Help with One Year Old Behavior!

C.,

I have no real advice. However, I am experiencing the same behavior with my son and I do not know what to do myself. I grab his hand and I also tell him no but that does not stop him. The good part is he does not hit anyone but me!!!

As the mother of 4 boys, I can honestly say this appears to be a very normal stage. From my experience, this usually comes from a couple different things - one is frustration (when the hitting seems angry instead of playful). Any chance you've taught your son sign language so he can better communicate his needs? If not, it's not too late - I'd do that ASAP. Hitting at this age also seems to be a curiosity item - kind of like when he was swatting at toys hanging over his head around 4-6 months, now he's experimenting with what happens in his environment when he hits another person. Trust me, if it's encouraged by anyone (my ex used to laugh when our son would hit him and that made it a VERY difficult habit to break!), it will make it worse (and confusing to your little guy). Also giving a STRONG reaction to being hit will encourage it, so remain calm and remember that showing no reaction to it is going to go much further toward stopping it rather than "NO'ing" him to death.

I couldn't disagree more with walking away from him or even time outs!! He is a baby, he needs your help, love and understanding, not your shunning or disapproval over something totally normal. Help him identify what he's doing ("Johnny, you look very angry" and make an angry face while signing 'mad' or 'angry' for him) and approach him with empathy and a willingness to hug him, snuggle him, meet his needs. If he's hitting just to see what will happen, redirect it to a toy with good cause & effect (my son has a hammering tool bench from Fisher Price that lights up & plays music when he hits it). Remember, focus on what you DO want, not what you're trying to avoid - what you put your attention toward is what you will get more of. Tell him what TO do (touch gently) instead of what not to do (no hitting!) and help guide his hands to show him what a gentle touch is vs. a hurting touch. Be consistent with this, help meet his needs and you'll nip the habit before it becomes raging terrible 2s.

One book you may find very helpful is "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline".

Hi C.,

This is a pretty typical behavior that toddlers go through. You son is still pretty young, so it may seem like a game to him. The best thing to do is to ignore the behavior. He is getting something out of it that he likes, that is why he continues to do it. When he gets older you can explain "that hurt mommy" or "that's not nice" but he is really too young to understand that at 1.

Just remember "This too shall pass" - a must remember for all toddler behaviors.

J.

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Hi C.,

I'm not an expert, my girl is only 4 months, but my sister's youngest son was very violent. My sister figured out he has significant allergies to dairy, wheat, eggs, and gluten. Changing his (and hers for nursing) diet had tremendous effect. Since he is no longer uncomfortable from his diet he no longer acts out uncontrollably, and as my mom says is a different kid!
Good Luck - H.

Do you have the book "Hands Are Not For Hitting"? Seemed to reinforce our "no" when my son went through that stage.

That young it really is difficult to figure a way to effectively discipline, isn't it? It can be done gently. I agree with Tereasa to the extent that those methods are effective when done your son isn't specifically seeking attention from you. Find out when this happens..is it from frustration? Or is it when he wants attention from you? Babies are smart...they will figure out a cause and effect way to hold our attention (please don't think I am saying that you don't spend enough time with him...not at all! They will just find a way to "beckon" Mommy with certain behaviors, desirable or undesirable...)
When my son was 14 months he would climb up on the coffee table (which was dangerous)...I did what is called the "hug and hold" method. I would gently take him down and hold him in my lap and explain in a calm voice why I didn't want him to do that. I would sit with him for about a minute and then let him go. He went right back up and gave me a smile ("I'm testing this, Mommy"), and I did the same thing. Yes, it took 5 times repeateing this, but eventually he caught on that when he did this behavior, he would be put on Mommy's lap and wouldn't be able to do what he wanted for a time. This is a sort of "loving" version of the time out (not that time-outs aren't done with love...you know what I mean). I'd do this and let him know that hands are to be "gentle" and arms are for "hugging" and "so and so doesn't like being hit...that hurts" while holding his arms at his side on my lap.Is this restraint? Yes, but done gently and a hell of a lot better than smacking a hand or swatting a bottom...when people do this I exclaim, "So, you are teaching NOT to hit by HITTING"? This method may take more time, but it is worth it. Babies this age experiment with cause and effect. This will drive home that this is a behavior with an undesirable result. :)

