Help with Good Behavior in Public...

I have this same problem w/ my 4 year old daughter. I put together a bag of goodies (fruit snacks, graham crackers) and some coloring stuff, stuffed animals, quiet things for her to do while in the pew. This usually helps relieve her boredom and gets me through at least to Communion!

Dear H.,
I had the same problem with my 2 year old. When he would through a fit we would take him out but still hold him. He always wanted to get down and play but we just held him in the halls so that he wouldn't be loud in the meeting. After a few sundays of knowing he wasn't going to get away with just going out and playing or screaming in the meeting he has gotten better. Good luck and I hope this helps.

I would not attend a church that insists that tiny children be in the service. They get nothing out of it. YOU get nothing out of it. And they learn to hate church. Find one with activities for them during that time or wait until they are older.

When our children were small I did something kind of unusual for most people. When the child started to fuzz I took them with me out in the foyer and sat down with them in my lap. Then I wrapped their arms around them and wrapped my arms around their arms and held them tight. They would be so mad that they could not get loose and they would try to escape me. Then I said: "Listen, if you can be really good and quiet I will let you go back in to the meeting with me and you can sit down and color, read a book, play with quiet toys (whatever we had brought for our child) but if you get loud again then you will come back out here again and have to sit like this in my lap."

No kid will choose to sit in the foyer wrapped up so tight that they hardly can breathe. When they get rowdy and loud then you quietly remind them what will happen if they don't pipe down. I have had many people ask me over the years how I get my kids to sit so still and quiet and this is the trick I used. Also remember the louder you get the louder the kids get, so control of your own voice is essential. Do not speak above a quiet whisper!! My husband and I also refrain from whispering to each other during the meeting. Lead by example really do help. It might not work the first time that you try it so don't give up after one try. Some kids are more determined than others.

Tell them that if they are not reverant in church when you need them to be you will practice at home. So when you get home make them sit on the couch and be reverant for an amount of time. Keep it up and they will eventually learn to be reverant at church.

try the web site sugardoodle.com they should have some ideas for quiet books for church also deseret book

What my sister does is brings coloring books and crayons and have them color during mass. Also we bring books with lots of pictures.

Are you committed to the church you are attending? If you are then I would talk to the Sunday School superintendant about child worship during church, or find a church with child services. Kids need to learn that church is where they go to worship too. They are never too young to start being taught about Jesus.
Grandma and Sunday School and Child worship Director of many years

Personally I think that when we all first get to church we should all swap Sunday bags. I found that my kids did much better if the stuff in the Sunday bag was stuff they'd never seen before or only got to see on Sunday's during church. It is a hard stage of motherhood to go through but I commend you on not giving up. The kids will learn that church is the place to be on Sundays and you will (evenutally) get what you need and want to out of it. Good Luck!

Buy some washable crayons, and either a coloring book or a sketch pad, and let them color. (Get one of the same thing for each of them or else they'll end up fighting over who gets what.) We opted for the sketch pad - that way they can "create" their own things to color. Or some small, quiet activity that they can work on. We've got a picture printed on carboard that has holes around the outside of it. They can take a string or a shoelace and pretend to sew.

Or, you could try getting church books that they can look at or that you can quietly read to them. I don't recommend food - that can lead to food fights. My boys would get into the little cereal bowl I kept for my baby for snacks, and they'd fight over who got to eat any. So, I quit bringing it.

Good luck. I know sitting through Sacrament Meeting with the kids can be tough, but you can get them to be more reverant. You can also ask them during the songs or someones talk to tell you, quietly, if they here the speaker mention a certain topic - like prophets, or service . . .

Also, before you dig out the crayons and sketch pad, sit down with them before-hand and explain that they're welcome to color, but as soon as they get rowdy and noisy, the crayons and books will go away, and they will have to sit on either side of dad quietly. If they don't sit quietly then, he will take them out and make them sit on a chair without talking or moving. They'll eventually learn that it's much more fun to quietly color during the meeting than to have to sit still on that chair. Also, we don't let our kids get the crayons or the books or anything out until after the sacrament is over. They know that they have to sit quietly and respectfully (no laying down on the benches or putting their feet on the benches). Once the sacrament is over, they can pull out their stuff. Good luck!

