She is a shy kid, so I know it's a bit hard for her. She goes to school 3 half days per week to a church preschool and she cries at even the mention of going to school. Last night she started crying in the bath because she knew school was coming. "I don't want to go to school" has been the last thing she says at night and the first thing she says in the morning. When I ask her why, she just says because I don't like it. And when I press her on it, she says because she misses me. I know that she worries intensly about me dropping her off in the mornings. She keeps asking me where I'm going and what I'm doing after I drop her off. And she needs constant, almost obsessive, reassurance that I will be back to pick her up when school is over. All of our family is out of state, and she has never been left with a sitter before so maybe that is the reason for the irrational fears of me leaving her and/or not coming back to pick her up. She (we) have been active members of a playgroup since she was 1 so I know she knows how to interact with kids and form frinedships.
She was in preschool last year at 2 years old as well, and cried at drop off every single day for the entire school year...even up until the very last day in May. But everyday when I picked her up, she said she had a great day and said that she really liked school. It was just that darn drop off. There were some other issues showing her shyness like refusing to take her coat off. But other than that she participated and was happy (except for morning drop off).
This year, she seemed okay for the first couple of days. Then on the 3rd day, I asked her who she played with and she responded..."My friends decided not to play with me so I sat in the tunnel and payed attention to myself". The teachers confirmed that she does tend to stay in the tunnel on the playground. Now in the third week of school, she has started to come out of the tunnel at least. And this past Monday, after shcool she told me she did have fun and told all about her day. But then this morning she was back to crying at the thought of having to go to school.
I'm not sure if she is really hates it because as I said, she did this crying before shcool last year but still seemed happy. Now, she seems as if she really is not enjoying it. I don't know, maybe she is just more verbal making it seem like she hates it. But then agian. maybe it's nothing more than anxiety over separation from me. And she does get extra special attention when she says that she doesn't like it. However, this morning I tried a new tactic. I told her that I know she has fun at school because she told me....so I don't want to hear any crying. I was very unsympathetic to the crying...but it didn't help (at least not this morning).
I don't know what else to do. Help!
Toni,
Im not sure where you live but the Discovery Pointe on Mall of Georgia Boulevard has a pre-school. I love it. My 2 year old attends there as well as my neices.
They are great there. Maybe its a sign to change schools?
Im no expert ... but, my daughter loves it and I can tell that she does love it there.
-Hope this helps a bit.
~A.
My son had a similar situation. It took months before he finally admitted that there was a larger girl that was bullying him really badly. He just kept taking it and taking it and not saying anything. I was so upset that I didn't know it after such a long time. If she mentioned something about her friends "decided not to play with me.." might be the hint. I started dropping in randomly during his class to see how things were going. He was always by himself and looking miserable. I ended up moving him to another preschool and he did great.
Dear Toni,
Hi! As a preschool teacher, I am pretty confident in assuring you that your daughter is just exhibiting this behavior for your benefit and the attention you admit that she receives.
Ask her teacher and/or director and I am sure that they will tell you that once she gets in the door, the tears are over, and it is all fun for the most part. Developing relationships with new children and adults is so important. I had a son who did something similar when he was in preschool, always crying at drop-off. He got over it, and by the end of the year, cried at pick up, not wanting to leave school!
It is normal for a child at 3 to begin to question what mommy is doing during the time apart, but that is because they worry that either 1) you are too lonely without them (after all, they are the ones we spend all our time with, aren't they? and they are the center of our world, right?) or 2)that you are having fun without them. Sometimes just telling a child that you have "work" to do, and that their "job" is to go to school will ease the anxiety.
From your third paragraph, it sounds like she is adjusting and beginning to open up at school. Something that may help with her interest in preschool is to have a few playdates with the school friends, so that she knows that they aren't only friends that she sees when you leave her. This may help you develop some new relationships, too - some of my best friends are parents of my children's friends.
Love and kiss her, but keep on trying!
R.
Take her out. By the time she HAS to go to school, she will definitely hate it and then what will you do!!!!
