Helping 18M Acclimate to New Baby

My kids are 15 months apart, and we talked about the new baby, and referred to my son as "big brother." When my daughter was born, he was really receptive to her and gave her lots of kisses. There really is no way to make them understand fully, but the good news is, they won't be overly jealous...just excited. Good Luck!

Hi there S.!
WOW..Sounds like you are going to have your hands Full!!! I TOTALLY understand!!!! I have four children....11, 9, and 4 and 3....I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant and my little one was only 10 months old! What in the world was I going to do and how was I going to explain everything to her and not feel like I was leaving her out!? Well, I just told myself just what you have read....INCLUDE your 18 month old in anything you can...!!!! IT works! I did everything to getting me a diaper, putting powder and lotion on his belly, and toes! I made her feel like she was a BIG helper! And then when the baby was asleep...my time was focused on her! We read books, colored, painted in the tub!!! We did extra fun time together when I could!
Just relax and don't stress about it right now...you honestly can't plan everything out! Take it as it comes and just remember to praise your 18 month old for even the tiny things that he/she does!!!! Enjoy them both because I promise you TIME slips AWAY!!!! I look everyday at my kiddos and I can't beleive I am 36 years old and my kids are growing faster everyday!!!
I get sad sometimes because I worried about WHAT TO DO , OR IF I WAS DOING IT RIGHT!!! Just enjoy!!!! You are only human and that is a job in itself!!!!! lol!!
Hope this helps you!
T.

I have a 4 week old and a 19 month old son. My older son has been the center of our world and we thought that when the new baby was here there would be a huge problem. When I was pregnant we would point to my belly and say baby, and we have to be nice to the baby and he would pat my belly. (We also had a big brother book) Starting the first day home from the hospital we made a big deal out of having him show us wheres the baby, and where is the big brother and where is the mommy and daddy. He has been great and wants to help with everything from making bottles to changing diapers. The first thing he does in the morning is run to see the baby. I wish you the best of luck.

Our two boys are 15 months apart. i didn't worry how big brother might act. He was fine when his brother was born and brought him home from the hospital. He even helped me out. i wouldn't worry about it too much. If your child doesn't like the new baby at first, he'll eventually bond to him. just give it time. Just make sure you don't count him out of things. Also, still doing things with your oldest, like taking him to the park or the zoo as a treat every once in awhile might help the transition. That way he doesn't get jealous or think that mommy and daddy have ignored him. Also, letting him see you and the baby in the hospital will help too. It helped with my son. good luck.

When our second son arrived, I had a hard time remembering that the first was still just a baby too! It is hard not to try to make them "grow up too fast" and to expect too much from them when the new baby arrives. You can also expect regression and the older child imitating behaviors of the new baby.

Now having given you some additional advice for free,I will answer your question. I bought a doll for my older son (after many heated discussions with his Dad) and had him "play with me" as I was caring for his baby brother. When I fed the new baby, he fed his baby. I had a separate tub for him to give his baby a bath while I gave his baby brother his bath (the tub you get from the hospital is perfect to use for this.) We had received doubles on some of the equipment you need for a baby (swings,bouncy seats, etc) and I let the older child use the extras instead of returning them to the store. When the baby was fussy (which was pretty often with the second son) we got out books and "read stories" to our babies as we rocked them. I think this helped me focus on something other than the crying of the new baby and assisted in me being able to stay calm. The tone of my voice while reading also probably helped calm the fussy baby.

The boys are grown now and have always been very close. I like to think that the activities and time we spent together during this time helped bond their friendship.

