Helping Baby's restlessness...any Tips!

When you lay him down, do you place his bottom down first? I noticed that if my daughers head touches the crib before their bottoms - they wake up as well. Try that - also try getting a projection mobile - that has helped my girls with the restlessness.

All babies are different, so you are doing the right thing tp figure out what your little one needs. He is still little, and should not be expected to self soothe to sleep totally independently until he's 6 mos or so (that was my Dr's opinion). I breastfed my first - so she always fell asleep eating and we had a similar issue to get her to "transfer" to the bed. I remember putting her in and then rubbing her back or talking/singin the her so she knew I was there.

Eventually, your friend is right- they should be put down drowsy but awake. At this point, you are doing the right thing by helping him. Maybe let him finish the bottle, then give him the pacifier then to bed? My kids didn't use a paci (good and bad to that!). Put him in bed somewhat awake as you are then rub his back, sing to him, give him the paci to sooth him. Keep it up and he'll adapt. He's still little though, so it may take a little while.

Good job & enjoy the little guy!

Well... self-soothing is a hot button for me, because imo if children were supposed to be able to take care of all their own needs, they'd be moving out before they turned 1, right?

He's a tiny, helpless baby with nothing available to keep him alive apart from his ability to get you to take care of his needs, and his instincts in knowing what his needs are (he wouldn't cry if that odd empty, crampy feeling in his stomach wasn't a 'problem' from an instintual point of view, right?)

When he is alone in his crib, all of his instincts (which know nothing of cities or windows or even crib bars) say 'not safe alone.' So, in his sleep as he rouses a little at the top of the sleep cycle, he checks himself and his environment and finds he is alone: Problem time! Ooops, mom forgot to take me with her, and needs to be able to find me in the dark before the tiger does: better make some noise. He goes back to sleep once he is in your arms because he now knows he is safe.

There is no magic in the world that can talk him out of this instinct, although it is possible to train babies, even really really young babies, that crying out for food, warm and safe arms, or to relieve tremendous pain is pointless and won't work at all.

For better-quality information about infants sleeping, look at what 'works' for adults sleeping -keep the sleep area for sleep only, and minimize emotional intensity in and around the bed; use the bed for sleep only --not tv viewing or playing or arguing or crying; avoid heavy meals within a few hours; keep a light snack available for night hunger; keep a routine, not a rigid schedule; have naps and rest periods throughout the day to avoid becoming overtired and overstimulated; keep the room on the cool side...

Much more important than buying into the fantasy that babies 'should' sleep alone and all night long, because they do not anywhere in the world until they're about 4 years old. Yes, even the ones who 'cried it out' and 'never wake'. In sleep studies it has been demonstrated that babies just stop waking their parents, while they spend a portion of the night awake and silent, hungry, lonely, frightened, but at least they're not bothering their parents' sleep...

Much more important than that is the fact that tired moms need to make sure they are getting enough rest throughout the day, sleeping whenever the baby is sleeping, or at the very least sitting down with feet up and nothing exciting happening -not phone calls, not engaging dramas, not cleaning or 'catching up on things.'

It is only a few years that this child will need the love and attention of the important adults in his life. Those important adults need enough rest, too... but they can't have it all in one chunk at night until after the child's stopped spending 1/2 their day's calories growing, most of which they do asleep.

Hi, J.. You may want to start by swapping out the playtime to BEFORE bathtime. All the books tell you after bath to keep the lights & stimulation low to help baby make the association that it's time to go to sleep. I LOVED the book "No Cry Solution to Sleep". You may try it. Good luck.

I agree with many of the responses. Self-soothing comes much later than 3 months. Responsiveness and soothing are our jobs as parents and you can try all you want to "train" your baby, but really the energy would be better invested in patience. I just focused on what I thought would be my desired outcome and eased forward (and sometimes backward) each night. I have 2 boys - the first was textbook in terms of sleep, the second challenged all my ideas and previous experiences, which taught me that it was okay to just respond to him as he told me he needed. Eventually, at 15 months, he is sleeping for 9 hour stretches at time. Sometimes it really requires baby steps towards mature sleeping behaviors.

