Help with My 6 Year Old Sons Behavior

Beyond Time Out :From Chaos to Calm

By Beth Gosshans.

An incredible book that WILL really help you.

Good Luck!

Some kids do not respond to no, but will respond to distraction or options.. Especially young boys.. They are not always mature enough to know their options so you need to teach them the skill.

The first thing to remember is to ignore the fit. Tell him, you "cannot understand whining, yelling, screaming." Tell him to "go to his room and find his regular voice".
step over him and just leave him with his fit. If you are in public, pick him up and leave. EVERY time.. He has learned he can hold you hostage. If you leave he will learn the fit does not have and affect on you.
Also during a time when you all are just sitting together for a quiet time, mention to him, that when you tell him no it is not because you are angry, upset or always trying to punish him, but that we cannot always do what we want when we want. He may think the word "No" represents a negative feeling from you.

Lets say he wants to go play outside, but it is bath time... tell him, no, but then say something like, "it is really bath time, lets have a race to see how fast you can take a bath".. Then make it a game, where you time it.. write down the time and then tell him you all will try to make the bath even faster the next night..

Maybe he wants dessert, but he did not eat any dinner. Tell him no dessert tonight since you did not eat what I cooked, but you can have a bowl of (insert non sugar cereal ) instead. Maybe tomorrow if you eat what I cook, you can have dessert.

Wants to wear cowboy boots to school, but he is not allowed.. Say something like, you can put them in the car and this afternoon when I pick you up from school, you can put them on right way...
Hang in there mom.. You can do this and he needs to learn this..

Sounds like you are on the right track w/the consequences. Talk to him when he isn't throwing a fit. Explain to him during a time when he is calm and not even thinking about getting upset - if you do or say something he doesn't like and he throws a fit, explain to him what's going to happen. And then when it happens next, follow through and DO NOT BUDGE.

You may be late for something, may have to leave a place early, may not get dinner on time, etc., while you are establishing this, but when he learns your word is iron, he'll start realizing you aren't lying. Let him know he's the one and only one responsible for his actions - he's old enough to understand that his toy is being taken away b/c HE is the one who threw a fit.

Good luck!

We are not six yet, but we went through a period of lots of fits with my now four year old. I established a "no-fit zone." When he would start, I would tell him, "This is a no-fit zone. If you want to have a fit, go to your room." He'd march off to his room and start playing and forget all about the fit.

Following through is great advice, and is necessary. I can tell you a great book "The Explosive Child" is a good resource. You may want to check it out of the library. Greene brings out the importance of having a plan before the tantrum. Talk to your child and work out with him what he can do, and what he should do, when he does not get what he wants. Make him part of the solution. When the child is angry, there is no use talking about the plan then, the brain is not listening at that point. All you can do then is follow through on your punishment. However, he has you determine what you feel is non-negotiable, what may be negotiated, and what is just not worth fighting at the moment.

Look up sensory integration disorder and see if anything rings a bell- if it does- ask your pedi about an OT that might be recommended. It changed our lives completely!

Hi S.,
I am a parent educator, an occupational therapist and a parent of a child who melted down easily (reason why I became a parent educator). Here are some things to try: Here is an article on Power Struggles from the work of Redirecting Children's Behavior...which is a book and a class you can check out as well: http://incaf.com/articles/Avoiding_Power_Struggles.pdf
Also, if you can check out information online about sensory integration dysfunction and see if those issues are present. If so, you might benefit from having him evaluated from an SI occupational therapist. If these issues are present some other behavioral strategies that could help are the Explosive Child (Greene) and The Nurtured Heart Approach (Glasser). If you want info about these approaches feel free to email me and I can attach it in an email back to you. ____@____.com I have other resources as well about how to teach self-calming/anger/stress management to kids that I would be happy to share with you.
Blessings to you and your family,
K.

When your son is throwing a fit and will not stop, the best thing to do is to make sure he is in a place where he cannot hurt himself and give him time to calm himself. He could have Sensory Integration Disorder, SID, which is when the senses are not fully integrated with the brain and causing many disfunctions in childrens behavior. You may think back to when your son was little. Did he not like change, did he not like textured foods or dislike the way foods look and smell? What about loud noises or things that are too hot or too cold to him. Just seemed out of sorts. Please google SID to learn more or there are books "Sensory Integration Disorder" The pediatricians would tell me that my son was spoiled but I new that was not the case so I took him to a center for evaluation at 2yrs. He is now 8 and still takes him a while to calm down. Or it could be something totally different, however, just start noticing other things that he may or may not do and let a physician know. Occupational therapy may help as well. Hope this was helpful!

S.,

My son has the same issues! He turned 6 in December and ever since then has become demanding and verbal about his wants and is not following directions very well. I have tried restrictions which throws him into a full out fit. I don't back down but it seems like a switch in him turns on and he turns into a completely different child, then once the fit is over he is back to his "normal" self.

A.

Try to be consistent with your punishments. Every child is so bright and know exactly how to behave with parents. If you are the kind that only threats and does not go thru that just makes things worse. Be consistent and firm without loosing your cool. Let him know that every unapproved action has a consequence that he may not like. Is he happy at school? Is he dealing with a negative friendship at school? Get information and talk to his teacher to see if he/she is having problems with your son at school. I hope this helps you.

Good luck,
Elisa M

I have always been a beliver in spanking. Growing up once we were doing something really bad, or repeditly the same no no we were told to go to our room. Then they would explain to us why,what we did was wrong, what the expected from us, and we were not to do this again. Then we got our spankings usually three. There are recent studies suggesting that kids that were spanked as chrilden are less likely to do drugs and get into serious trouble. I personally never did drugs neither of my brothers did either. If I remember correctly the study suggested that the kids learned from an earily age, stronger concquences for there actions. FYI dad had a much larger impact on me for doing something wrong than mom did.

Get out to Playgroups, Church, Let a relative keep him for sleepover's with cousin's,Give him opportunities to be invovled in settings that models Good and healthy behavior which is expected and required of hime..Kingdom Rukes.....Sounds like it's just you two..Teach him to share and consider others feelings ..it will begring it home to him interacting with other youths that model the norm behavior...Then Prayers availeth much to those that seek God's word..Do you have a church home..I am sure that when he is in the Children's church, his behavior will be of Kingdom Character...Get to the God resources and you'll be in the Assured Promiseland...Life and parenting is really Grand...Belove,,,Apostle O~ Perkins