Help with Marriage.

Hi S., it sounds like you may need to spice it up a little. Try the sexy lingerie after the kids go to bed. If there are no problems in that area, ask a friend to watch the kids for a night for you and make plans ahead of time. This way, he won't back out as easily. Could it be he doesn't like the people you go out with? If it is, make plans for just the two of you. There are many things that couples can do. If this doesn't work, you may need to just be honest with him. Tell him you miss him and you want more time with him. Good Luck.

Hi S.,
It sounds like your husband may be bored in the marriage too. Maybe you should try to be spontaneous instead of "planning" a night, possibly take the kids to grandma's or another family member, or babysitter, and then take your husband to dinner, the movies, automotive section at Wal-mart (my husband is a mechanic). Go to the beach and Walk in the moonlight...there is nothing tiring about that and it is beautiful.
This also sounds like something you need to talk about with one another -- alone. See if there is an underlying problem that just needs a little push to get it out in the open between the two of you. Another word of advice is keep everyone else out of your marriage. (Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, brothers, FRIENDS, on both sides...it never turns out good) I had a friend who was "helping me" in a past relationship, her motives weren't to help me, but to help herself in the long run thus destroying a relationship that could have worked.
Hope this helps and best of luck to you,
C.
PS I think there is a full moon going this weekend...moonlight walk!

hi S.,

it seems to be a common thing to get bored in marriage after having kids. in my marriage it's the total opposite. i don't wnat to leave the kids of of outings (only because i don't trust anyone else to care for my kids). so anyways, yeah we never get alone time. after kids go to bed i watch my shows which i record during the day. we barely even talk about things but i don't think of our situation as marriage not working out. it just has become crowded and that's what we wanted...to have a family.
but it seems you want the alone time. why not have a romantic dinner with hubby after kids are off to bed. some candles, small talk and cuddling. things will change (i hope)
vlora

hey girl i know how you feel i am married with 3 kids also but i'm a year younger than you but i have found that if you can find someone you trust and only someone you trust to keep an eye on your kids for a couple hours one or two nights a week so you can go to sassy kat and get a little something for the both of you have dinner all ready and you can become what you made for dinner i have realised that once you and your hubby stop making time for yourselves you won't be happy until you do get some ALONE time and trust me you wont have so much stress or anxiety and if you find the right person maybe you two could trade nights so she can have some time ALONE with her hubby or beau witchever it may be i promice that if you get back into the swing of things with your love you will have more patients to deal with all the small stuff that kids can bring. good luck!!!!!

Hi S. this responce is coming from my husband and myself.
More from my hubby i think...lol
Ok It sounds kinda mean but don't worry about time with friends and lets focus on him noticing you again!!! For some reason when us men become comfortable in our home life we tend to forget about the most important person who made our life a family. You need to think of ways to make his head turn and notice you again like the way he did when you two first met. Being a stay at home mom could work to your advantage because you have more time to plan what we will call the "Seduction" .
Most guys will come home from work want their beverage of choice before anything, or just to sit on the couch and unwind for a little bit before family time starts. This is one time you can take using body language, type of clothes, to make him start noticing you again even with kids running around the house you can do little things too get him looking at you again belive it or not us guys do see changes such as hair style clothing and what not me and my wife also had this problem years back and she did the following, i came home from work one day to find her with a new hair style and i noticed right away a few days later i started noticing she was no longer walking around the house looking like the kids got the best of her she was starting to focus on her. Then her clothing style started to change. Instead of tshirts everday coming home to, i found myself coming home to low "V" cut tops or tank tops with the womens best weapon on a push up bra. This started reminding me of reasons why we decided to get together in the first place she never gave in right away standing her ground making me want more everytime i came home. before long i found myself acting like i did when we first started dating, i would watch her do her mother duties hoping to beable to get a glimpse down her top as she moved around and my wife would make it a point to make sure there was plenty of oppertunity for me to get an eyefull just enough to tease then she would just move on with her normal routine and leaving me desiring, wanting to see or to have more of her. Even when it came to eating dinner she would do little things to get my attention. Such as pretending food fell to feed the puppies as i call them..lol she always sits across from me at the table and wearing a low cut top so clevage was visiable and making me wonder what more i could see. She even changed her ways of eating seeing her putting certain types of food in her mouth became exciting. And all this was done without the kids ever noticing. We started to have fun, making eye contact with eachother or little jokes and inuendos between us. then when its time to go into the kitchen for something then i would follow like i was gonna help and let her know what she was doing to me and how i was feeling and maybe even pinching her or kissing her. ANd then from there the excitment grew for the evening. even when we would sit on the couch she would lean into me and when i would put my arm around her my hand would lay at the top of her chest. We hope this is a start in the right direction for you if you wanna talk or have any other questions from us please email us. We would be more than happy to talk with you. Just so u know a little about us we are going on 10 years of marriage with 3 kids 2 of them teenagers and a 9 yr old. I still get my husband with this all the time. Hope to hear from you soon!!!

