Help with in Realtionship

You have to decide what's important. If this woman is so rude after such a short time, it's likely to stay that way. I have been blessed with wonderful in-laws, but my girlfriend, who is now engaged does not. Every invitation is a huge fight for them, and it's a lot of strain on their relationship and she's worried how her kids will be treated once they have children. Since they don't care for her, will they be the same towards the kids?

Only you will be able to make the decision and it's still early. Love is tough to find, so it's a hard decision. I wish you the best.

Hello, H.! You have two girls..how do they react around your boyfriend? Do they get along? It's only been 3 months. Personally, I do not agree with people living together (esp. for so long)-degree of noncommittal there. No stability or accountability. How does your boyfriend view his dad's relationship? If he sees nothing wrong with it, I might step back and review your relationship. You two need to be on the same page from day one (communication). Any relationship is not going to work for long as long as the "foundation" is shaky. I would not worry about his dad's significant other-if she's nasty, I would not bring my kids there. Keep your distance. You have your own family to worry about! I will pray for you..L. D-Michigan

Hi H.,

I know that it seems like at some point in time that everyone grows up and gets out of that "high school" state. But I have learned that's not always true. When my husband was younger his dad dated this lady that turned him and his brother against each other for no other reason then she was board and didn't have anything else to do. Keep in mind she was old enought to be their mother. She than would also start things with my husband just to get him mad and upset, again for no real reason. And although that was years ago and my father in law and her are not "really" together, she is still around because they have a child together. She was her very unwanted on Thanksgiving and tried to start stuff between my husband and me, luckly we have a rule that we stick together no matter what, so she couldn't play us like that. And I nicely told her it was grand to have a high schooler in the house, but sometimes people don't grow out of that. She may just feel threatened by you and not want you around for no good reason. As long as you are always nice to her, than his father has no reason not to like you.

Good Luck

It is so joyous to be loved, to feel wanted and needed, and I know this is exactly what you need. But please think of your girls. They will be watching every little move. Is this the best situation for them?

I would consentrate on you and your boyfriends relationship and don't worry about others and what they say or may not say about you. I am a stay at home mom who is married to a wonderful man for the last 10 years but have been with him for actuall 15 years and neither of his parents really care for me. Nor does his step or half brother and sisters. I don't care the only ones who matter to me is him and our four kids. I use to let it bother me and we where rocky for a couple years. We still get into little spats sometimes when it comes to his mom's sidE because she raised him not to care for others feeling and sometimes he can be hurtful or not get it unless spelt out completely. My advise is you met him not his dad or his dads girlfriend so be with him for you not for there approval.

H.,

Sounds like this woman is jealous of your relationship with this man and no matter what you do it won't make her like you. If you like this man a lot, and it sounds like you do, and want to continue the relationship you will just have to ignore her. Since it is not your fellow's real mother he probably won't care that you don't have a close relationship with her. The times when families get together can always be stressful even in the closest of families but it doesn't mean that we shouldn't have relationships because one or two people who you see occasionally are rude and lacking in social skills. You can be cooly polite but not rude when your family gets together. If I feel someone does not like me I keep my interaction with them very formal, like they were a stranger, it's a way of putting up your guard which you just may have to do when she is around. If you don't give up she will when she see's you're in it for the long haul.
My advice is hang in there, anything worth having is worth fighting for.

S.

Well I can tell you this, my mom died when I was little and my dad had different girlfriends along the way. I think he was trying to do the right thing and find me a mother. But no matter how great they were either they would be jealous of my relationship with my father (I was 5 and always latched onto him becuz I was afraid something could happen to him) and he always tried to make me feel important in his life. Some of the girlfriends and their families were just horrible tho. They treated me very bad and to this day I'm not really sure why. So I would do everything you can to protect your girls. Your all they have and u need to protect them against anyone who's going to be cruel (or potentially cruel) to them. The women sounds like she has some issues and it doesn't look like she's going anywhere. I would ask what she's saying about you? And then how do you know? If its the boyfriend or father telling u this than I would consider that maybe they like the drama or are so used to it and will never do anything to stop it. But make up your mind about the situation before u expose your kids to anything.
The last thing u want is some grumpy lady taking out her problems on your kids. And if that situation ever occurs I would hope you leave and never see those people again. Kids don't understand why people are being mean to them, they just know that they feel hurt.

It's probably nothing more than feeling like you're about to usurp her 'standing'. She's been a part for 15 years and you're "a mere 3 months". If she wants to have her input valued, 15 years and no further committment doesn't work well for her. So really, it's none of her business anyway. She's not a permanent fixture. Neither are you. But she's somehow feeling threatened.

Until she's more permenantly 'installed', f'get about it. It's her problem.

