Help with Irresponsible Ex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm...well, my rule w/my kids is you have to have a fever or be throwing up to stay home. Otherwise they go. I don't neccisarily take them to the dr. tho. If I'm reading you right you just threaten that so they won't play sick right? So if they do stay home they must be sick enough to go to the dr. I wouldn't just take them for a fever or throwing up for 1 day either. But that's not the question. I would tell him your rules and if he can't agree w/them then maybe he should just get them on the weekends. Tell him that's the schools rule too, well, at least my school. Fever or throwing up they don't want them there, otherwise tell him to send them. I wouldn'tmake him take them to the dr. tho. And be nice about it no need to start an argument over this yet. See what he says and does and take it from there. Oh, and he should be telling you if the kids had to stay home and why. That's only right.

Good luck!

S.

Kari:

School is the most important thing for kids, they should be there everyday. I can tell you feel this way -- but more importantly it's the law. If your ex is unable or unwilling to get your son to school on time everyday when he is not sick, then you need to go back to court and get your shared parenting agreement changed. If your shared parenting agreement doesn't have a provision about what is an acceptable absence from school (and I don't know that it would since this is your son's first year), you either need to add one in or ask the judge/magistrate to not allow your ex overnight visits on school nights. If you don't want to go to court over this yet, try to get your ex to sign an agreement about what is an excusable absence and agree to only keep your son home for those reasons.

Whatever you do, just make sure to document! Get documentation from the school about the days your son has missed school (or was late because you had to go pick him up and take him). Make sure the office secretaries and the principal knows what is going on and make sure they always call you if your son is absent.

Good luck!
~D.

Kari, Not to sound rude here ok but just from what I read. You are div. from this guy. there had to be a reason why the marriage ended. You both have different ways to raise you children. The child is 6 right? so thats either 1st or kindergarden. how long have you been div.? If it is recent then the child might be upset that you are not together. To keep a child home cause of a fever and vomit and no dr thats ok. People do it all the time some people take kids to drs when they dont need to go. yes if it was days of this go to dr but only one day no its not worth it. If the ex is just keeping him home then yes talk to him about that. I tell my kids which are older 14,11 that if they throw up stay home they feel ill go to school try to make it. I dont think it is irresponsible that he does not take kid to dr just for fever unless the fever was for days and it was over 102. You dont like they way the ex does things thats why he is an ex. but if the kids are not in any danger when with him and he takes care of them as in baths feeds them does things with him i would not push this very far yet. If the div is still new give the kids time to adjust you might see a change in them. Remember this is a site to help each other we can only go by what people write to us. but remember we also have to look at the whole picture of things in our life. It might not be the other person it could be us just jumping the gun.

I can certainly understand that the kids need to be in school if they aren't sick, but to tell your ex that he will need "permission" to keep them overnight?? Sounds like fighting words to me. Obviously, he is being irresponsible but treating him like a child is not going to help - especially if you have a court order stating the time you each have with your children. Talk to, not threaten, your ex or perhaps have the school send a letter about truancy. If he still refuses to abide, then you may have to go to court to change the order. Please don't demand and control. It's not going to get you anywhere and ultimately hurts the kids.

I will add, you both should be letting each other know when your child is sick, whether school is missed or not.

You are not overreacting. If your children do not go to school, then they are not getting the care they need. School is very important and you as a parent can get charges filed on you if your child is not in school and does not have a doctor's note in some cities. I know here in BG, that is the case. So not only are your children missing school, but you two, as the parents can be held responsible. I would be upset. You can give him a chance if you want, tell him that your child must go to school unless he is going to the doctor's office and if you find out one more time that he stays home w/o a doctor's visit that you are going to have to have the kids back to you on school nights. To find out if your ex is taking him to school simply call the school and let them know what is going on (short version) and ask them to call you if your son is not in school. It would be a pain for you to have to call them, but you really are correct, your child does need to be in school barring a doctor's visit or some real catastrophe. You may be the "bad guy" for a while, but that is part of being a real parent, sometimes you have to do things that make your children angry for their own good.

Good Luck!

B.

I know how you feel, only its my step son and his mom decides to keep him out of school every day she has a day off. I think its about to hit 20 days. A couple were cause of sickness, but never the doc. He has made it to school every day at our house. We share him every other week. We sent him to school with a sore throat, but he says his mom would let him stay home. I agree, if there is no fever, vomiting, body aches, they should go to school. The fact that school outweighs a sore throat. I think he is getting awfully close to be failing the whole grade. Isn't it illegal, or neglect or something. She won't listen unless we can prove she is wrong. She is kind of an idiot so she doesn't think about the long term problems this will cause. I say stick to your guns and tell your child that you care about their future and think that they should go to school and be smart so they can have a good job and make good money. Parents that keep their children home for anything else are selfish, and don't care about their child's future, and ultimately are taking away from their children.