My son was 13 months when my daughter came. When we brought him home we just kept showing him the baby, and telling him he must be gentile with her. He did not understand gentile for a while, but he did get the hang of it after a couple of weeks. I also made sure to give him a lot attention still. When my daughter was sleeping I would still play with him like before, and I would lay down with him at nap time. That way he knew that he was very important to me. My daughter is now 18 months old and the 2 of them really love each other. Micah always makes sure that if he gets something that she does to. You will figure out what your son needs as well as your new baby. Remember for the first couple of months your new baby will be asleep the majority of the time, and so your family will have time to adjust to dividing the attention. Good luck, and congradulations

two grandchildren 13 months apart,first one a boy.got a doll receiving blanket bottle and diper.when we changed fed or rocked the baby big brother did the same thing with the doll. no dad it did not turn him into a sissy,of the 3 brothers he is the most boy boy of them all. show him how to handle the baby only with parents there,let him powder and help when possible doll comes home with the baby plus a special toy for big brother

Hi S.,

As a daycare provider and a mother of 4 myself, I have a few thoughts for you. So here they are:

I would go get him a baby doll and show him a few things:
I would show him how to hold his baby.
How to burp his baby.
How to lay his baby down gently.
And how to touch, kiss and hug his baby gently just like he will with his baby bother. At 18 months they will imatate what you are doing and while you are taking care of baby brother he can take care of of his baby.

Now I know that people think that a boy playing with a doll may make him a be a girl and all of that but when you are trying to explain to a 18 month old child what is about to happen the best way is with a visual object.

I watch 4 children in my home and I have 4 children of my own. I will also be watching a new baby in 4 weeks. We have all been in "preperations" for the new baby. Learning about how to be gentle to the new baby and being patient when the older kids need something. You can use the baby as a teaching tool, just like you would show him how to throw a ball and oick up toys.

Our girls are 18 months apart. I wasn't really worried about the transition because our oldest loved playing with dolls and was really excited about the baby. I also knew that she wouldn't remember life without her little sister, so I thought having them close together would be easier, and so far I've been right. They fight like most siblings do, but they are also best friends. When our second child was born we did bring home a gift from her to her big sister and a onesie that said "I'm a big sister" which she wore with pride. We also brought home a bone for the dog. My parents came and helped with things after the baby was born, and extra attention from Grandma and Grandpa was a big perk too. It really wasn't a problem. Its got a lot to do with personalities, but I also think that 18 months and younger is easier when introducing a new baby.

S.,
I have 5 kids, several of whom are about 18 months apart. The best thing we have found is 1) don't leave the kids alone in the same room! and 2) spend some time alone with the older kid. I have been pretty lucky as my older kid usually becomes a daddy's boy or girl around that age and then when I spend a ton of time with the newborn it is not so traumatic.

We try to give the older child a little one on one time with either mom or dad once a week. Of course we praise them when they are nice or gentle with the baby and all that.
Sometimes it is hard to deal with guilt for not being there as much for the older one but when they are a little older and become good buddies you feel really good for giving them a sibling.
Hang in there!
D.

My daughter was 19 months old when my son was born... The baby bought her a present and let her help out a bunch... We also took turns spending some alone time with her... one night I would take her on a walk and leave baby and daddy at home, the next night daddy would take her to the park and me and baby would stay home... I let her pick out the clothes he wore and I let her help me sing him songs, I'd let her pick the song we'd sing... While he would nap, she'd help me with laundry(more of a mess than help but she liked it) and we'd draw him pictures to hang above his crib from big sissy. During bath time, I'd let her wash his feet and legs and I'd get the rest of the body... It's just the small things that show them that you haven't forgotten about them. Good luck with the transition and congrats on the new baby!