Just my two-cents worth, because I see you are getting a lot of pop-psychology and guilt-trips to go along with other's opinions and experiences. I have four children. All four have slept 8 hours or more starting around 10 to 12 weeks and all four were breastfed exclusively. They are capable of "self-soothing". We train them from the very beginning to feel like they are supposed to be held or rocked as they go to sleep, then we turn around and expect them to do something different. I think this is why we have to have all of these methods, books, etc. When mine were little tiny I would feed them and wrap them snugly and put them in the bassinet drowsy but awake. They weren't miserable. They didn't think they'd been abandoned. They aren't a bunch of juvenile delinquents with attachment issues. They are extremely bright, capable, fun children who know their mother loves them more than anything in the world. I simply knew myself enough to know that I was (am)a better mother when I have a reasonable amount of sleep. Whatever you decide, the kind of mother you are is determined by a lot more than whether you rock your baby to sleep every night. Good luck. The time WILL fly by, so enjoy it in the way that is most meaningful to you, without worrying too much about this study or that magazine article. You'll be wonderful.

I really liked Babywise. I know that I get a lot of grief over that in this forum, but it really worked for us. The main reason for this was the schedule. Since my son was never put down right after nursing/bottle (except for night wakeups, that was never an issue for us. I would start by moving the feeding up in your schedule. To start with, how about the bottle, then the stories? Then the bottle isn't connected to sleeping? I would definitely put him down while awake, as that is the start.

I tried to start with naps, and then move to nighttime, but he only really got it when I was consistent for all sleeping. I started at about 4 weeks, and was totally inconsistent for quite some time. I really took it serious at about 8 weeks. The first time he cried for 13 minutes (we did this when he was still in the pack and play in our room), and the next night it was 7 minutes, after that, he was pretty good. He might cry for a minute or two, and then realize he was really tired, and go right to sleep.
Know that this isn't going to be easy. I cried right along with him, but he now knows how to go to sleep on his own, and is a great sleeper. I wouldn't wait until rice cereal, as that won't make a difference in his ability to self soothe.

I read that breastfeed babies can't sleep through the night early on, but my son slept through the night starting at 10 weeks, and has had no issues. He is a healthy chubby boy, and couldn't be happier.

Good luck, and let me know if you would like any more information on this method.

No miracle sleep tips here, just remember: every baby is different! All of those sleep books have great advice, but if you worry too much about what they say, you can end up feeling stressed out, like you're doing things all wrong. Trust your instincts: this is your baby, and you are the expert on him! If you are satisfied with the amount of sleep that you're both getting, don't worry about what he's "supposed" to be doing at night! I do strongly recommend the Dr. Sears website, though, for suggestions and encouragement.

Please believe me when I tell you my following remarks are not meant to be mean or anything but supportive. I think just saying it like I see it is the best way for you to gauge where you fit and what you want to do. With the information I give you you'll be able to pick want you think best aides your decision. But remember, nothing in parenting can be hard and fast other than killing and purposely injuring your child is wrong. What ever school of thought you want to utilize keep it at the guideline level and not the written in stone level...there must be flexibility to address unexpected situations...and either way you will have nights that will frustrate you. So....here goes.

Even the absolute most basic entry level study of psychology and child development would tell you that you're asking too much of your wee one right now.

At this point his brain does not understand separation. If he doesn't see you right now, you don't exist. When he's crying--freaking out--it's because he's in a state of mourning and is frightened.

I don't know why everyone chooses the so called "easy" way even in the face of proper science and education. Self soothing by parents not responding is a false concept. We develop interesting and unhealthy "coping" skills when we feel insecure and alone. Sure, they get us through to a point, but they then interfere in proper relationships in other arenas. We're not talking about training a puppy, and if we were we would understand it takes time and commitment. The only way for your wee one to learn true independence is to teach him he is safe, that you ARE there ALL the time even if you don't want to be. You must be the consistency that all other things are based on...he becomes free to explore and grow because you have proven that you are steadfast and immovable...you're like the ocean or the mountain and he's able to use you as his tether but first you must be vetted.

