Help! Worried Sick About Transitioning 3Yr Old to New In-home Daycare...

Hi! i'm a mom of 3yo girl and i used to work in a daycare center/preschool, so i know how you feel- at least to some extent.
the more you feel/act stressed and worried about it, the more she will pick up on that and it will be harder for her. if you can "act" like it's "no big deal", then she will be more apt to do the same-- at least faster than if you didn't.
is there any possibility of you visiting/playing at the new place ahead of time (even a couple of times). the more that you talk about it excitedly (the new friends, what you like about the new place, the fact that you might-- if it actually is possible-- be able to go back to visit the old place and friends, etc...)the more she will be excited. yes, you both will still be somewhat nervous but you want your excitement about this new adventure to be bigger than and overshadow the nervousness.
they should also have an open door policy for you to call/drop in anytime to check on things there.

If you are this upset about it, why change? Also, if you are this upset, how do you think your dd feels? As a long time daycare provider, I know the importance of continuity for a child in daycare. She has been there half her life, so switching will be a very big deal for her, and she is obviously already concerned about it. Is wanting more of a preschool program really that important? Since she has an August bday, it will be another 2-3 yrs until she starts kindergarten. She has a long time to do more preschool activities before starting kindergarten. Kids are only young once and so many parents push school on them at a time when play should be more important than worksheets. Even if your current provider does not run her home daycare like a preschool, she is running it like a home, which probably is one of the reasons you chose her daycare. Children can learn the exact same material at home - or in a home daycare - as they can in a preschool classroom setting. As a daycare provider, it bothers me that you haven't talked to your current provider about this. Shouldn't you at least talk to her about your want for more preschool activities and give her the chance to offer that before finding new daycare and just giving your provider 2 weeks notice? You say there is nothing wrong with your dd's current care and she has been there a year and a half, is it really a necessity to move her? And is it more for her or for you to have her somewhere more preschool focused? I hope I don't sound mean, I just have had the same thing happen in my daycare, parents pull their child out for something more structured, but they have also come back, saying their child wasn't happy elsewhere, they weren't happy, and they wish they would have never moved their child and had their child go through all that stress and trauma. I stress talking to your current provider, letting her know what you want and at least giving her the chance to offer more. If the provider chooses not to offer more, and you still feel the need for more, at least you have given her a chance and she knows how you feel.

If you do still move her, IMO, I would have her visit a few times, with you, and show her how fun it is there, and how comfortable you are with her being there. When you start her, I would have her start full time, full days, if that is what is going to be normal. It is typically easier on a child to start with a normal daily routine, rather than doing a few hours or a half day - that ends up confusing the child about when mom/dad are coming to pick up.

Whatever you decide, best of luck to you and your dd.
S.
mom of 3 and daycare provider for 20+ yrs

I would say if you are that nervous about it then give her a shorter trial day the first day. And if you can manage it I would plan to spend a few extra minutes at the end of the day (not the begining, keep that short and simple) so you can talk to her and the daycare provider about how her day was and who she had fun playing with. Then the next time she goes you can reminder that she had fun with this child and they can have fun again this day.

I think you should go ahead with the move and try not to worry about it too much! You think it would be a better fit for your daughter, and that is very important. As for the trauma, young children are very adaptable, and very quickly forget people they no longer see. You are making only one change after a long time with one person. It's not as if you're continually changing daycare providers. Your daughter will probably find it hard at first, but she will find comfort in her new environment quickly, if it is a good place for her to be.

You can never know if you are making the "right" decision, but you can know that you are making what you feel is the best decision given the information and experience that you have.

My older son, now 4, went to two different preschools in a year and a half before starting at the one he is at now. The first move was because of scheduling problems, and the last move was because a place in our first-choice school opened up. Each time he moved schools, I also worried about the transition, but was amazed at how easily my son adapted.

I would start her with half days, and gradually lengthen the time she is there, if that is possible for you. Tell the daycare person to call you if she cannot calm herself after a certain amount of time. Also, act confident and happy about the change, and as though it's not that big a deal. If you can show your daughter that you expect that it will be fine, she will most likely believe that it will be fine.

Good luck!

I know exactly how you feel. We had to switch my 3 year old daughter the week after she turned 3 because we moved. It was so hard for me. I had the same worries as you. I think it was actually harder on me then her, looking back. She still talks about her old daycare and there have been days where she wants to go back to the old one. But all in all she did very well with the change. She has been there for about a month and a half now, and she is still adjusting to the change, but I think she did well with it.