Help with My Seemingly Depressed 4 Year Old Daughter

Yesterday, I read an article about middle children and how they get lost in the shuffle. The article gave lots of good info about middle kids:
1. They feel less favored.
2. They're overlooked and get less attention.
3. They hate to be compared.
4. They hide their feelings.
5. They get tired of playing referee.
6. They always get hand-me-downs.
7. They follow in their siblings footsteps.

The article explains all these points and discusses how to deal with them. Read the whole article at
http://micheleborba.ivillage.com/parenting/2007/08/sandwi...

Hi M.,
My son is 4 1/2 and we seem to have the same problems with him. I'm not sure if the age or not, but he changes on a dime and becomes so needy and ugly to us...he has a 6 month old sister and in these moments he treats her terrible too. We actually have him scheduled to go to counciling starting the middle of septemeber. It can be soo frustrating to deal with, I totally know where you are coming from.

E.

Maybe she is just feeling the pinch of being the middle child? Do you do things with her and the other children independent of one another as well as with all three together? Maybe a little one-on-one and a special outing that just the two of you do together from time to time might help her to feel better?

Good luck to you!
T.

Hi, M. -

At 4 it might be hard for her to understand/express what she's feeling and why. Here are a few suggestions:

*Is she getting enough sleep? Maybe she needs to nap. ParentCenter.com offers guidelines on how much sleep a child should get. My 7 year old still needs almost 12 hours of sleep to "function" properly. If she doesn't for one night, it's not a huge deal all the time, but if it adds up, she's a mess.

*Does she like to color? Maybe have her draw you a picture or color you a picture of something that she loves, or a time when she's happy, then have her draw a picture of a time when she's sad, and see if she can explain to you what's going on. That way you get to see what's going on w/o it seeming like you're forcing her to come up with something - it's a lot less confrontational.

*Does she like for you to read stories to her? There's a book called "Alexander and the No Good, Very Bad Day". I'm reserving it for my daughter at the library. You can read the book to her and ask her what she thinks about what's going on in the story, or if she's ever felt the way Alexander feels. I understand she's 4, so her answers aren't going to be eloquent psychological descriptions of her emotions, but maybe it will help give her a springboard to finding the words to explain how she feels. At the very least it might help you get some insight.

*Have you talked to your pediatrician? Maybe they can give some insight.

Maybe what I'm saying is a little over the top for her, but I think the most important thing she needs to know is that it's okay to feel whatever way she feels. Give her lots of hugs, tell her you love her, tell her positive things about herself or give her lots of praise for things she does.

Hope this helps...

R. :)

my middle son (4 and a half) does the same thing. He is more behind in his vocab and some behaviors. I was told because his older brother did everything for him even spoke for him, he now gets frusterated because he has to do it for him self.

Good luck, keep smiling and when you think you can not stand it any more. watch her while she sleeps. Always helps me on my bad days!

Just a thought.... I don't know if her symptoms are exactly the same but I have a friend that has a daughter and when she has anything with red #40 in it she can be an emotional wreck, one minute she is fine and the next a sobbing out of control disaster.