My daugther is in first grade. she is a bright girl.. she is near the top of her class, but her younger brother in kindergarten is way above his class. He has been reading since he was 4 adn recently really took off in math ability. It used to be that my son was a reader boy.. and my daughter was a math girl.. but I think he caught up with her in math. maybe even a bit ahead.
She was telling me that kids in her class are reading chapter books and she is not..
I am pretty sure she is feeling like she is not very good at reading as kids in her class are better... adn she is not very good at math as her brother is better..
I volunteer in her class often and i know how she compares to her classmates.. she is near the top of her class.. but how can I help buidl her confidence... she is quiet and shy and not one to boast.. many of her classmates are quite assertive.. her brother is also pretty confident in his abilities...
Why doesn't she read chapter books? Many are made for first grade levels. Juni Jones comes to mind along with the treehouse books.
Also-be careful of the labels as they will live to them i have found.
Confidence comes from self-mastery.
Check out this very good article on resiliency. It directly relates to confidence/self-esteem. The rest of the site also has great stuff for men (I lurk occasionally because the articles are great).
http://artofmanliness.com/2010/04/14/resiliency-part-vii-...
What helps my son (kindergarten) feel good about his schoolwork:
I try to offer positive feedback instead of blanket praise when he does well. For example, instead of saying "that's good/you did a good job", I will notice specifics:"Wow, your writing was so clear, I could understand every word you wrote."
Be interested. "I see that on your food chart, you made a list of fruits. Tell me about that?" or "What did you check out from the library today? (What did you notice about the book that interested you?)" Being interested allows kids to talk about their own ideas and listening without correcting too much empowers them to open up.
I do dig a bit with my son regarding areas he is challenged in. Right now, he's daunted a bit by writing, so when he complains, instead of shutting him down (practice makes perfect, you just need to work harder) I ask "So, what about this is hard for you?"
We do talk a bit about how learning new things ISN'T easy. We tell our son that he had to work so hard to learn to crawl-- that he'd crawl backward first, before crawling forward. We tell him that he had to learn to use new muscles when he began to stand and learn to walk, and how difficult that was. And then, we talk about how his brain is a muscle, and reflect on a recent success "at first, you had to tell your brain 'i-t spells it, but now your brain *just knows* because it got lots of practice. Learning new things IS hard, and we just keep doing them until we get it right, because then it's so great when we can do it. And then--*guess what*? Once we get good at something, then it's time to learn some more and yep, then it feels hard again."
I think, by acknowledging that it IS hard work, this is very validating. One article to share:
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
This was a very good article, and right on point. Definitely worth the read!
PS: regarding the chapter books: I volunteer in my son's school library and can honestly say that the content of many of the picture books is far more interesting and 'reads' more intelligently than some of the kid chapter books. There are definitely some picture books which are far richer in language and story than the chapter books for that age. :)
Read with her at bedtime, and give her sincere compliments. Just because they can read on their own, you shouldn't just stop reading to them at bedtime (not saying you have...), so do continue to do that (with the more difficult stories and longer chapter books, but also fun favorites too). And then choose something to read alternate pages in as well.
Do that alternate pages for a chapter or something, then invite her brother in and read to them both. Or you could let them each read a half page, you read a page for a chapter, then put it away and read them an older favorite. Let them each choose their own favorite.
My kids enjoyed me reading stories to them at bedtime until the oldest was at least in 5th grade. We didn't always do it every single night, but several nights a week, if they had little homework and it was a smooth "get ready for bed" night.
Well you can start by not comparing her to her brother in every other sentence. She is "near the top" but her brother is "way above?" So just being "near the top" is not quite good enough? Praise her for what she does well and not in relation to her brother, other kids in her class, or anyone else. Praise her for things totally unrelated to school like physical or artistic ability or responsibility around the house or doing something caring. Build her confidence overall as a person, an individual, and she will be confident in many areas of life. Allow her the freedom to at least try to excel in all academic areas rather than label her the "mathematician" and her brother the "reader." She may surprise you and so will he. I have a son and a daughter so I am not partial to girls or anything, I just think each child should be treated as their own person and not always in relation to one another.
I wouldn't worry about the confidence end of things. I would teach her how to work hard and desire to learn more. I have kids that are really good in some areas and poor in others. My kids are all over the board on subjects. What is important is that they have a desire to do better in all things. I want my kids to be happy with the gifts they have been given and sometimes a good struggle is also a blessing.
If you can, teach her or guide on, not "comparing" herself to others.
For some people, even adults, comparing oneself to others... is a great self-sabotaging thing. And it is an albatross around one's neck. And it makes the person, NOT even know themselves for who THEY are. Because they are always looking over the fence at others... comparing.
And this in turn, can affect... a person's or child's self-confidence.
It is not, an automatic reaction that kids have... to compare. Not all kids or adults do this.
But if it occurs, you need to somehow teach your child, that comparing... is not constructive. It is negative.
Since my kids were 2 years old, I always taught them to be themselves... and that comparing was not real helpful. It usually makes the person feel bad. Anyway, my kids just know who they are and they don't compare themselves. I teach them to be themselves, that life is not about being followers or doing what others are doing... that each person is DIFFERENT. And its okay.
Also, you need to perhaps make sure that the other sibling boasting... is not putting down another. But that, talking or chatting about one's accomplishments is also normal. But that bragging or putting down another, is not.
EVERY child, has different abilities. And just because she may not be SUPER tops in math now, that does not mean it is FOREVER. It is only, now. She is only in 1st grade. It is not a competition. Performing for oneself, is what matters.
You need to talk WITH her about it. Don't just "guess" about what she is thinking or feeling. Ask her. I mean, does it even bother her... or are you... thinking that it bothers her?
Constantly "comparing" oneself to others, if it is not corrected... can become a very bad habit and be detrimental to one's self-assurance. I see this all the time, at my kids' school where I work and volunteer. I can spot like a radar, kids who are "compare-ers" and those that are just comfortable in their own skin. It resonates... onto academic and social relationships and choices that the child makes.
Being "shy" has nothing to do with it. Both my kids were shy when younger. But they are very self-assured kids and know who they are and they stand up for themselves. They don't compare themselves. You need to teach and guide... a child about that.
Because, comparing is not something that everyone does.
But it is, self-defeating.
Remember, being shy is NOT about confidence or lack of confidence.
But tendencies for comparing, is.
And just because someone is extroverted or a "boaster"... it does NOT mean, that they are confident.
Work on guiding your daughter about not having to feel she has to compare. This is not just about academics.... it is about herself and knowing herself. And being herself.
My son is in 1st grade. Some of his classmates are reading chapter books. Some are not. Some are good at math, some are not. The Teacher does not make it a big deal. Each child is different. My son does not get hung up on it. But he can tell us how he feels.
And his Teacher, tells the students to "try your best...." each child trying THEIR best.
And, some kids that are academically tops, can be totally insecure too. Because, they compare themselves to others, constantly.
And some kids that are not academically gifted, are very self-assured kids.
So you see, academic competency, is not the determining factor, for how a child feels about themselves.
Why don't you get her a chapter book? I will say that my GD and her friends did not start reading chapter books until 3rd grade.
My GD reads every night for 30 minutes before lights out. We keep track of how long she read and the number of pages. It is increasing by leaps and bounds.
The ONLY way to become a better reader is to practice reading. If she puts in the time, she'll get the result she wants. It's all up to her.