R.

I think your expectations are too high for your children. They are too young to be reverent. Well, maybe your 4-yr-old could hold still for an hour. But there is a reason why churches have crying rooms and Sunday school. Places for kids to go and be kids while parents are reverent.

I really liked the idea to have different stuff in your diaper bag for Sunday. It seems that something new & different, even if it's a role of tape; can make a huge difference in their attention span. You could also try a small, inexpensive photo albumn (get one at the dollar store)and fill with family photos. My 2 year old loves to look at pictures of himself & his family. (We, also, have a Jesus book, with pictures from his birth to his resurrection. He's been looking at this since age 1. (Just homemade, not store bought.) Also, my little one really likes to put on lotion, lip balm, hand sanitizer, and etc. I bought him a big blush brush, too, and he brushes my face, his face, the scriptures, the pews with it and has a blast. These are things you have with you anyway, so use them! For your older kids, maze books or I-spy books might be a change from what they usually look at. Good luck with everything & remember everyone struggles at one time or another.

With five kids of my own, I know where you are coming from. The first thing I will say is that you make sure that your kids know what is expected of them. (sitting quietly, listening to the speakers, etc) Even a two year old will grasp this a little bit. Secondly, try to understand that they are kids and will be noisy. It might seem like it, but I'd be willing to bet that your kids aren't the only ones being rowdy at church. We try to sit near the back so that if we need to leave because one of the kids is making too much noise we won't distract too many people. Hang in there, it does get better. If you keep going every week this will become part of life's routine and your children will get better and better at sitting reverently.

Going to church with young children is such a trying experience, but a necessary part of learning for parents and children (older children or youth/teens that have not been through this routine throughout life have a lot more difficult time adjusting than those who have been going since baby/childhood). I have often felt like I had just finished a wrestling match trying to sit still while keeping super active kids somewhat still and on our bench/row.

I found some excellent advice in the Mormon Times section of the Deseret News (suggestions could apply regardless of religious faith). There are 10 reader responses to the question, "How did you help your little ones learn to be reverent in Sacrament Meeting?" found at this link:

http://mormontimes.com/ME_mormonSpeak-poll.php?qID=2

Also, here's a funny article from the same publication that is about how hard it is going to church with little ones:

http://mormontimes.com/ME_index.php?id=539

Good luck H.! : )

My baby decides to scream at the quietest moment in church so I can totally relate.
With the baby besides a pacifier or bottle or a quiet toy. I don't know. If your older kids can be entertained by books, try a Bible story book. I don't know how strict your church is but could you let them draw with penicl and paper. That's what mom and dad did with me.

you've gotten a lot of responses, so i didn't check to see if i'm repeating anything. but just in case you could use the advice, i've found that my very active and expressive boys (4 and 2) need to have time before church to play something using large motor skills-- hide and seek, running, dancing, wrestling with dad, even playing out in the snow. then they are not so anxious to move around at church. i bring plenty of snacks so they are less cranky and rebellious. fruit snacks are their reward to eat during the last song if they have behaved during the meeting. and those magnetic drawing pads often keep them quiet for longish periods of time. of course we still have bad days, but these things help me.

Time out can go with you wherever you are. Remove the children from the other people at church, find a corner and put them in it, period. My kids have had time out at the bank, grocery, the mall...they have the same rules when we go out as we do at home. Kids will test and if you are worried about them being quiet and they see you aren't going to do anything they will test you more. Just time out when you go to church and they will figure out you mean business.

Find what they love to do and bring it along. I have a two and four year old. My girls love to draw, play with their princess figurines and eat. I have a bag for each of them so I don't have to worry about them having to share. I bring a note pad crayons and pens, the princesses, a book, and 3 different kinds of snacks I know they love. Usually crackers, fruit snacks and cereal. That way they can have what they feel like. I try to have them sit quietly until at least after the sacrament has been passed so they have a little reverence practice. But after that I give them each their bag and then try to get the most out of the speakers. If you sit on a bench rather than in the back on the chairs, I find that makes them easier to contain. My bishop said something in 5th Sunday this last week, do what you can to help them be reverent but don't worry about everyone else. They have all heard rowdy kids before and most have them have been in your situation. Good Luck!