It's our job to respond. It's our job to submit to parenting. It's our job to SHOW there's no reason for concern and display proof of that until they are capable of reasoning it's true.

Think of how you as an adult feel when you ask for help from someone and they simply tell you to solve it yourself when you have NO IDEA HOW. It's absolutely frustrating and if it's important that you get results quickly it can reduce you to tears even though as an adult you have all the tools or access to tools as well as perspective in order to attain what is needed. How is an infant supposed to tackle things the same way?

Read the information from Jean Piaget on capability and development--he's a staple of Psychology 101...as is Pavlov and Freud. Understanding at this point your baby is working hard at simply learning to coordinate his senses...honestly, you are asking WAY TOO MUCH from him. He is INCAPABLE of doing what you want...right now.

Now, you can train your child to stop asking for you, but it isn't "self soothing", it's "giving up". You may be ok with that "giving up" because it gets you off the hook, but in reality the physiological and physiiological effect on your infant's brain and body is quite seriously negative.

If you're even halfway considering the "babywise" method PLEASE consult this website first: http://www.ezzo.info/

Both Ferber (Cry-it-out)and Babywise, see an increase of ear infections, high heart rates, increased blood pressure, increase of stress hormones, etc...and psychologically turn parent from protector to torture/teaser. While parents buy into the reassurance of coming in every few minutes and do nothing but talk to or tap baby in actually it's paramount to waving a bone in front of a hungry dog and pulling it away. In other words it's just teasing the baby and even more cruel than disappearing for the night which is terribly scary and mean spirited.

Also consider that the Ezzo's have no professional training on their theories, have been caught in fraudulent claims of professional endorsements, and have been counseled against by the American Academy of Pediatrics--they are firmly against this method. Keep in mind also that Dr Richard Ferber has contradicted himself in his theory and changed his own line of thinking.

That is not to say if you're at a point of hurting or endangering your child you can't put him in a safe place and remove yourself from the equation for awhile...that is the only responsible thing to do. But for mere convenience putting your child in survival mode in order to make it through the night is a set up for needy, moody, hard to cope with change, shallow rooted children.

You "may" be interested in these articles, too...either to agree with or get mad at...either way, good read.
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html
http://www.ahaparenting.com/Ages-stages/newborns/case-aga...

Taking a good look at all the benefits of a AP type approach will allow you to create a system that works well for you even in it is rooted in the other side of the debate.

Elizabeth Pantley's book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" was incredibly helpful for dealing with teaching babies to sleep on their own. Your co-worker is right about putting him to bed while he is still awake. For my son we used a process of slowly working my way out of the room and being less and less involved with the soothing that I took from Pantley's book. It took a couple weeks but he turned into an excellent sleeper! (Keep in mind though that babies wake up at night to eat for a reason, their tummies are small and their brains are developing at night, they need the nourishment to keep up with that important growth, so don't expect to get rid of that night feeding right away!!)

Dear J.,
Ah, those precious little babies are so sweet. And exhausting. But, I have to agree with the ladies who encouraged you that self-soothing is a myth. Love your baby. Follow your instincts about feeding/holding/soothing him. They are little for such a short time. It only seems like forever when you are in the middle of it. One thing that might help for when you put him down initially at night, that I didn't figure out until my 6th! is that your arms are warm and snuggly and the bed is cold. I would put a heating pad down between the blanket and sheet to warm the bed and blanket before I fed the baby. Then, I would move the heating pad out of way just before putting the baby down. Warm arms, warm bed. Perfect. This made the transition from arms to bed much smoother. Hang in there. Know that you are blessing your child, creating strong bonds of trust between the two of you, which are incredibly important. A few nights' sleep can never replace the power of those bonds.

