Hi,
So my co-leader for Girl Scouts just found out that the mom of a girl who was going to join is very ill. She has a bacterial infection with fluid in her lungs and has been in critical condition for 2 weeks and they have her in a medically induced coma. She is not responding well to medication.
We want to help, but my co-leader is barely acquainted (they just talked briefly about her daughter joining our troop) and I don't know her at all. But before we could get her daughter signed up for our troop, this happened.
How would you help in this situation? We don't know the family well enough offer babysitting. We were thinking about making some meals, but is that even appropriate - would you want food from a stranger? I know if it were my family, my husband would not eat it - he's just say thanks and throw it away - he's funny like that. We don't know enough about her situation to even know if they have a lot of support.
Thoughts? Just not sure what, if anything, is appropriate here.
The mother of this young family passed away the day before Thanksgiving. My heart is breaking for her family. I've been hugging my kids even closer since I heard. It's awful.
I've bought meals at Costco to give to families in need. (Frozen lasagne, loaf of bread, salad, marinating steak, fresh stuff shells etc) My husband and I would not eat homemade food from a stranger and we may not even eat it even if we knew the people that made it. We are funny like that too.
Gift cards are great as well!
Could you invite their daughter over for a play date? I am assuming you have a daughter the same age.
When my aunt got sick the first time she received a lot of checks and gift cards from people that she had never met (Friend of a friend, friend of my grandparent's, parents of her daughter's friends, etc). She continued to receive those gifts through her recovery to when she got sick again. Now that she has passed away, my grandparent's and her husband and daughter receive those gifts. It is a little awkward but still very much appreciated.
All our schools have a parent volunteer who runs something called "Helping Hands." Basically it's mom who organizes help for families in time of crisis or need: illness, death, serious injury, house fire/flood, etc. The help may consist of meals, driving, babysitting, collecting clothes/household goods, etc. depending on what the family needs.
Call the school and see if there's anyone like that. She can let you know if the family has requested help and what kinds of things you can do, and it's all done very discreetly.
If there is no "Helping Hands" person, could you ask the girl's teacher? She may know what's going on and what they need.
ETA: it saddens me to know that there are people who would just throw away food made out of kindness and love for the people in our community!
I would write a note to say you want to be supportive, and ask if there is someone coordinating the family's needs. There is a website called Lotsa Helping Hands which is free and which allows a family-appointed coordinator to post what is needed and not needed. It could be meals but can also include carpooling, yard work, inside help (laundry etc.) and other things. Obviously they'll only want their closest friends inside the house or cooking, but sometimes purchased complete meals from stores can be used. And anyone can rake leaves. The main thing is to find someone close to the family who is coordinating. The main thing is NOT to give the family one more thing to do, whether it's coordinating all the work for helpful neighbors or throwing out unwanted donations.
You could also take up a collection from the troop members' families and buy a gift card for food that can be delivered. But see if you can get a room parent from the class who knows the family to guide you.
You can also make a donation to the hospital that is treating her, and they will send a note to the family.
Can you assist with getting her daughter signed up for the troop and take her to GS meetings etc...
The family may appreciate the effort to keep their daughter's life somewhat normal during this tough time.
If you know their names and possibly their address, you could get a card and write in your sympathies and tell them that if they need anything to let you know, and put in a gift card to a restaurant or grocery store.
Whatever you do will be appreciated in this hard time for them, its so nice of you to think of them and want to help.
Up to you, but you could always have a get together with the girls like a party or sleep over and invite this girl, it might help for her to be around the other girls and take her mind off of the situation with her family.
Best wishes and I sure hope that her Mom gets better soon, I cant imagine..
Go with your gut. You don't even know them.
And I would totally throw the food out too. LOL
I would step up to the plate and create a meal schedule. When I was critically ill that is what my town did. That does help much more than you think. I cannot imagine someone throwing out food, in this situation, because you do not know the person. If you do take this,on, remind people that ziti and lasagne are great meals, but not every day. People tend to make those because they are easy.
I can't believe how many of you said you would throw the food out. I am having a hard time understanding this.
Because they do not know you, I suggest that just heartfelt words of sympathy is all that's appropriate. To do more feels presumptive on your part. Doing more requires a response from them at a time when their energy and time is limited.
I do not like the,"Let me know if you need something" question. No one is evr going to respond that they 1. would love a box of KFC chicken tonight, 2. love for you to come and shovel the snow, 3. could really use a help with the kids one Saturday afternoon.
I prefer for people to JUST DO IT and let me say thanks. I am way too prideful to ask.
And no Patty K., I would not throw out food either--but I am a down home, Texas sustah! :)
I agree you can help through a close friend of theirs, ask their friend what do they need and help that way. The gift card for groceries is great too.
When I was very ill, my friends and family set up an acct with www.mealtrain.com. Its an website that has timeslots for people to put their name in, what they will bring etc. to the family in need. Its free and easy to do.I definitely suggest it. It was so helpful when I needed the assistance.
HTH
