Helping My Seven Year Old Cope with the Past

Yes, any mother that has had a bad experience with the ex in front of the children will have to deal with the child "lashing out" and emotionally hurting them until that child completely understands. All three of my children have different fathers. Sounds bad when I say it like that but the man I married is the only smart one out of the fathers. The others are abusive all of the time toward me and the children. I know how you feel. Keep up your strength, I found god for support, seems to help, If you ever wanna talk just let me know. :) alway!

Your son is very emotionally mature to be able to discuss this with you...at the age of seven! Most children that age have difficulty grasping what happened, and although it is saddening to you to hear him, please take comfort in the fact that he is not only able to process it (finally without violence or hate) but he has trusted you enough to talk with you about it.

Please find a good counselor or therapist. It sounds like he's ready to deal with and work through this issue in a healthy and positive manner. Judging by your post, it seems as if you have done a great job of discussing this with your son (not laying blame, listening to him and showing him love), but it might be worth its weight in gold to seek the advice of a third party.

A good counselor or therapist will have many techniques to assist both you and your son as he grows up. It may very well be important to have an impartial party who isn't mom or dad listen to him and help him. The old days where only "crazy people" sought therapy are gone; there should be no stigma attached to seeking help with a major life issue.

You've done the right thing by listening to your son and not just trying to cover it up, forget it, or lay the blame on dad. I wish you the best of luck with this!

You are not alone in this. I have seven kids and each one of them had traumas from things in their past. For three, these events seem to revisit more than the events do for the others. This is especially true around holidays. It is never easy and so my advice is simple, be there. Answer what questions your son asks with complete honesty, but do so without adding your opinions as much as is possible. If you find yourself in a position where you must give your opinion, make sure your son understands that it is just that and that you don't expect him to come to the same conclusions if he doesn't see things the same way. Your son will come to appreciate knowing he can count on you for the truth and you'll find it helps him to feel safe enough to continue his openness.

I'm sorry to hear that your son is having a rough time remembering the past. I want to say that you definitely did the right thing by removing yourself and your son from that situation. My suggestion is to get your son into therapy. Possibly by himself or with you. I think it would really help him to sort through his feelings. Good luck!

i think that he is able to talk about it with you is great. not all children can open up like that. i also like your explanation of it to him. he didn't need to know the details, just that it was shocking and he regrets it. i think it's wonderful that you can talk about his father to him and not speak negatively of him and can tell your son you know his father loves him...
my parents told us TOO much about their divorce,and it destroyed me as a child. the information you're giving your son is perfect. all you can do is encourage him to keep opening up and keep reminding him that he still has the love of both parents.

I experienced many events like the one you mentioned when I was younger. My parents should have never been married. They are both good people, but you put them together and the worst comes out of both of them. I was 8 when remember the events happening. I couldn't understand why my parents acted the way they did. I revisited those memories often as I matured and finally in my late teens understood. The best thing you can do for your child is to answer questions. Answer them as honestly as possible without accussing anyone or going into extreme detail. He will understand. At first when I asked questions, my mom would makeup nice versions of the events, but I knew they were not true. Eventually, I stopped asked questions because I knew that I wasn't getting a straight answer. She was trying to protect me, but you need to trust your parents that they will provide you with the information you need to grow as a person and not repeat the mistakes they made. Like I said in my late teens, I finally got the whole picture and told my mom that I understood what she was trying to do, but I thought the whole process could have been sped up if my questions would have been answered straight forward. Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. I am 26 with a son who is 1.5. Baby #2 is coming in January. I am hoping that I can remember my own advice when they start asking questions about anything. Since I have never had to explain anything like this to a child, I am sure what I am saying is easier said than done. I am just remembering what it was like for me in my childhood.