***Help: Suggestions Need to Help Dad Adjust!!!!!!****

Forgive me, but why isn't Kenny coming with? Are you two in a serious realtionship that you plan on continuing?

Hi M.,

What a tough situation you have a head of you but BRAVO for going to school and keeping up with your dreams! Your son will only admire you for all of your hard work!

I agree about the webcams--but there is also a free baby website that you can subscribe to and build (very easy) a website for your son. You can post pictures, diary entires as well as VIDEOS! Update that daily or weekly for your boyfriend and he can stay connected to your little guy. We live 2 hours from most of our family and we feel that this has helped them to watch her grow up.

Go to www.aboutmybaby.com

Good Luck!

Do you and Kenny both have a computer. If you do you should try and set up a web cam and set a time where you can talk and Baby can see Daddy and visa versa.

Try to make a journal that record fun things that baby has done. That you can right to Kenny about. You may think that you'll never forget the first time baby ____, but you do.

Of course saying that. All Mothers should do that, and I for one don't :)

I had the same worries (they ate at me) that you are thinking about right now... and I can tell you that in the end father and son will still be best buds. My huband was deployed to Iraq so he was not here for any of my pregnancy, got home with in hours of my giving birth and was gone again when our son was only 2 weeks old. I was always thinking that they would never have a bond.... but after 11 months of them being apart, he was home and in 2 days and they were Best Friends... my husband kept saying, I think he likes me! My heart melted and the worries all went away.
We used the web cam option often
Other families did a story time,Dad read a story on a video and then they played it everynight before bed. That way he can be a part of bedtime.
When you are together on weekends make sure dad does bathtime or bedtime, its a great time to bond and be totally one on one
If you have a video camera keep it handy so you can catch cute moments and let dad watch later!

But mostly don't worry to much, focus on your son and school and it will all fall in place in the end. Good luck!

Hi M..
I haven't read any responses you may have received, but I am wondering how far away you will be from each other. Cell phones make the distance so much easier these days. In a lot of ways- but from experience, men have vivid imaginations- and can let it get the best of them- so be prepared for that. Make sure you call daily, write and send pictures weekly if you can't be there to see him every weekend,.

I feel for you guys, that must be so hard! Do you guys have access to computers that you could mount a web cam on? Then you could talk to each other real time and your son could see & hear his Dad every day.

i would look in to web cams they are very cheap now then they can see each other.Plus send photo's.I wish I had this when my husband left.Plus leave messages on the phone so you can hear each others voice.
I am sure that he does not think you are leaving him behind.You both are doing something to help with your edication.Your child will not remember.But you 2 will and be proud of it think of it as it was all worth it to better your life.You also could keep a daily journal of things.Then give it to him.Plus I did this when the kids where little not every
day.But the important things.Take it from me you think you will rember but some things are for gotten.With my 2nd baby I found a book that was a preg. journal.I love looking back at them all.Good luck. R.

M.,
I'm assuming you will have a computer at school? If you have your own, get webcams! They can be very inexpensive and (I'm told) that the service is free. That way you can "almost" be in the same room anytime and you won't have a phone glued to your head while you try to do stuff with your son.
BTW, Good for you on attending college even though you have a little one. It will be tough, but what a gift for your family once you are done!

It will be an adjustment for you all but it is workable. Keep working at meeting up for the weekends and make sure you talk to your boyfriend each day or everyother day. Make a book or a video of your boyfriends pictures or have him read books on video for your son. This will keep him in touch with his dad a little more. Also put the phone up to his ear and let daddy talk with him.

My husband worked out of town when my kids were small and while it was hard, they did do fine and this is such a short time to be apart. Nine months might seem long, but it will go by pretty fast. The hardest thing will be your boyfriend missing out on the firsts so try to record them when you can.

Good luck

I only read a few of the responses, but no one has seemed to ask if you could each live half way in between? You said that you'd only be 2 hours away -- well could you each commute 1 hour and still live together as a family?

It may seem like a long was to go, but in the end your family would be together. At such a young age I'd hate to see your boyfriend lose out on the bonding time --- how would you feel if it was the other way around?

Just some thoughts. Good luck with your situation -- it is a tough one.

All I can add is...Constant Communication!
Whether it be a web cam, phone calls, picture messages on the phone. There have been a lot of great suggestions already.
You don't mention if you are attending different colleges, or if Kenny is younger than you?
Kudos to you for getting the education you need to support your baby!
I will also reiterate another poster stated...Once you and Kenny get married, you have to put each other first. It is hard, but you have to care for each other and yourself before you care about the children. A firm foundation in the marriage will lead to a very happy child!