It must be difficult to concentrate on your relationship when someone else is interfering. I know it is painful when an in law doesn't like you. Not that this is anywhere near the same situation but when I was in HS my boyfriend's mother hated me!! I think it was more my parents that she didn't like, but she would never give me a chance. I've never been hated by someone's mother/family so much and it hurt. I tried so many times to prove to her that I wasn't like my parents and that I was different. The relationship ended for other reasons but on a small scale I've been there. The only insight I can give is: Do you always like your boyfriend(s) family members? Every single one of them? Sometimes you just have to move on and stop trying to go overboard to please someone. Maybe she knows that you are trying hard to be nice and she thinks its fake. If your guy says that what the both of you wants is all that matters then that's all that matters. 3 months is a short amount of time to expect everyone to love you. As long as you two are happy as a couple, focus on that. The rest will come. Good luck!!

Hi, H.

It could be that the Dad's "friend" is somewhat jealous of your relationship. Sounds like your relationship is moving a lot further than her's will. You can't please everybody and shouldn't waste the time and effort. Follow your instincts, deal with your friend. You have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone, not your friend, his dad or his dad's insignificant other. If the woman has a problem with you, remember it is just that, "her problem." Concentrate on your relationship and keep the lines of communication open between the "two of you." I'm curious to know how you know she is talking bad about you to the dad. Ask whoever is reporting those conversations to you if they agree with what she is saying. If they aren't in agreement with her, let that person know that you no longer wish to waste your precious time discussing the matter. Continue being your wonderful self, either this wonderful man will recognize that you truly are a wonderful woman or he will show you that he is not as wonderful as you think he is. There is an old saying, "the fruit doesn't fall too far from the tree."

A.

Hi H. first of all its good to hear that things are going so well in your relationship.If you're both happy with how things are going don't let whats happening with his fathers g/f bother you.Its only been 3 months and you never know she may change how she feels about you.At least you know his father likes you.What's important is that you're both happy and the kids get along with him.Give it time I believe its still early in the relationship to really get along with his family.

Good Luck!

First of all take your time with this man I don't care how "Great" it seem take your time you have two children in particular girls that also need to be consireded in this situation. The second point is SHE is not your inlaw. WHo cares what she thinks, can she pay your bills, take care of your home, or do anything thatis beneficial to you? I doubt it you don;t have to wake up to her or live with her or depend on her for anything so let her do her thing and you do yours. I hope that everything works out for you. Happy Holidays!

First off, congrats on your new relationship! Finding love can be hard.

Next, your guy is right. It is what happens between the two of you that really matters. That being said, be sure your guy sees what you see. If not, then yes, you will continue to be frustrated throughout your time together. However, if he DOES see what you see and supports you completely, then you have an ally. He can speak to his father and show solidarity with you.

Do not let what this woman thinks affect your happiness. Do not give her that kind of power over your life. Your relationship is between you and your guy. Talk to him, let him know how you feel. Communication is KEY in any relationship. I'm guessing if things are going as well as you believe they are, then he will support you completely and everything will be fine.

Alright H., listen up! Could it be that the reason Mr. Wonderful is single is because of this woman? Your guy should be telling his dad that he will not tolerate her saying bad things about his girl. You haven't given her any reason not to like you, so it isn't you, it is her! This is an issue for you, or you wouldn't be asking. If it is an issue now, it is going to be an issue later. She sounds like the kind of person who verbally abuses people because no one stops her, no one important to her, like her man of 15 years. Do you really want to subject your girls to a verbally abusive person? Do you really believe that she will always focus it on you and not them? You haven't been in this relationship long enough, these things play out in time so I suggest that if you really want to see if this relationship is going to work, you have the patience of a saint. And she is not going to change. This is going to be an issue always, is he willing to put up with the tension, including not seeing his dad if it gets to that? How he handles this will determine whether or not you think is is Mr. Wonderful, or Mr. Wonderful for a short time. In case you can't tell, my family is dealing with an issue that has some parallels to this one. How your man does, or doesn't, deal with this should be paramount to how you judge him for being a father/husband. Chin up, kiddo, you keep the control!

If you have done nothing to offend this woman, than don't waste your time worrying about it. You can't please or befriend everyone. It's hard enough in a new relationship. Spend your time building a relationship with your boyfriend. Maybe once they really get to know you things will be smoother. Best of luck in life and LOVE.

Don't worry about what the in laws think, its what your guy thinks. AND if he's willing to stand up for you to them. If he can't do this you'll regret the situation, but if he can stand up for you to his family then they should not bother you, or if they do you'll be agreed to set boundaries and not spend as much time with them. This is the key thing here, and I'd see how he handles the small things now before committing to a longer relationship with him.