Help with Toddler Nap Time!

Updated on November 06, 2008
J.C. asks from McKinney, TX
17 answers

My 21 month old has decided she doesn't want to nap!! And she desparately needs to, she's so cranky.

She has always been a good sleeper. We have a routine before naps and bed time. She used to hop into bed, talk to herself for a while, play with her teddy bear, etc and then go to sleep. Now she won't stay in bed. She is in a toddler bed. She cries when we put her down. And when we leave the room she gets out of bed and goes to play with her toys. When we go back in to put her back in bed, she screams. If we can force her to stay in bed by sitting with her, she will go to sleep. But I don't want to sit in there every day! Yesterday after fighting with her for 2.5 hours, she got up with no nap.

This has been going on for a week and now she's starting to do it at night. Her baby sister sleeps in there at night and I'm worried neither will be sleeping soon!

So what can I do to make her nap and stop this?

Oh, and I am guessing some of this is a power struggle as she's also been testing her limits in other areas such as taking forever to go potty and not sitting to eat, too.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Well, I tried putting her down later, she never seemed to get tired. And that day she finally napped but then wouldn't go to sleep at night because she got up from nap at 6pm.

I also tried just letting her play, she didn't nap at all, she played in her room for 3.5 hours, yikes! She has never been able to go to bed, I had to have a routine and put her to bed, she wouldn't fall asleep anywhere else like a stroller or car or while playing. So I'm not surprised she doesn't fall alseep on the floor or go to bed when playing.

The last two days I stood outside her door with it cracked and each time she touched a toe to the ground, I went back in and put her back in bed. The first day it took about 30 minutes. Then she cried for 20 minutes and then talked to herself for an hour. The second day it only took three times, then she talked to herself for 20 minutes! Yay!

Thanks for all the advice, I hadn't even thought it could be part of the new baby thing as she is two months old! I can't put her in the crib, the baby sleeps there. And its not that I'm potty training her - she has been in panties for four months. Its that she wants to sit ont he potty FOREVER, lol. I think because it gets her attention. I have to sit there with her, often with a baby on the boob, and I'm paying attention to her. So I've started giving her more cuddle time during the day when I can. I've also started just heloing her get her pants down and get on the potty, but then leaving while she goes. That has seemed to help!

And the meal thing, the other night she wanted to get up. I was trying to get her to stay and she was throwing a fit. So I took her in and put her in bed and told her if she didn't want to listen she could go to bed. I shut the door. She started saying "listen, listen" so I got her and put her back in her seat at the table and she sat there the rest of the meal, yay! I told her she didn't have to eat if she was done, but she did have to sit there while the rest of the family was eating.

So, it seems to be helping, thanks for all the suggestions! We will get through this time - just hoping I still have my sanity, lol!

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A.O.

answers from Sherman on

She's just asserting her will. (after all she's almost 2) However, I know how frustrating it is for you...I delt with this with my daughter at that age also. We would close her bedroom door at naptime and sometimes she would cry and sometimes she would fall asleep on the floor, but after about a week she realized it was a no win situation for her and started napping without a fuss again. My daughter is now 2 1/2 and there are days that she will test me, but now I will set an alarm and tell her that she cannot get out of her room until the alarm sounds. Usually she falls asleep, but is she doesn't at least I got 30-45 minutes of quite time.

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S.B.

answers from Killeen on

Something that really helped my son stay in his big boy bed during naptime is taking the toys OUT of his room. There's less distractions when there's no toys. (My son's ADHD so keeping him focused was a long battle) It still takes him a while..and sometimes he still doesn't take a nap..but he's hyperactive. He's made a dramatic improvement with only his toy he takes to bed in the room. I'm guessing for a child with no hyperactivity it might do some good too! I wish you luck! Hope it helps some.

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V.H.

answers from Houston on

My son decided he was done with naps at this age too!! It got easier to let his cranky butt stay up! Then we had early dinner and he went to bed early. If this is not in your lifestyle, then use bribery. Take a nap so we can go to the park! Something like that. You may have her decide what you can do after naptime!?
Good Luck.