C.,
My son who is now 4 was a vicious hitter at that age. A friend of mine told me to use "nice touch" with him. The way it works is that each time he hits, you take his hand, place it on your arm, gently rub a couple of times, while saying to him "nice touch". This teaches him the proper way to touch you and others. It takes a few weeks, but he'll get the message.

I don't have any suggestions, only sympathy. My 2 1/2 yr old started with the hitting and the hair pulling about a year ago. Church is the worst, he plays with my hair, yanks it around and then eats it. Everyone around me gets quite a show. Good luck, and I hope it passes soon.

At this age repetition will eventually win out. These children have to be consistently reminded that you wont let them hit you. Be patient with him. Hes testing out cause and effect.
Look for any triggers that may be involved too. Does he do this more when he starting to get tired? If so does he need to go down for a nap a little earlier becuase its a sign hes overtired when he does this? Ask your self all these questions and be observant to check theres nothing else behind it.
Gently say no, and immediately get his hands to do something nice and praise him. If your getting upset or he keeps doing it just say no that hurts and leave the room. If he cries for you ask him to use nice hands and show him what those are - maybe by stroking his face or something.
Kids this age also can be distracted from their behaviour by redirecting their activities with another activites and that helps too.
Good luck

Hi C.,
As I remember (my son is now 5), that is a tough age for making a point. I think you might try walking away from him (if possible--like of you're at home) and say "I'm not going to play with you if you behave like that" That seemed to get my son's attention. Probably at O., a time out may not be effective. But you could try it, I guess. Sit him on a step or rug and say "You have to stay here for a minute because you hit." Or you could take a toy away for a set amount of time every time he hits. I'd definitely do a firm "NO!" every time he does it. Sorry not to have any more original ideas for you. Good luck!

Part of his behavior is his age. Part is to see what he can get away with. don't worry he will keep pusing and harder still to see exactly what all he can control. in the stores, so he can have candy or food. at the mall for toys. You need to stop it now while he is young and get him to know that you are the parent. There is a wonderful book/video called 1-2-3 Magic. I suggest you go to the local library and check it out. It never hurts....!He is also old enough for time out. He is 1 so for each time out he sits for a minute. if he gets off sit him back on. Make sure you sit hiim away from fun things, like the tv or toys . Set a timer that he can see and hear when it goes off and tell him that he may get up when it goes off. To introduce it let him play with the timer and show him where he will be sitting. Explain that this is going to happen when you hit, kick, throws toys, or tells you no or disrespects you. It will all work out as long as you get it under control while he is young. Or you will have a 12 year old trying to hit you and telling you how to run the house.

i definatly think you need to do something now. i am raising my granddaughter who is now 5 and i wish i would have done something early went she started being violent with hitting, biting and scratching and kicking.i actually wound up in conceling to deal with her behavior.i found effective by taking your son holding by the shoulders with his arms at his sides and say right into his face so you know he heard you "mommy is not going to put up with this behavior" or something age appropriet. maybe something like "we dont hit in this house". just be patient and try not to loose your temper it can be very frustrating. if you loose your temper they win lol. feel free to ask me any thing else like i said i had profession advice on this matter. good luck

Hi C.. My son is the same way. He's three now and he's gotten a lot better because he understands when we tell him to use gentle hands. It takes time for them to pick it up, but I'm sure your son will catch on. Have you showed him how to use gentle hands and then praised him for being gentle? Walking away is a good idea, too. Another thing you can say is, "Don't hit. Hitting hurts."