Help with Potty Training - Honolulu, HI

Hi,
Sounds exactly like my son - he is 3 1/2 and just got potty trained. I think you really just have to wait for them to be ready... the thing that ultimately worked for us was just to put him in underwear - if he was wearing a diaper, he would just go in his diaper, but if he had underwear on, he would go to the toilet! Every kid is different... be patient :)
Good luck!

Take her out panty shopping. Let her choose the ones she would like to buy. Then let her pick out the panties she would like to wear every day. I have found that they are more aware of not wanting to soil their favorite cartoon character of pattern.

Z.,
I had a son that did the same thing. My pediatrician told me to back off and in less than a month he did it on his own. As the pediatrician said, "He understands, he is smart enough, he just isn't ready to do it." That worked for me. It took the pressure off of him and me.

Relax, and enjoy your daughter. Thank God she is smart and together in every other way.

E.:)

Hi Z.

My advice to you (I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old daughter) is once you make the decision to potty train, you have ot stick to it. No more nappies (except during sleep time and night time). So if your daughter wants to use the potty, she'll have to make the effort or have an accident! It'll be hard work for you initially, but it will pay off for sure! Once the decision is made to potty train, if you back out and revert to nappies and then back to potty and thento nappies etc it becomes confusing for the child. The only reason to revert to nappies is if it really IS too early to start potty training, in which case you revert back to nappies for 3-4 weeks and try again (or whenever you think is right).

One other thing - it might depend on the actual potty you have?! Neither of my children would use the conventional potty AT ALL, and both potty trained GREAT with the potties that are like chairs, and of course using the toilet with a step up.

Good luck -
C. x

I am dealing with the exact same thing with my 2 and 1/2 year old son. His problem is that he is just "too busy" having fun to stop and use the potty. We tried potty training a few times before but now I realize it was just way to early. The cues for me this time was that he started playing the independence card big time. He kept telling me "no, mommy I do it" for EVERYTHING. In a matter of 5 days he learned to dress himself and put his own socks and shoes on, both things that I tried to "teach" him before and he he just got way to frustrated. Also, he began throwing a fit everytime I changed his diaper, and so I finally decided if I have to fight him to change him I may as well fight him to get him on the potty.

Everyone told me that we needed to go naked or straigt to underpants, no pullups. This didn't work for us AT ALL!! My son freaked out when he had accidents when he was naked, he wasn't even aware he was going to pee until it was too late and all over the floor. And when he was in underpants I would check his pants and he would be wet and it made NO difference to him what so ever. It was too much for both of us to deal with. So I bought 1 package of COOL SENSATION PULL UPS. The cool alert was what he needed to alert him he was going potty. He was so used to just peeing he never realized he had gone before when he was in underwear.

So the first day in Cool Sensation Pull Ups (CSPU) he had a full day of wettings. We went to the toilet every 2 hours but always missed the mark. By day 2 he was at the point he went to the potty a few times but still had accidents. Day three was less accidents and day 4 he wet himself all day. That's when we changed from 2 hours between potty times to an hour and a half. Day 5 he only had one accident and that was the last day of CSWP. I must say too that he got to the point that if he had accidents in his CSPU he would tell me and then I made him go the bathroom and change himself into a clean Pull Up and put his wet one in the trash. He soon changed himself all by himself when he had accidents.

So halfway through day 5 we switched to underpants with plastic pants over them and so far so good, we haven't had any accidents and he has even moved to telling me he has to potty and then going in to go.

It is definately a process so be patient and keep at it. It is a chore but so is changing the soiled diaper of a 3 year old!

Keep her in diapers only for sleeping (I've read it can take a full year before they can stay dry at night and you will know they are ready for night time underwear when they wake up dry repeatedly). You can use PULL UPS it may take a little longer but it's a whole lot cleaner! Also, try to stay home during training so that you don't have to worry about finding bathrooms for the first week or two. And get her a potty seat she is comfortable with. My son only used a potty chair at first and it took a while for him to get comfortable with a toilet seat insert.

SOME TIMES I STILL HAVE TO FIGHT HIM TO GO. When he is busy playing and the hour and a half time limit is up I take him fussing and screaming to the potty. After I get him to sit down with a book he goes. It's just challenging to get him on the toilet.

Sorry for the novel but HTH!!
M.

www.sittersnow.com

I agree with all of these suggestions. I too was a single mom and finally a month after my sons third birthday I said let get using the potty. We went shopping together for big boy pants, and even wore them on our heads. Then we talked about something he really wanted- He picked a buzz lightyear movie. So on December 1 we put on the big boy pants, and ste the goal- 1 sticker on the calender everytime you use the potty (this helped with seeing his potty pattern) 25 stickers= buzz lightyear movie. we were potty trained by christmas. Yes it was messy, and some days I wanted to give up, but it was worth it in the end. good luck!

