Potty Training Help!!!

I didn't read the responses, but when I answer this question I usually notice a couple other moms who also suggest the book Toilet Training in a Day. My daughter is much better trained than my son who was trained before her, it has great teaching methods to help with accidents... it's a lot of work the first few days, but then almost no accidents after that... hardly even a drop of pee in her panties. I swear by it, my neighbors swear by it. Good luck!

Hi A.,
I wouldn't quit now, especially if she is interested in it. You just need to be consistent with the every 30 minute thing. That is what most of the books will tell you anyway. She will eventually get it, sometimes it takes a few months and then a lot longer than that before they stop having accidents. From my personal experience, I would never use pull-ups. They just delay things. Either it is a diaper or underwear. That seemed to work a lot better for my kids and neices and nephews. Pull-ups are too fancy and comfortable and you can still toilet in them!!! What more could a kid want. There is little motivation there to learn to use the toilet.
Good Luck,
B.

Google Potty Whisperer Today Show and listen to exactly what this woman says. My son was 3.5 and seemed hopeless. We even had to give up a coveted spot on a daycare waitlist because it was a requirement. This was on June 1. Then, I watched the whisperer.

Basically, she says to pass the power to the child - all of it. Don't keep sitting them on the potty. Don't keep asking if they have to go. HERE'S what made us turn the corner...

IF they make a mess, you must make them clean it up. This allows them to become aware of what you're going through in changing diapers, cleaning poo etc. Friends have told me I'm crazy to have done this but it WORKED so I don't care what they think. Each time my son pooped his pants or peed where he wasn't supposed to, I made him clean himself. He was wearing spiderman underpants and pooped so I stuck him in the tub with wipes and let him have at it. Surprisingly, he was very careful, made very little mess and I promise I'm not lying - he has not had more than one little accident during teh night since. GOOD LUCK!!

Hi A.-

Ok, I have a just turned four year old daughter and we just went through this last fall. At first she seemed interested when she was 2 1/2. Then when I got onboard with it, she totally ran in the opposite direction. Then when she turned three, I decided it was time! So, I made a big deal out of us going shopping together and let her pick out her favorite panties- Dora, of course! Then I put them on her- and of course, you have to be willing to deal with the mess(es) at first- when I tried training her in her diapers/pull-ups, it didn't bother her when she had an accident, but when she made a puddle on the floor and had to change everything- her pants, socks, shoes, and throw the Dora panties in the washer, it made an impact on her. Then if she told me she had to go and went in the potty instead of her panties, then she got a reward- tokens, stickers, candy, etc. Then when she got so many (5 or 10- not too many- it has to be a reward that is achievable and within sight for a 3 year old) then she got to choose what the reward was- going to the pool, zoo, spending time with daddy, painting, playdoh, etc. The other thing that really sealed the deal- her cousin (older that Abby really likes to play with) made a big deal out of how cute the panties were and Abby can you try them on for me so I can see? And Abby, you're going to be a big girl just like me!, etc, etc. If she had accidents and seemed like she didn't care or wasn't trying, then I put her pull-ups back on for a day, and told her that little girls wear pull-ups and that big girls wear panties. Usually the next morning, she would be begging for her 'big-girl' panties again!

Hope this helps!

Hi A. -
My best advice is let her do it on her own time schedule. We have a 3-1/2 yr old girl, who has been in pull ups for over a year, tried the potty chair, tried the treat/rewards, tried everything. She was even having dry pull ups in the morning several times a week, would occasionally make it to the potty - pooped three times total in the toilet in the last year.
Last weekend we went to a condo in the mountains for 3 days - she decided on saturday she was done with pull ups - wanted her big girl underwear (thank God I packed some) and she was accident free the entire trip. That included the car ride (2 hours) home and the excursions on the trip. That also included 4 poops away from home - no problem. The only thing she didn't want to use was the port-o-potty at the rest stop in Rocky Mountain Park instead opting for the side of the road squat (which she did without pee'ing on herself or me who was holding her up!). It is wednesday - she has been to school one day - dry pants all day - poop and pee in the potty and absolutely PROUD of herself and HAPPY. She did it though - when SHE was ready. While I wish it had been a year ago - it was her time to decide and she is so happy - absolutely overnight change in her attitude.
ONE KEY is that I told her that "when you have the opportunity you should try" - like if we were leaving the condo for something or just getting back - I would teach by example by also using the bathroom just so she knew I was also "using the opportunity." seemed to click. :)
Good luck! :)

Let me just say as a home daycare provider -- nothing makes me more angry when parents expect me to help in that area and then they are not consistant about it themselves. And as you know there is nothing pleasant about changing a 3 year olds pull up.
Here is my suggestion. The stronger you are now it will pay off later!! Stop with the pull ups. And stay strickly with underwear. Explaine to her that this the time for her to be a big girl and let her know right away if there will be a reward and what the consequence will be!! As for the consequence i use time out and leaving them in their wet or dirty clothes all day. And for every request they have you will have the request to go potty first. And of course they have to tell their dad. We want this to be easy and unfourtunatly it is not and neither is life for that matter. But remember who is the parent?? Stay strong and good luck