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J.M.

answers from Austin on

This sounds almost exactly like my situation. My daughter was also sleeping well in a toddler bed in her own room and was also potty trained until her baby brother came along. When I started reading your question, I wondered if there was another sibling and was not at all surprised when I saw that you had another one arrive in August. It looks like I am just a few months ahead of you! (My son was born in May and my daughter was 25 months old.) My daughter regressed with her potty training and had really rough nights for a couple of months. I was prepared for the regression, but what surprised me is that it didn't START until the baby was two months old. I thought I was going to be lucky because she was fine for the first couple of months and then all of a suddnen, she started having accidents and wanted to be rocked to sleep. In fact, she started acting like a baby in most every way. (She stopped eating her food, too.) I struggled for a while, but after a couple weeks of showing her lots of affection, demonstrating that I still love her, devoting time to her every day, etc. things finally began to improve. Actually, I really believe that it was my daughter's ability to understand, and after a couple months of her growing up and developing a better awareness, I think she was much better!

I suspect, that your daughter's power struggle has a lot to do with a new sibling. I know that this probably doesn't help a whole lot, but it will get better. Personally, I made nap time a special time for rocking and cuddling while the baby was asleep, and slowly weaned the rocking away after I felt she was feeling better. I tried to celebrate her independence instead of fighting it, and made potty time special, but stopped trying to make it happen. I hope that helps. GOOD LUCK!

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

I have a 3 yr old and 2 yr old and used to battle with both of them everyday at naptime and bedtime. I thought I would never say this, but for me tv was the answer. My kids are not allowed to watch tv during the day. They get 30 min when they first wake up and thats it thru out the day. But I got them a tv for their room (they share also) and now nap and bedtime are a breeze. I let them watch tv at naptime and they pass out in about 15 min. At night time it takes about 30 min for them to get to sleep. then I cut the tv off and turn their sleepy time tunes on in the cd player. I tried everything before. Reading to them, fussing at them and nothing helped. This does. It may seem like the easy way out, I thought so at first, but it saves me so much time and negitive energy and isn't that the goal anyway!!

Have a great day!!

D. Mattern-Muck
http://www.formyrugrats.com

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L.M.

answers from Houston on

I would stop trying to fight her staying in bed on nap time. One of my co-workers used to have the same problem with her little boy. She decided to put him to bed, shut the door, and then if he crawled out of bed to play with his toys, so be it, as long as he did not come back out of the room. After a little while, she would go check on him and he would be asleep on the floor with his toys or he would have crawled in bed on his own and gone to sleep.

Yes, you are expericing a power struggle. Now is the time to set the boundries. The not sitting to eat is a big one for me. As my son, now 6, was switching from a high chair to a booster, he started getting up while eating at home and at restaurants. When he wouldn't stay seated, we would get a high chair and make him sit in it. It didn't take him long to figure out he wasn't going to win that battle. My sister, who has a daughter 9 months younger than my son, did not try to make her daughter stay seated. To this day, she'll be 6 in March, she still gets up and wanders around the table whether dining at home or in a restaurant. It drives me nuts, especially because my son thinks he should be able to also.

Good luck. These battles can make you crazy. It's amazing the will power of a 2 year old!

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H.H.

answers from Houston on

I'm not sure what to tell you. My son, at 3, still needs naps. Since his baby sister came (when he was 2) I lie down with him to go to sleep for naps (before that we rocked). It works everytime, I am usually in there for less than 10 minutes. To me, it's more important that he sleep.

I also still rock my 16 month old for her nap (as I did my son). And if she needs me to lie down with her at some point, I'll do that too. A good nap schedule is essential to good nighttime sleeping. It's too important, so I'd rather do what they "need" (or think they need!) than what someone else thinks is right or wrong.

I also would rock my son (once he stopped nursing) to one of the Baby Einstein videos. It lulled him to sleep. Would we have that everywhere? NO. But he didn't take a nap anywhere else, usually. I think using tools to help them sleep is ok right now. It teaches them what healthy sleep feels like.

My son can fall asleep on his own easily, both for nap and at night. But he prefers for us to lie down with him and he goes to sleep much faster that way. To me it's an easy choice: my kids get their naps, and are content, and sleep well at night because of it, and all I have to do is lie down with them (or rock) for 10 minutes or less.

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H.S.

answers from Houston on

Maybe try putting her down for her nap a bit later? My daughter is 27 months and she started refusing to nap a few weeks ago. She seemed exhausted and would be cranky the rest of the day, but just wouldn't nap. We tried putting her down an hour later, and she's started napping again. Our guess was that she just wasn't ready for a nap that early! Try watching your daughter to see when she's truly ready for that nap and wait until that point to take her to her room.

Good luck!

