Help with Sleep Habits

I personally would let her sleep with me. What harm is it going to cause. You could get a good night rest and so can she. Her life sounds pretty traumatic. She will out grow this wanting to sleep with you, but why the concern her sleeping with you? She just needs her security.
My children slept with me most nights if they wanted to and did not hurt them. They grew up healthy and stable, and independant. Now having families of their own.

In the 60 and back families doubled up in rooms and beds and children slept with parents they did not have multi room homes. And they grew up healthy happy socially rounded. What is the issue.

Hi T.,
Lots and lots of luck on this issue. I haven't read any of the other responses yet, so I hope my answer is not redundant! I see that she has been in and out of the hospital for all of her life and that you are newly divorced.. if it were me.. I would just continue to sleep with her during this time. It is such a short short time in her life where she is going to need this type of security. I wouldn't add anymore undue trauma or stress to you or to her! Just let night time be sleep time!

A.- mom to Dominic (10) and Julian (8)

I'd imagine you won't agree with my advice, but that's okay. My opinion is that you should let her sleep with you. She needs to feel safe, and I think that's why she wants to be near you during the night. It won't last forever. Who's to say that she'll get what she needs emotionally so that she won't feel a need to sleep with you in a few months from now? Major health problems, her parents divorced...my heart goes out to your little girl and the fear or pain she's gone through for most of her short little life. I truly believe it's in her best interest for her to sleep next to her mom. And you should be able to sleep through the night more than now. I don't think it's spoiling her or making it harder for her later in life if she sleeps with you now for however long she needs to (and don't let other people tell you how long is too long--it's rare for a child to be in and out of the hospital for serious problems as much as she has, so don't put her on a time schedule geared to the average situation). Best wishes.

I agree w/ some of the PP that your little girl has gone through too much already being her age. Or any little kids age. Personally I would let her just sleeep with me when she was there until she is ready to sleep on her own or more secure. She's had too much trama and you throwing her off in her own room by herself is just making it worse, and her to wake up and you aren't there makes her more insecure. And about her being left at night in the hospital makes her more scared now. What harm is it doing her to sleep with you?

I will echo some of the other posters and say (1) consistency and (2) go slow. Between the hospital stays, illness, and divorce, she's had a lot of trauma, and kids will become very clingy with just one of those experiences! From what you've written it sounds like she just wants a lot of extra assurance from you, especially at night.

So my advice -- find a routine that works for you. Get her relaxed & sleepy (warm bath, pajamas, bedtime stories, whatever), and get her into her bed. Give her a "lovey" if she has one. If it helps initially, rub her back (always helped my kids!). Play some lullaby or classical music. Find your routine, in other words, and stick with it. If you want her to sleep in her bed, form the routine with her in her bed. Stay with her, though, and help her relax enough to go to sleep. Over time, and in your case I would say a lot of time, gradually move yourself out of the routine. I think another poster said to maybe sleep in her room (but not in her bed) and move yourself out of the room over several days. I have a cousin who did that with her daughter and it took a while, but it worked. You might also ask your pediatrician for some advice, also ... just another thought I had.

Hang in there! And good luck.

Hi, I don't have any really good advice except consistancy is always key. I also wanted to let you know I let my son sleep in the room with us for a few months at that same age in his own little toddler bed at the foot of our bed. He went to bed early and stayed asleep when we went to bed and it created no problems for us. A mattress on the floor may work too? And I still felt like I had some boundaries and personal space of my own (there is nothing wrong with wanting that). Maybe once she gets used to being in bed by herself it will be easier for her to get used to being in a different room. Hope that helps.

Poor baby. I can see where she wants to stay with you when she's home. Especially since a husband is no longer an issue, why don't you let her continue to stay in the same room with you, just in her own bed? Put her little bed next to yours, and reassure her that you're right there. You can eventually move it further away, then into an adjoining room.

Hi T.-

This is going to be contrary to everything you've probably ever read or been told but your situation seems rather unique to me so I'm not sure the usual approach is going to work with your daughter. Have you tried actually sleeping the entire night through in her room with her? I'm thinking that if you sleep on the floor, not in bed with her, she will still wake up and look for you but hopefully will go back to sleep on her own once she sees that you are there. Once she gains confidence that you have not left her she will wake less often until she is sleeping through the night. Then you can start to slowly get back to your bed. Leave once she's asleep and then start leaving before she even goes to sleep. This could take awhile, but I guess in the meantime sleeping on her floor is better than no sleep at all??

Good Luck,
K.