Don't quit, some kids take longer then others. What worked wonders for my daughter was Santa calling (a local rec center did this yearly if you filled out a form at Christmas time) but have her favorite character call her (a friend or family member) and tell her how proud they would be for having her be a big girl and go on the potty with NO accidents.
Reward charts worked for my son, giving him a sticker and so forth when he went, three stickers for every poop.
Some kids get way too busy to bother with peeing, but don't give up. If you ask a child if they have to go when first training 90% of the time it is going to be "NO" for an answer. Have you picked out cool underwear for her, made her clean up her own mess? Those tricks work with some kids.
If she isn't ready she isn't ready, however tell her she cannot have big girl priveledges unless she is a big girl and big girls go on the potty. It may be a tough transition for her too and cause regression if you push hard then go back to work if she is used to you being around, so be prepared for that.
Hang in there!!!! Patience does pay off on Potty training, just keep being consistent and working with her.

Your DD may not be ready to be fully potty trained. Its takes a lot of emotional & physical maturity to be able to go to the toilet on your own. When kids are left to their own devices they will potty train almost overnight, they know exactly what is expected of them and want nothing more than to please you and do well.

My advice is to put her back in diapers, drop the subject altogether and let her decide when she is ready to be a big girl. Say nothing, do nothing. She gets it, you know she does, so let her demonstrate it when she is ready to.

If you start going down the path of putting her on the toilet ever few minutes its *you* that is trained, and not her.

Good Luck. Hopefully you have a gentle, loving childcare provider who understands that kids mature at different rates and that teaching them to control their own bodies takes love, kindness and patience. If kids can't trust that they are the ones in control of their own bodies, they've already lost the battle.

My 3yr old was the same way. I tried taking her every 20-30 minutes and it would get so hard for me and her. Finally I had enough and then my mom took her for literally 2 hours, put her in underwear and said no more diapers. My poor dd actually got a stomach virus the same week and probably pooped 30 times in that week, all on the toilet! Although I was tempted, I NEVER put her back in a diaper, get them out of the house completely. She is old enough to understand, no more diapers only underwear now. As soon as we told her she was a potty trained girl and could only wear underwear, she began going on her own. She has not had any accidents (except the kind where her pants are not down enough when she is on the toilet). You have to be the strong one and get rid of diapers AND pull ups. Buy lots of underwear and if she has a poopy accident just throw those away. We made a sticker chart and each time she went on the potty she could place a sticker on her chart. Then we really played up the chart when people came over. Good luck, it seems when it is done, its not as hard as we make it out to be. Just do it!! : )

Sounds like my situation too. We had DS (he'll be 3 in Sept) in underwear full time for more than 2 months(except at bedtime), but his chronic poo accidents started to lead into chronic pee accidents (at first he would pee 95% in the toilet), and I didn't feel like it was fair for his daycare provider to deal with that, so back into pull ups he went. DS is very smart (like 'gifted' smart), so I continue to be amazed that he is potty training later than his 'not particularly intellectual' older brother (who's now 6). He completely seems to understand what he is doing, is fully capable of going in the toilet (standing, sitting, big potty, little potty - you name it, he knows how to do it), but has chosen not to do it 'correctly'. We even have gentle conversations about it - one where he even said 'yes, he likes to make mommy mad/sad'. :( He will poo/pee almost exclusively in the toilet for our former nanny, so I'm actually hiring her back full time this Sept. (obviously, not something everyone can afford).

At any rate, I have also tried everything that everyone has mentioned in their posts (toys, candy, cheering, yelling - mostly DH, even a spanking or two, letting him sit in wet/poopy diapers), with the exception of the Baby Whisperer, and the 'making them clean up their own mess'. He woke up just now, and I made him remove his pee filled pull up, and handed him some wipes to 'clean up'.

I guess I'm not really offering up much advice, except I feel your pain. I'm going to give the BW suggestion a try, since I think DS might be a good candidate. Good luck.

Pooping was the hardest for my little girl when we were potty training. What worked for us was that I offered her M&Ms whenever she pooped in the potty. Does your daughter have a favorite something (candy, toy) that wouldn't cost too much that you could use as a "bribe?" I think potty training is one of those instances where it is perfectly ok to use offer bribes. Good luck!

A.-
I have heard that if you give your child potatoe chips and juice and then wait 15 mins. then take her to the bathroom, she will start to realize what it fills like to go to the bathroom. I heard it from my moms next door neighbor. She also said that her children were potty trained in 48 hours. I hope it will work for you.