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J.H.

answers from Houston on

You tok her out of her crib too soon. Put her back in it

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K.F.

answers from Houston on

Both of my kids did the same thing. My daughter absolutely refused to sleep in a toddler bed. I finally put her in a twin size bed and that ended the problem. My son began waking up during the night while he was still in his crib at about 15 months. I could rock him back to sleep and then as soon as I put him down he would wake up. If I put him in my bed, he would sleep soundly all night. Hence, I skipped the toddler bed and went straight to a twin bed and he has slept through the night ever since.

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L.B.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Have you tried some music either from a CD or tape or radio. This always made my kids sleepy. You might could even make a pallet up on the floor and see if that would work. Neither one will hurt and sleep is always nice. Good luck.

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M.F.

answers from Austin on

We put up a dog gate at my sons door. After 4 days he stayed in his bed and took a much needed nap. After 2 weeks we never needed the gate again.

Also, my son is 3... I just figured out that he sleeps longer when I put him down for a nap later... and it doesn't dissrupt bedtime. Lately I have been putting him down at 3 and he naps until 5:30... eureka!!!

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H.F.

answers from San Angelo on

All of my kids were done with naps as soon as they hit two. Drove me crazy! Speaking of driving, that is one way they still take naps...whenever I am driving around doing errands and need them to stay awake, they both conk out (ages almost 5, and 3 years). When she gets really fussy, just take her out for a drive. My kids would go out so hard, I could carry them in and they would stay awake, or I have even taken a book and parked somewhere...desperate times...desperate measures and all that. Oh, don't bother with the potty thing, let Taryn lead and you follow rather than the other way around. Give great praise and M&Ms for any successes but don't push, it will happen almost overnight when she is ready...that is the consensus on Mamasource. Good luck.

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N.M.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Try putting her to bed earlier. Sometimes the lack of a nap means she is over-tired. When that happens it is harder to get her to sleep. Put her to bed an hour or so earlier. Chances are she will not get up any earlier in the morning. After catching up on her sleep for a few days, she will probably start napping again. Then you can go back to the regular bedtime. As for getting out of bed...you may have to go through a few tough days to get back into the routine. Stay by her door and each time she gets up, go put her back in bed. When you do this do not say anything, not even "stay in bed". Just keep putting her back and eventually she will stay. It may take an hour or more, but each day will get better and the whole process shouldn't take longer than 3 or 4 days. In the grand scheme this isn't that long. It would be much more difficult on you to let her phase out of naps now. She should still be napping until she's almost 4. All of this info. is from a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It's a wonderful book. Several of my friends as well as myself have used this book. One friend had to go in to put her son back to bed 160 times one day. Yes, she kept count, and it was close to 30 to 40 seconds between each. The next day was a few less times and the third much less. By the fourth day he only got up a couple of times. From then on he napped well. Good luck.

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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

Try telling her that she doesn't have to sleep, but she has to rest her eyes (or pretend to be asleep). Set a timer and tell her if she rests her eyes (or pretends to be asleep) for this amount of time, then you will let her up. Check on her often, discipline her when she doesn't obey you, and remind her that you will start the timer over and she will stay longer everytime she is laying still. See if that works. It has helped me.

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

Sounds like a change with the new baby...

We've only got one, so I can't help you with that part but also had this problem for a while. We just don't fight with him about naptime or bedtime. We put him in his room and he is allowed to play quietly or sleep- his choice. He usually naps just fine. He knows he has to stay in his room during his quiet time (we don't even call it nap time), and at night he has to stay in his room at bedtime. He fell asleep on the floor a couple of times when we first started this process, but then he just started putting himself to bed.

Because he gets to make the choice, he feels more in control- it's his idea to sleep. No more power struggle. He gets his rest, even if it is just playing quietly & reading books and I get my break. Of course for us, I only have to worry about quiet time on the weekends. His day care has the same situation- sleep if you want or play quietly.

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E.M.

answers from San Antonio on

J., I am a mother of T. 6 and 3 yr olds. I will advice you to stop playing in bed just before her nap. If she likes her teddy bear with her for comfort is fine. Your little one is growing and you may be sending mixed signals to her by playing with her teddy bear. I would give her the teddy bear and tell her that they both need a nap. After you tell her that then simply walk away. She will probably cry at the beginning but just keep putting her back in her bed till she falls asleep. I'm thinking that it will not be easy for you but persitance will pay off at the end.

Good luck,
Elisa M

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