I would ask the school if you can bring her by a few times before she starts. My daughter was the same way, but ever since we visited the school, she says, "I go poo poo on the potty every time now so that I can go to Sunflower!" It's worth a try at least. Good luck! :)

Hi Z.,

Some kids take a little longer but she'll be trained soon, I'm sure. Don't make a big issue out of it, just relax and enjoy life with her and don't focus on the training so much. Right now you've been giving her a lot of external motivation but it needs to come from within (i.e., she'll want to go to school) so give her a chance to choose. Ten years from now you'll look back and wonder why it was so important that she be trained by now.

V.

Its easier for her to have you change her diaper then for her to stop and go potty. Just take away the diapers. Sit her down and let her know that she can't have diapers anymore and make a thing of it take them to a friends house that has a younger child throw them in the trash etc. let her know there is no more. There might be a few accidents here or there, but soon she will get the message. I didn't do to much candy or treats or anything with my kids, just took the diapers away. I did make the mistake of offering candy a few times, and even now 1 year later my daughter says "I went potty can I have candy now?"
Good Luck!
Good Luck!

Keep a diaper on her until she's ready.

Hi Z.,
I had the same problem with my son. We just told him no more diapers. You're done. He had a couple of accidents at first but learned within a weekend to go on the potty. Later we had some issues where he was too busy to use the bathroom and he would wait too long and pee in his pants so we used a sticker chart to get him back on track. After 10 stickers he got a present. We did this for about a month and no more problems. I had him sleep in pull ups during this time until he was about 4.

Good luck! I hope this helps.

L.

Hi Z.,
I've been there done that! I'm a mother of four children and my oldest did the same thing (and she was smart too!) I learned that they need to be the ones to decide. Personally, I would drop the whole issue until your daughter talks about it again. It is not worth the frustration, messes or the money you save on diapers to push the issue. This is a bodily function that only she can control. You need to let her control it. She is smart, so she knows that this frustrates you and that you want her to train...she is controlling you about this issue. Let her control the situation and she will rise to the occasion of doing it on her own. I would drop the whole issue for a few weeks. Then mention it again, casually, like "so, what do you think about using the potty again?" Are you ready to go to preschool yet? Depending on how she responds, you can offer to help her. Tell her you would be happy to set a timer, to help her remember etc.

I bribed, encouraged, punished, rewarded with little candies, you name it, I tried it with my oldest and i swore I would never do it again and I havent done that with my other 3 kids. Hang in there because it takes a huge amount of patience...just know that SHE is the one who needs to decide. let her know that you are there to support her once she makes the decision. If you leave it to her, then you won't get in to power struggles with her about it. I can remember my oldest going to school and doing fine all day. I would pick her up and ask her to go. She would refuse and say she didnt need to go.. with in 5 minutes, I had wet clothes on my hands! ugh, I do feel your pain.

Good luck and be patient!
T.

We were in a similar situation with our son. 1) We took ALL of the toys out of his room and playroom and hid them--all he could do was color in coloring books and read books with me. That's it!! 2) I stayed home for like 1 week solid--as in no grocery store, nothing---I was lucky--my husband and I tag-teamed it when he got home--and that's how I got my break--not sure if you can do this and if you have a girlfriend to help out a bit....3) Even if you can only stay home for 2 days on the weekend---she goes naked or in underwear the whole time---and she HAS to use the potty. NO DIAPERS! And for me--this meant playing with him the entire 24/7 of those days---we were attached together those days so I could accurately predict bathroom cues. After like 2 days of this and pooping and peeing on the potty consistently--he was done---all done--no night time, no nothing.....good luck!

hi - sometimes books help : "No more Diapers for ducky" is a fun one. It cant hurt. I agree with a lot of others - put her in undies... summer is coming and you can play outside and that will help with the mess part. Put a potty out there. What really helped my son was seeing his peers but also seeing "the big boys" 8 or 9 year olds that he really loves who wear underwear and go on the toilet all the time. In the end, he had to decide and it was 2 months after he turned 3. I wish you luck... don't feel pressured by those around you. This is a you and daughter team effort and outside forces only stress you out! Help the calm between the two of you by making it a discussion about what you can do together.

My son was 3 1/2 and I had tried everything, nothing worked to get him consistent until my doctor recomended the method in a book. I used it and it worked wonderfully. This was 7 years ago so I do not remember the exact title but it's something like Potty Training in less than a day. It took us 3 full days, no matter what the tittle says. Since then we used cloth underwear everywhere with no accidents. It took two days with my younger daughter, but she was not resistent to begin with, she had ocassional accidents for the first couple months, she was 2 1/2 years old. Good luck. I know it is frustrating.