Don't quit! Stick with it. One day she'll just start telling you. And sometimes going to daycare of in-home care helps and reinforces it. She'll be fine. Don't give up. If you give up, she'll really be confused. It'll all change one day. Good luck.

I am not a fan of punishment when potty training - my opinion is it will have them equate negativity with the process and make it harder. I used a candy reward (one m&M or something like that) every time she tried and 2 if she actually landed something - - it worked really well with my daughter. I will say that for about 3 months I was worried that every time she went potty she'd need food - but that passed!
I waited til she was 3 years old - b/c I tried before that (I was pregnant and due just before she turned 3 so I thought it'd be great to have her trained when the new baby came), but she just wasn't getting it - so I gave up til just after her b-day and it happened really fast. I really think it is something that you can make a struggle, or you can accept the child's timetable and go with that to make it easier on everyone. I'm in the process of training my 2 and 1/2 year old son, but he's not a big fan, so we might put it on hold for now...

reward her when she goes to the potty

Your post could have been and was me several months ago with my now 3 1/2 yr old (she is 2 months from her 4th birthday). There were two things that worked for us and they seemed to happen almost at the same time. The first was getting my DD registered for preschool. She was really excited to go and knew that if she didn't go potty that she wouldn't be able to go. The second was that I got really tired of changing her poopy underwear. So the next time that she pooped, because it was actually the second time that day and I was angry, I put her into the shower. She doesn't like showers for one and the second kicker was that I just turned it COLD. Then I made her stand there in the shower and clean herself up. By the time she was done she was shivering from the cold and sobbing because she wasn't comfortable. Since the shower she hasn't had many accidents and now I am not having to ask or remind her much anymore. There are a few times were I will make her go try just because like before nap time, bed time and before we go for a ride in the car. I would recommend to just keep after her, get rid of the pull-ups during the day and maybe even go on an outing without an extra set of clothes and when she has an accident make her wear the soiled clothes for a while before you help her change. She will get it eventually be consistant and give her a little time she will come around. Good luck
J.--SAHM of 6

easypottytraining.com IT's the only way to go.

I have been trying Elimination Communication w/ my 6 month baby. Some ideas from that could help. I have her in a prefold cloth diaper (with no cover). When I started, I would changer her as soon as she went and kept a log of how often - by time and by relation to sleeping/eating. Then you will know more of her patterns. I think they change with age. At least for my baby, she does not go while she's asleep but needs to go right away after waking up.

A.: You are doing this right. Don't wait for your daughter to tell you she needs to go. I hate to sound like this but the application is applied to your pet dog. After they eat or drink anything, wait a few minutes then take them to the restroom and let them sit on the potty for a few minutes. Then, as I did with my kids...every ten minuets sit them on the potty. When they poop you can kinda tell. They know it is wrong, so they will hide. If you don't know where your daughter is in the house and she is awfully quiet, she is probably going poop. However, when she does go in the potty, praise her and give her a small reward. I suggest something like a ribbon that says something like "Hurray! I'm a big girl...I used the potty!" DO NOT under any circumstances purchase Pull-ups. They defeat the purpose. Get you a dozen cloth diapers and rubber pants and let them sleep in them. Pretty soon they will hate the feel of wet nappies and stinky, lumpy nappies. In time she will know the difference.
Good Luck! R.

We have been going through the same thing.
Idea!!!!:

Buy some of those crafting pom pom balls( a variety of colors)
Get a cup or jar, or an empty can and have your daughter decorate it...
Go to the dollar store and pick out 10-15 prizes ( some good ones to get are party prizes, since 4 or more come in a pack) Get some dolls, dress up clothes and makeup, some jewelry etc.

Now tell her that 5 balls equals 1 prize...
She has to go potty in the potty though to get the balls. Also, you CAN take away balls for bad beahvior etc.
Then after about a week, 10 balls equals a prize, then 15, etc.
We are on 15 balls right now, and let me tell you, we have had no daytime accidents, we are still in pull ups at night, and now we tell our son if he is being naughty that he will lose a ball. We also now reward him for good behavior, cleaning up, helping with baby, being good at store, etc.
Good luck, I do know how frustrating this time is!

Hi A.,

I was in your exact situation last summer. I too am a teacher and really wanted my little one potty trained before I returned to school. The whole training thing became extremely frustrating for us both. She just wasn't interested and I was putting forth so much effort each day, it was tiring.
I finally told her to tell me when she was ready. I would still give her gentle reminders and obviously reward every effort but I finally decided she would do it when she was ready. It took her seeing her friends do it for her to really become interested. Three was the magic number! I really talked up her third birthday...we talked a lot about all of the things that big girls do, including wearing panties. Right when she turned three, she was done with pull-ups and going in her pants. She literally was completely potty trained over night. She was even ready to wear panties at night. It has now been over 6 mos. and I think we have had maybe 3 or 4 accidents.
Hang in there and good luck! I think it might just be one of those things that you can't force, they just do it when they are ready.