time, it may be challenging to give him the attention and consistent discipline he needs. Also when he is hard to be around, you don't really want to play with him...which starts a vicious cycle which has to be turned around. It is tough.