OK...so my boys are 15 months apart. (now 6 and 7 and best friends) From the beginning he was a part of the babies life. We brought the baby home from the hospital and "hid" him in a very simple place and then when my parents came with my older boy we told him to go and find his own baby brother. He loved looking for "his" baby brother. The biggest thing is we are all a little over protective of our newborns and this is good in many ways, but not with a young, older sibling. He needs to know that it is his to help out with and when the baby gets older he can play with the baby and share his toys with the baby. I started early with the sharing, long before the baby really cared about toys. I woudl have my oldest get a toy for himself and then describe a good toy he could get for his brother (soft book, or rattle, baby blocks....) It was good learning skills for him and he feel right into sharing when the time came. I would lay the baby on the floor and show the older how to play nicely (about three months) with the baby. Teach him what is safe and what is not. If you do it gently and softly he will love the baby from the beginning. When he feels that he is always doing something wrong, or you don't want to spend time with him, then he will act out.
If you are feeding or nursing. I would read, and he would turn the pages for me. Sometimes it was music time. Or a special basket of toys that he only gets to play with at feeding time. The key is to teach him that when the baby is hungry you need to feed him, just like when he is hungry you have to get him some food...so while I am feeding what would you like to do? play with the train or read a book Whatever he seems most interested in. If he likes snacks maybe make it his snack time as well. But when you are done feeding then it is 10 minutes with the older one. "Let me feed the baby while you build with the blocks and then mommy will play blocks with you. (If you are nursing don't be surprised if your older starts to nurse his animals, or dolls too. It is very funny to watch. Both of my boys did this and it was very entertaining. They even switched sides!!!

If you start out with a good plan and share it with you child, tweak it when necessary, then all he knows to do is what you two have come up with together. It may be rough for the first few months, but as they got older it was lots of fun to watch them interact.

dont worry just take it one day at a time. my oldest two boys are 23months apart almost to the day. he came with me to ob my oldest loved to come with me to the dr. and the dr would make a big deal about listening to the babys heartbeat with him. and one time the little doppler was broken and they had to do it the old fashioned way with some wierd looking stethescope contraption. he LOVED listening to the heartbeat that way. i was a single mom when i had my second one so i was so worried about how my oldest would take to his new brother. but he loved him. after i had my second baby while i was still in the hospital my oldest came to see us. he got to go pick out a shirt at the gift shop that said i am a big brother. and he helped pick out a stuffed animal for his brother and flowers for mommy. also my brother in law who he absolutly adores was kind of a father to him in thos first few years till i meet my husband. he was the one to bring my son to see me and held my son in his lap and helped him hold his brother. which he thougth was the coolest thing. i dont knwo how your son is but my son loved to help out mommy and papa (that is what he called my brother in law) so we got him to help us with baby by bringing us diapers wipes whatever we needed and when it was tummy time for baby we all got on the floor and made a big thing out of trying to keep baby happy. also one thing that helped me is not only did my brother in law make sure to take my oldest out by himself once a week for awhile my sister also took care of baby so my son and i could have alone time with out the new baby taking all mommys attention. good luck it will work its self out just keep an eye out for those little signs and listen to your mommy instinct. u will knwo if/when he starts to get jealous.

My girls are 18m and 3 days apart, and our oldest Audrey had no real problem with the new baby. I felt worse about it than she did. I felt guilty, knowing that I was not going to be able to spend as much one on one time with her. She took it all in stride. She pretty much ignored her untill she got about 6 months old and started worring about her toys being taken. Before that, she was only worried about there not being enough room in my lap for her anymore, and I just explained that I always have enough lap for both of my girls. I also made a point to make sure that when the baby was down for naps that I spent time with her. For the first few months, that was a lot of time. I also made sure to coordinate thier afternoon naps as much as possible so I could have a few min to myself (usually for catching up on sleep a bit). For the first 6 mon, I did not put them in the same room especally for naps, but now they are. Child proof your older sons room well, so if he wakes up he can play by himself for a few min, if you are in the middle of cleaning or something he stays happy. Now they are 2 1/2 and 4 and are the best of friends. Every year does get easier.

Hi
I was in the same boat only 6 short months ago. My little boy was 18 months when my little girl was born. He adapted really well. We tried to constantly include his, so that he would not get jealous and that seemed to work. We made a big deal out of him being a big boy and big brother. And when someone would come over to see the baby we would ask that they talk to him first and maybe even have him show them the baby. It seemed to work, I hardly saw any jealously or acting out. You will definately have your hands full, but it's already much better and my little girl is almost 6 months old. She still is getting up at night, but luckily my little boy is now sleeping thru the night my himself in a big boy bed. He is great with his little sis. He tries to play and take care of her, he just has to be reminded to be gentle. Hope this helps and if you have any specific questions that I could help with let me know. Good Luck!