My # yo was the same way. She just didn't CARE to use the potty. What worked for us was we bought a bunch of little gifts and wrapped each one like a present. We put the bowl of presents in the bathroom and every time there was a successful action on the toilet, she opened a gift. Who doesn't like opening presents? Some were small(roll of lifesavers), some were bigger(coloring books). Nothing expensive just fun to open!

My nephew is refusing to train also and I read here on Mamasource about bare-bottom training. I have done it with him more than a few times and each time, he does very well. He doesn't want to make a mess on himself - it is just difficult because of course, you cannot go anywhere. It works though. My problem is that my sister (his mother) won't do it also. Good luck & God Bless!

Well I have an almost 3 yr old but my DH wouldn't stick with the potty training because he was to lazy. So she never stuck to it. Regularity and love is really what she needs. Yes she may not be ready, have you talked with her about it? Does she have interest in it? If not I would say wait then push once shes ready and shows interest. Also rewards bad idea, trust me! Skip the small pottys go for the potty insert and step stool trust me! And get panties at walmart $7.88 for a 10 pack and a 4 pack of camis for like $5.00 and get rid of the diapers when she says shes ready. I think you'll be ok, and start on the toilet and stay near the bathroom and put towels down where she is playing. OR a vinyl table cloth.

Also I would get a small potty for your other child and start her now too trust me you'll be a happier mommy no treats though unless its panties or more camis and maybe a trip to the store to get them once they have less accidents as a reward for less accidents and also a test drive for you & them in their new talent.

Hi My daughter just turned 3 last month and I'm in the same boat you are, we have good days, bad days and then really bad days. I've tried everything like you and what I'm now being told is that she'll eventually come around. As far as school I found that some school will help with potty training, it just cost more and w/ summer comming up is a good time. The school my daughter starts in June is ran by are church and they don't let any child out of the 2 yr old class till they are potty trained, so I'm hoping seeing others will help and she'll get a refresher course in school.
I hope things turn around for you and I feel your pain!!!

Hi Z.,
I found myself in the same situation with my daughter. I'm sure your daughter is very smart which tells me that she "gets it".. She knows what she's supposed to do..That's really all we can teach them anyway. So it could be one of two things - either she is engrossed in what she's doing and doesn't want to be bothered to take a break to go potty, or she simply doesn't want to be bothered to take a break to go potty :)
My only suggestion would be, and you're probably doing this already, to take her to the bathroom at regular intervals like every hour or two hours, have her sit on the potty to see if she'll go. Most likely she will, but even if she doesn't, you're still reenforcing the habit.
I went back and forth with my daughter for 6 or 8 months with varying degress of success. Then, one day, she just started going on her own all the time. Good luck~!

Hi Z.! Have you tried the big T-shirt method? No diaper. No pullups or panties. Just a big T-shirt (or dress). It makes them more conscious of not having a 'net to fall on' so to speak.

I remember my daughter running down the hall towards me in her big T-shirt saying, "Mommy! Mommy! I have to go potty. Put a diaper on me quick!" And when I told her to use the potty chair instead, she got this look of dawning realization on her face. Right then and there she made the conscious connection. And that was it.

HE was the really difficult one. And the trick with him was getting just the right potty chair. He was NOT interested in any of the regular looking ones that sit inside the toilet or on the floor next to it. But when I got him the purple spotted dinasaur potty chair with the loooong neck - I couldn't get him OFF the thing! LOL!

But even though other kids your daughter's age may already be potty trained. Lots of kids her age are still in the process. Both my kids were 3+ when they finally completely trained. My son was almost four.

Good luck to you!
J. J

I have two toddlers I've been training and they are left with few accidents now. The only suggestion that I really have is consistantcy. It's a lot of work, but put her on the potty every hour or two hours....or if you know her patterns for when she needs to go. Have her drink a lot of fluids. Don't let her wear diapers or pull ups, get the training panties their thicker down the middle, maybe it would help if she doesn't like to be wet. My kids liked having a sticker book and they get to make it...just take some regular paper or construction paper and fold into fourths, a few pages and cut the edges, staple and have her decorate the front and back cover. When she fills up the sticker book she gets to go to the toy store and pick out a toy. You could even have her pick out the stickers for the book. My kids loved carring it around and showing people their potty book. Consitancy is key, don't break from it or you'll have to start over again. Soon you'll see the light at the end of the tunnell and before you know it she'll be good to go. I'd say 1 to 2 straight months of consistancy and if she is cared for by others, make sure they help try everything you can not to interupt the program. You can buy the Potty on the Go at Babies R Us, very convient fold up little potty with liners so you can keep it in your car or extra purse.
Best of luck!