Helping a Child Manage Anger/frustration

I used an anger management tool when I was teaching that you can try. I had a special place where I would put younger kids when they acted out in anger. I called it the "Cool Down Corner". It had a table and a chair, with a pencil and "Mad Pad". The child could then scribble or write out frustrations or anger. It's like time out, but takes it a step further, allowing them to vent. I found it to be very helpful in channeling anger to something instead of someone. And ,some of the drawings and writings were hilarious. :)

I'm dealing with something similar myself--I tried this technique, which may or may not help your individual situation. I read about it in Mothering Magazine. Hold up one the number of fingers to represent your child's age, plus one. For example, you would hold up five fingers for your four-year old. Tell him that each one is a candle he needs to blow out when he gets angry or frustrated. As he blows once, put one finger down. Then have him blow again, put down another finger, etc. until all the candles are "out." This forces them to focus and breathe deeply, and takes them out of the anger moment as well. Model this for him when YOU are angry. Whatever method you use for him, make sure you use it yourself--he'll learn best that way. Good luck!

He's still pretty young to be perfect at coping with the frustration of not having his way all the time - he's still learning. If he's just stomping off and pouting, I would just ignore it. Eventually he should learn that such behavior gets him nowhere if he doesn't get any attention (even negative attention) for it. If he's yelling threats at his cousin during a play date, I would give him one warning - and if he continues, the play date is over (either by you guys leaving and going home, or him spending the rest of the time in his room alone). Before the play date, explain to him how you expect him to behave and what would be some appropriate responses when he isn't getting his way, then if he can't get along, the play date will be done. I just read the book "1-2-3 Magic!" by Thomas Phelan and really liked it lot. It points out all the different strategies kids use to manipulate people (especially their parents!) and try to get their way and how you can calmly follow through with consequences when they choose to misbehave.

EDITED TO ADD: My daughter is 3.5 - she generally gets along really well with other kids but gets mad when she doesn't get her way with me or has to face to consequences of choosing to misbehave or not cooperate. I've been spending a lot of time letting her know it's okay to get mad, but it's not okay to throw her toys, etc. It might also be helpful to start letting your son know it's okay to feel whatever he feels, but it's not always okay to act mean because of it.

One word...."Kung fu." Martial arts in general, if taught the traditional way, are great ways for kids to manager their anger and self-control. Kung fu is the best one to look for, since it requires concentration, self-disipline, and doesn't involve direct contact. Tai Chi is also good. Karate is another traditional martial art, but does involve contact.

I'm not an expert, by any means, but my daughter, as a 3 yr. old, totally did this kind of thing with her little Disney princess dolls. I was a little worried about it, but she has definitely just moved on to different toys over the past year or two. I think kids with certain personalities may keep them around longer.

I blogged about this recently. http://heyyougetreal.com/momblog/behviour-and-food/
I think you will find it helpful.

B.
Family Success Coach