L. and Steve

I know this sounds off the wall, but it has worked for many to add the spark back into your marriage it worked for us! I was in your same scenario 2 years ago, husband working alot , only did the family thing, and when we did get to go out it was "out to dinner" and our conversation was very minimal staring at each other across the dinner table with not much to say to one another. A friend of ours suggested going to a "swingers club", this is definately not for everyone by all means. We are a classy, eduacated couple and have a great family life but was lacking in our marriage, scheduled quickies between the kids nap-time just wasn't getting it after 10 years of marriage. We started out just watching, and worked our way from there. Everyone has there opinions on this it will eithr make you or break you, but for us it has brought us so much closer as a couple, its living out your fantasies that you thought you could never talk about. It's not only the "sex" issue, but we have learned to communicate so much better with each other now that we can be honest withone another about what was missing. I'm sure I will get alot of negative feed back form this but, just giving a suggestions that has worked for many.

Cheers, H.

sorry i know what you mean my husband wants the kids with us all the time to if i get luck and have them sleep over somewhere he wants to go get them right away I think me don't understand that moms need a break especially the ones that are the stay at home moms if you get any advice ple share i have a 4yr old son and a 2 yr old daugther.

I agree with most of the comments given. Honesty is the best policy. You have to tell him right out how you feel and for guys that means drawing a picture to go with it. Tell him you are going to work on it from your end and you REALLY hope he does the same. And then just surprise him. Get a baby sitter even if it's just for a couple of hours and you guys can be alone. It will seems kind of awkward because neither of you is used to alone time. Watch a movie, have little desserts that you feed to him. Or buy a sexy something to wear and run in and jump in his lap. Most guys don't want to put out a whole lot of effort, but they want big returns.
What's great in my neighborhood is that at the community center they have family movie night so I know at least 1 time a month I get some alone time. For about 1 1/2 hours, I send the kids over to watch the movie and dad and I can have quite time.
It'll work out, you just need to talk to each other and go from there. This is a two way street and he needs to know what you want from him. Guys love it when you tell them you want them. It's an ego thing.
Good luck and happy times.
Tiff

It sounds to me like you are not only bored, but lonely. I know it sounds impossible to be lonely when you have children, but I mean as a woman in a relationship. Another comment also mentioned this, you dont have to go out to spend quality time with the hubby. Try small things, have a late dinner together after you put the kids to bed. Cuddle up on the couch together and watch a movie. These are things you could do from your end to make an effort. Have you had a serious talk with your husband about your feelings? I wouldnt consider it a problem in the marriage, just a little bit of a kink. Another idea, if you wanted, is there someone that you can get to keep your children for the weekend? Even if you dont leave your house, you would have him all to yourself for a bit!

Hi S. My name is P. I just recently become a part of the mamasoure, I hope I can help shine a little on your situation. I have been married now for twenty plus years. First of all let me say this. It sounds like your husband had a bad experience growing up as a child and he wants to do every thing in his power to make sure his sons don't have the same kind of experience. You'll have to let him know from time to time that he's doing a fine job as a daddy. His greatest fear is failing as a dad. He feels as if he's nade some accomplishments as a husband and even businessman, however he must not loose focus on what's primary above all, and that is the marriage, Because that's the glue that hold everything together. What you need to do is shedule at least one evening out of the week when it will be convient for you and him. Get a baby sitter. And stick to that day, once a week. If he does not comply at first, sit him down have a talk with him let him know the inportance of the matter. If he still doesn't comply don't let up until he agrees. Remind him of what you had and how you don't wont to loose it. if all else fails write me back and we'll come with plan B

Hi S.. I can understand what you mean. Most of the advice given was great. I think you are lucky to have the husband you have who wants to spend time with the kids. On the other hand I know you want the intimacy back in your relationship. I was in the same situation and one friend asked me if I thought he might have someone on the side. Now I know he would never do that but it made me think. I decided to change my way of thinking. I got into the frame of mind that I was competing for his attention, kind of like when we first met. I started treating him nicer, dressing up for him, doing things for no reason, etc. He noticed and would start doing the same for me. We started to sneak moments during the day and want to be alone more. It put a little more excitement into things.

Marriage isn't easy as we all know. It's a ton of work- especially when you put kids & careers in the midst of it. If I were you I would put an "emergency status" on my relationship meaning working to make it better from my end 1st is going to be top priority. Spend time thinking about him & his good qualities. Write him notes to leave around the house, hug him in front of the kids, plan evenings out together without him knowing, plan a weekend away. You can also find a church with marriage meetings or something like that. We go to Calvary Chapel in Ft. Lauderdale & they actually have a married couples night out there tonight (Friday) at 7pm. Everyone brings food & you sit at tables to meet other couples and then listen to someone speak about marriage. It's a good time awy. There's so many things to do, and it's so important to all of you involved. Hope this helps.

Hello S.,
It is easy to get bored or complacent in a marriage. The hard part is keeping it exciting, fulfilled, loving, and happy. Life gets in the way and easily but not intentional our spouse becomes last man on totem pole. If this was my situation, I would inquire with my husband to be honest with me and tell me is there something going on? To share his feelings. Because more times than not this circumstance is reversed meaning the husband has to beg for time with his wife. God joined man and woman, and their relationship is supposed to be the primary, if not family relationships will suffer. Talk to him, Talk to God. And as another mama said keep family, friends OUT of it!!!Good luck to you and all of us mamas trying to keep our marriages and families!!!!!