Help with New Assertive/aggressive Behavior in Once Sweet as Pie Daughter :-)

I think this is normal - as in lots of kids do this. That doesn't mean that all kids do it or that it's acceptable. My daughter is just naturally a good sharer and pretty much skipped this stage (and I of course patted myself on the back) but my son (who's now a little over two) is just a much more aggressive kid and, even though he's the younger one, has a much harder time sharing. Even though it's going to feel like you're not getting through, don't ever let her "get away" with this behavior. Time ours are good, so is taking the stolen toy out of her hands and returning it to the original owner. I agree with the previous poster that it's pretty irritating as a parent to let another kid walk all over yours, so even if it doesn't immediately address your daughter's behavior, at least it will be letting the other parent know that you're trying. And you might have a year (or more) of this behavior - she's not going to get that other people have feelings for a couple more years yet. But it won't be forever. Good luck.

I wouldn't say that this is typical of all kids and be aware that other moms won't think so too when their child is the one getting pulled on and toys taken away. My kids never, ever acted aggressively or took toys from other children, but they were always the ones who had things taken from them and pulled and pushed ane I always heard the other moms say with a smile, "Oh, she's just being two!" Then the same child grows up and thinks it's ok to treat people that way. I would say just consistent reminders at the exact moment it happens will help and to have her give the toy back with a "sorry." But please for the sake of the other kids, don't just shrug it off, that was so maddening to me.

The good news is, this is normal. The bad news is, this is normal and must be stopped. She is too young to have feelings of empathy for others, so until she reaches this developmental stage (maybe around kindergarten), any comments about it not being nice or the other child not liking it or feeling hurt are simply lost on her. It doesn't mean you shouldn't say them, but it means you shouldn't count on it registering. Same thing with making kids tell others they are sorry - it's an okay habit, but it doesn't mean you can continue the behavior, and besides, they aren't really sorry at this age! That doesn't mean they will grow up to be sociopaths - it just means they aren't developmentally ready to appreciate what sorry means.

You have to stop the behavior immediately and every time by removing the toy from her hands and removing her from the situation. Time outs are effective - even if the child doesn't understand the reasoning, she will understand that "taking toy = no fun" - many people use the "one minute per year" guideline - a 2 year old gets a 2 minute time out, 3 year old gets 3 minutes. Continued episodes mean that we go home. Do not distract her with another toy at this age - take her out of the fun zone. She'll figure it out. Try to remember that it doesn't really matter if she understands the reasoning - the point is to guide her into the right behavior. Later on she will internalize it and it will be more of a habit. But there is a limit to how much talking you can do at this age - just use the same phrase like "We don't grab" or whatever you choose. The repetition is more important than trying to instill feelings in one so young - what you WILL instill is consistent values, and THAT she will understand!

Hi K.
This is a sensitive one!Some Moms take this as an attack on their child and take it very personaly as if you were the one hitting their child. At this age some children communicate verbaly whille some are more phyisical. Hitting another child or taking their toys should never go uncorrected, but I dont think it as sinister as some Moms take it.
My children were very phyisical communicators and they were not going to sit and wait untill another child is done with a toy that they wanted. I ALWAYS corrected them by making them give back the toy, If my children hit another child they were given a time out then had to say sorry to the other child.I had to deal with alot of critisism from other Moms or looks but I just kept it up and eventually they go it.

i think it sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be doing. we don't come into this world with all the social graces, and understanding of how this all works. we figure it out, and if we are lucky we have parents who are patient and devoted to help us through the process.

people are mostly mortified with bad behavior. but children have zero references to draw from, and it's not thier fault. two is the natural age where they begin testing things for themselves. appropriate corrections are vital at these times. without the right corrections kids can get out of hand and are slower to adjust socially.

be consistant, and don't loose heart. i think time-out is a great tool if you are sure your child understands what he/she has done wrong. some two year olds haven't quite figured out right and wrong, so your attempts may be futile. once you are sure they know what they're doing is wrong...then time out maybe helpful. example- if your 2 year old pulls hair, slaps, or yanks right in front of you, then looks shocked when you step in....they are not ready. if they run away, hide, or bow their heads shamefully, chances are they know they did something wrong, and time out could be helpful.

this is how i use time out: first, i use the childs age to determine how long they should sit. (2 years- 2 min- 4 yrs-4 min etc.) kids attention spans are short. too much time could allow your the point to be lost. Second, i only use time out when i am certain the child knows he did something he shouldn't. third, i use time out sparingly, and for the more serious problems. like getting physical with other children. i don't really think it's neccessary for verbal problems like saying bad words. but i also haven't had a real problem with that soooooo....

everything with a grain of salt. cater your disipline to your child. every child is different, learns differently and should be treated that way....in my opinion.

good luck!

She is at the AGE! Time outs work great and might as well start them. You will use them for years to come. She is not used to sharing because she is an only child. Just keep on it and she will learn. Pe patient it may take time!

M. - SAHM and WAHM and loving it!

http://www.WorkingGreenMoms.com

Hello K.!

The motto I try to live by as a mom is "THIS TOO SHALL PASS". Yes, definitely keep on making it clear to your daughter what kind of behavior is acceptable and what kind of behavior is not acceptable. She will definitely "get it" if you keep reinforcing it! Also, talk to her about it when the behavior is not happening, like, perhaps when you tuck her in at night. Gently remind her that aggressive behavior is not acceptable. Kids need to know that there is a line that cannot be crossed. But they need to hear it with love and kindness. I think it is natural for them to try to see how much they can get away with!

Don't worry about her future behavior......I've done that many times and it gets me nowhere. Try to live and enjoy the present as much as you can! And yes, I believe it is a normal growing and learning process.......a process that will pass in time. Good luck!