Hi J.--
I actually agree with Linda below. My degree is in development---I don't care what anyone says, babies are not capable of self-soothing. All her information about feeling safe is accurate. Studies show that babies who are forced to cry it out and do not have those needs met have higher incidents of depression and self-esteem issues when they are older. And the whole idea of spoiling them is ridiculous. If you meet their needs when they are little they are actually more independent when they get older because their foundation is solid. Hold your baby. Keep him close. They grow so quickly and soon he will be squirming to get out of your arms. We co-sleep and it has been wonderful. My oldest went to his own bed when he was a little over 3 1/2 and it was his choice and he's slept great since then--he's now five. Just a different perspective. If you don't like this perspective I would highly recommend the baby whisperer books, as she does not believe in the cry it out method and is much more supportive of baby and mommy's needs.
Good luck!
J.

I am totally for the self soothing teaching and I have done it with both my girls. It is such a great thing to teach your child so they can learn to calmly fall asleep on their own. With that said I have some advice. First your baby is still a little too young to self sooth. Wait until he is at least 6 months to start. He is too young to understand and will not get the concept so starting now will get you know where. Both my babies are breast fed so I never had a bottle but I would do the bedtime routine ending with their nursing then once they started to get drowsy I would sing a little song and old them once more by their crib, then lay them down and leave. Now all babies are different so you will have to see how your baby does. My first daughter cried a lot! and for long periods of time but after a while she learned and then went to sleep one her own. Now my second daughter is 8 months and I just started sleep training about 3 weeks ago and she does great! The first night she cried for about 30 seconds tops and then about a 10 second cry the next night. now she doesn't even cry when i lay her down. It is wonderful! So you'll just have to see how he does but wait until he is older and you will be so happy once he is falling asleep peacefully on his own.

Is it possible for a child this age to learn to self-soothe? probably. Is it in his best interests? i doubt it

A baby's biggest socio-developmental task at this age is to learn that the world is safe and there are adults (usually mom & dad) who will protect him and take care of his needs. There's plenty of time later on for him to learn independence. (This is from developmental theorist Erik Erikson and has been taught in human development courses for many year, it is not "pop-psychology" as one post said).

I actually let my kids sleep in my bed with me when they were babies. As they got older, we transitioned them into their own beds (usually when the next baby came, around 2). They are all great sleepers now, and rarely need us to soothe the back to sleep, only if they are sick. I'm not suggesting that you bring him to your bed, he seems content in his crib. But soothe him when you put him down; it sounds like its working for him and you both.

He's also going to hit a growth spurt here soon, and may need to eat a bit more at night - be patient as you work that out (it's generally less dramatic with bottle fed than breast fed, just wanted to give you a head's up)

I completely disagree that self-soothing is a myth. I have seen it first hand with all my children. It is never too early to start. It's too early to full-on sleep train (that comes around 5-6 months) but it is never too early to teach your baby good habits with falling to sleep...NEVER. Your coworker is right on. I have 3 kids who were all sleeping through the night (like from 8pm-8am) by between 4 and 7 months. From the start, I got them in a routine of eating as soon as they woke up from their last sleep (morning or naps) - then let them have some awake time and then fall asleep without a bottle. At night, I would do a routine also, but I would not make the bottle the last thing. I would do bath, bottle, then songs/stories and bed. I would always lay them down while they were sleepy but awake. I let them fuss just a little bit before running to their rescue, but would always comfort them if they got to a cry. One of my kids used a pacifier, one used my thumb, and one didn't use anything to soothe him/herself to sleep. Two of my kids basically sleep trained themselves with this method. For the other one, around 5-6 months I used the Ferber method to get them to learn to self-soothe. They're not really ready for it before that age, but it works wonders from that age forward. For a full description of the Ferber method, you can look at some of my older posts or check out the book "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. I swear by it. Good luck & message me if you have any questions or if I can help. Independent sleep is one thing that has been very important to our family and if you train your kids to do it, you will be so happy in the long run...a rested mommy is a happy mommy! I can count on one hand the number of times my kids have wakened in the middle of the night since they were 6-7 months old...and most of the time it's because they were sick. Good luck!