My children are 22 months apart. When we found out I was pregnant we talked to our son about it all the time. When he was a little older (he was about 9 months when I got pregnant) we went and got him a baby doll that was just his, he didn't have to share it with anyone that came over. He took care of the baby doll like he would with a baby. Like someone said they know more than what you think being that little. When the time came for me to have his baby sister, that was the stressful part (we were also in Germany) but he had to go to someone else and when I came home I couldn't leave his side he had seperation anxiety, but we got over that and he was oooing and ahhhing over his new baby sister, he had to give her her pacifier and feed her when he could.

I have a boy, 31 mos. old, and a girl, 15 mos. old. He was 16 mos. old when she arrived. And, like you, I found little resources for under 2 yrs. old. Our Dr. gave us the advice that unless my daughter was nursing (something my husband couldn't do for her) that I should be as available for his needs as possible. The new baby won't have preconceived ideas about what you should do for them but your son does. The baby will be oblivious to the "changes". My son was hot and cold with me for the first month and then it was back to normal.
Good luck with the delivery. There's no greater thing than when you see your babies loving each other. (Mine now try to hold hands across the back seat of the car sometimes...it is incredibly sweet.)

It is so easy at this age to introduce a new sibling. Let him sit on your lap and "hold" the baby with you. Show him pictures of when he was a baby. Let him bring you diapers and things and comment on what a big helper he is. At this age it's usally a 2 week to 1 month transistion. As a mother of 9, I think this is the best age gap between chilren. On a side note, when I had my third baby, I bought baby dolls to give my 4 and 2 year old daughters when I walked into the house from the hospital. They threw the gift wrapped packages on the floor and ran to dad who was carrying their new baby brother. They just wanted to hold him-forget the dolls. No bonding issues at all. Congratulations on your new baby!
D.

My son and daughter are 18mo apart. I think the biggest thing that you can do is to let him know, honestly, how his world is about to change. Don't let his age deceive you, he can understand a lot. That hogwash about not being able to understand anything is BS...if a dog or a cat realizes their world has been turned upside down, what on earth would make you think an 18 mo who had previously had your undivided attention won't notice you are now consumed with a squalling baby???

Talk to him like a "big boy" and be honest about the changes. I would let him know that there will be times that you won't be available to him or can't do what he needs done right away like you have always done for him because babies need a lot of attention. That you are counting on him to help you with the baby and that his help is very much needed and appreicated. You don't need to do it all at one time but talk to him throughout the day. Let him know that if you are feeding the baby, you can't get up and do something for him but he can come and sit by you on the couch and snuggle with you both. Let him know what the limits and the expecations you have of him are and reinforce it...."you can't do this, but you can do this..."

I think in retrospect the one thing we really didn't prepare my son for was the fact that this new baby was going to be worthless to him as a playmate for awhile...everyone in the family kept going on about how he was going to have someone to play with and he was VERY disappointed when all she did was eat, sleep, and poop for a good long while.

Definitely play up the big brother thing. We bought our son a big brother sweatshirt for the big day and let him pick out a present for the baby (which he did really well...he picked out an incredibly soft blanket that is still her favorite to this day). We made sure that (outside of Daddy) he was the first family member to meet his sister (and he knew it). AND we made sure his sister bought a present for her big brother (that way he didn't feel left out of getting new things).

I will tell you it will be a long hard journey for the next few months until you get her sleeping at night. Make sure you make time for yourself but that you make one-on-one time for your son too. If you can go to mommy and me yoga or gymnastics and put the baby in daycare, do it...but do something special with him so he knows he's still important.

At this point, my eldest is about to turn 5 and the daughter is 3. They are at the constant struggle of love hate but generally care for one another quite well and look out for eachother. It's something you need to nourish each day, but I know that although I didn't want to have them so close together, they are great for eachother and will probably have a strong bond throughout life.