M.,

If you want this relationship to be permanent, then I would suggest keeping him in the loop as much as possible and be a team, all be it a long distance team. IM or email him or call him when your baby does cute or new things or do it just to say "I love you." Not all day, of course, but at least once during his day. My husband and I make sure we have some kind of quick contact at least once while he is at work. Make sure he is getting lots of pictures and make sure your decisions are made together. (Don't just inform him of how its going to be done.)

Something you wrote stuck out at me. You said, "Next to the baby, Kenny is most important." It makes sense that that is where your priorities currently lie because you aren't yet married to each other. Please realize that when you are married, that should change. The best thing you can do for your baby is to get married and put each other first. It creates a stability that children need. I have seen moms put their children before their husbands time and time again. Or they get into a disagreement with their husband so its "me and the kids" against "him." It creates a great amount of stress on the relationship and often ends in divorce - so, so hard on the kids. They really need a mom and a dad at home together who are a united team in raising them and whose relationship with each other is solid.

That doesn't mean that the parents stay in honeymoon zone and neglect the kids. It means that the parents continue to date each other, be there for each other and don't let the kids manipulate or divide them or use the kids as an excuse to let the relationship slide.

Good luck,
S.

I just want to say I am so proud of you for putting school a priority!!! I respect that you are stepping up to the plate to take care of your future and thinking of your sons future also. A college degree is a huge accomplishment and will be a great help to have through life.
Now, I recently moved away from my family(sibblings, parents ect) and we keep in touch with SKYPE. It is super easy to download. We have a camera built in on our computer so we can chat live with video and for free!! If you don't have a camera, I think they are reasonable and you can chat without a camera but it is not as fun. It is a great way to keep in touch. I feel like they are here with me when we are skyping. My sister lives in Australia and we can live chat with her too. It is amazing! It has really helped us stay connected. If you skype, your boyfriend can see you and the baby and vice versa. Good Luck!

check out the message "There is an Elephant in the Livingroom" at www.eaglebrookchurch.com

I noticed most people suggesting web cams and that's a great idea,but I would definitely use one with SKYPE and not an IM service... you will get much better results and it is free to use. i have a lot of friends that keep in touch with family that is far away using this service.

Good luck to you and way to go with getting your education! I've been a single mom for 5 years and get married next week... the transition will be interesting and hard, but I couldn't be happier. Even when times get hard make sure you don't shut each other out, but continue to talk and make sure you both know that you are loved no matter what.

You can marry and take things from there. Your son needs his father and his father needs to help raise his son. You both made a mature decision in having a child together. This child needs you both with lots of love, time, affection
kisses etc. It is not fair to to your son and your boyfriend. It will be work but your son will benifit.
Bless you

Is it possible to go to the same school or go to a school closer to Kenny?

I know long distance relationships are extrememly hard and hurt alot of relationships I would do alot of phone calls, emails, whatever you can to keep in constant communication. Weekend visits whatever you can do.

My husband is a surgical resident so he is not home very much. One thing that we try to do is have lots of pictures around that show him doing things with his boys. We also talk about him during the day or try and call him.

We both have cell phones....solely so that we can stay connected despite our busy schedules. Being apart is so hard. Sometimes you just have to do, what you have to do.... just try and make the time apart as short as possible.

Lots of parents have to compensate for another parent far away. We live super close to an airforce base and I can't imagine having a spouse deployed.

I know that you aren't married yet, and everyone has their take on what commitment and marriage mean to them. For me, getting married was a reflection of our commitment. We didn't wait until the timing was perfect, but that was the right thing for us. Obviously you are already sensitive to the issue of being separated from your boyfriend. Kudos to you for wanting to build his relationship with your son!!

Best of Luck!!!

I commend you on going to college with a baby. College was hard enough for me without a child. Good Luck!

To answer your question:
Email him lots of photo's and baby updates. Call him or he call you so he can hear baby coo and baby can hear him. Of course lots of weekend visits.

If the relationship is meant to last it will. That doesn't mean it will be easy.

Being apart is HARD, especially when you're that young... be sure to make the most of your weekend visits. Put the schooling aside -mentally and actually- for the duration of the visits. Focus on being a family (and on being a couple). Talk on the phone 2 or 3 evenings per week.

Not to sound harsh, but don't be surprised if your boyfriend goes a little wild as soon as he has a little "freedom". This happened recently with some friends of mine in a very similar situation. Just make a decision about how much you will tolerate and how long you will wait for him to get back on track if he messes up while you're gone.

I wish you the best.