Help with Two-year Old Hitting Her Little Sister

Hi, sounds like a classic case of jealousy. As your younger one gets older and more mobile, your older one will feel more threatened. Plus, she gets attention from you when she hurts her sister, which is also the objective of the older one (seeing as she feels she has less since the baby was born).
My suggestions would be, give your older one as little attention for the hitting as is possible (without ignoring it completely). e.g.- when she hits, go directly to the younger one and comfort her (in front of the older) without even talking to your oldest. This shows her that when she hits, you will give even more attention to her sister. Then remove your oldest without talking to her and put her in her room ( or where ever you give time outs). At this point, she knows that hitting is wrong and your silence can be a powerful tool and message. If she resists the time out, keep returning her to the time out spot with out talking or making eye contact (i.e. giving her the attention she is looking for). Try to be as consistent as you can even when you are out of your house. Easier said then done!
On the flip side, make a time that you spend alone with your older daughter ideally, every week. Try to do things that she really loves to do. Have your husband do the same. Praise her for any positive behavior that she shows towards her younger sister however small. Load on the attention for the positive. You could even do a sticker chart for the positive.
Good luck. Remember, this will take time
L.

Hi L.

My daughter and son are 23months apart. I too had similar issues. What I did when she would hurt him, I would ask her why she was hurting him. Then I would ask her how she would feel if he did that to her. Sounds crazy but it worked most times. I found the more I got upset with her or gave time outs, the more she did it. I have them share toys and have doubles of a few favorites, so everything is fair game. With exception to special stuffed animals. It's hard to figure it out but it gets better all the time. Good Luck!

J.

Children are intently cued in to fairness. If your older child senses an unlevel playing field she will resent it and take out her frustrations on the youger sibling. Is it possible to create a space for the older child which is off limits for the younger...a private space where she can set up projects and keep things that she does not want disturbed? Also try to be as fair as possible and not just respond negatively to what the older child does. If the younger child is interfering with the older child, respond to it in a calm mature way and step in to remove the younger child or stop her from continuing the activity...don't just say... Oh she is only a baby. Also, whenever posible point out to the older child that she is older and is more experienced and that she can teach things to her little sister who looks up to her. N.

Hi, My kids are now 3 years old and 1 years... I would encourage you to use the 1 2 3 Magic technique... it has been great for us. Whenever my oldest did anything aggressive with the baby I went right to 3 and did a time out. we really only use it for really bad behavior... And now she rarely hits etc... and is generally pretty gentle with the baby. Also we try and have time with just the oldest and mommy and/or daddy and have special toys that the baby is not allowed to play with. Hope this is helpful.
A.
PS Also we poured on the positive attention and praise whenever she did anything nice with the baby.