H.,
this is a hard situation, as children naturally need to move and talk and skip around and be happy their own child-ways; yet this is all restricted for the entire hour which for them is Eternity.
I do not have an advise, really, but I wanted to share one wonderful moment i witnessed:
me and my dad, we were in Europe, and going from one country to another, we had a day to stop in Vienna, Austria. It was Sunday, and we stepped into one beautiful church. There was a sermon at the time, and beauuuuuuutiful little children, were walking around, talking quietly, one girl ran there and back a little, another boy was talking (but pretty quietly), they were about the age of your children, about 2-3-4. They were dressed so nicely, all Sunday :). NOBODY was upset with them, and they were like a natural addition to the sermon, the sunrays coming through the stained window glass, all lit with such a joy. A little boy came to several people, petting their knees, and saying something, and adults bent over, to respond him quietly... closer to the end of the sermon, everybody stood up, and they started taking each other by hand, holding hands in rows, and the ones at the end of the row held hands with the person in the next row, so such a chain of united in praying song formed, and these little angel-kids came by adults, and took their hands also, so they were IN the circle, so to say.It was so nice of them to invite us two total strangers into the hand-holding circle also. We could not sing with them not knowing words, but our hearts were definitely singing along. It was SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MORNING~!!! I have never seen such solution before, but it was so good. It seems the only thing parents taught to their little ones was that they need to move quietly and talk quietly, and they got this message well.
Can you imagine, all your energy is stirring for motion, and you must stay put and still and totally quiet on one spot? It is as if we are almost asking for impossible.
I am also very sad that your husband gets upset! Are children not given him (you both) by God, to love and nurture, and raise and enjoy life together?
If it IS impossible in your church to arrange a happy environment for adults as well as children (like in that church in Vienna), maybe you need to take turns with your husband and go one Sunday alone with the baby, and another Sunday to let him go without all his happy family; or, maybe some relatives once in-a-while could help and stay with kids at home for couple hours...
I understand, it is a hard decision,
but I can hardly imagine 2-4 year olds sitting still for over an hour, no-talk, no-move, where it is mostly a place where they do not understand anything, except for maybe, if there is the time when the organ music plays (but then again, they will feel like they want to dance, which those Austrian kids did and it was beautiful.
In any case, be Your HOLIDAYS happy, and bless you all! M.

I am in exactly the same situation. I have a 4 yr old, 2 yr ild & a baby. I feel your pain! You have a lot of good advice already so I'll make this brief. Here's what has worked best for me -
1) I have a bag of toys they only get on Sunday - keeps the toys fresh & helps keep the kids interested longer.
2) If one gets rowdy, I leave the other 2 with my husband and take the other one out, but I don't let them play (you don't want them misbehaving to get out because it's fun out there). I hold them & walk around until they calm down & then take them back in.
3) If #2 fails or if they get so crazy or defiant that they need a time out, I take them out to our car, put them in their car seat, get in the front seat of the car & ignore them for a few minutes. I've only had to do this once or twice - it leaves an impression.
4) We all need to give ourselves a break. It's a tough age & we will eventually get through it. The kids do their best & even at that it's tough. So don't expect perfection & hang on for dear life. :) - Oh and ignore any comments others might make. We have a couple at church that constantly make reference to our "lack of parenting skills." I have learned to laugh it off. They're not in our shoes & I know we're doing our best - so I've learned to let it go. Good luck!

Hi H.,
If they have a nursery that would be the best however, We take colors, pens, pencils, and papers so they have something to do. I have seen parents bring small snacks also. I all ways say shhhhhh,,, and explain why, even with all the stuff, it has paid off, my youngest grand child is 5 and he his doing a lot better. Just, a lot of patience and prayers. But, try the writing and coloring, it usually helps alot. a water bottle of juice. Most churches do not mind that as long as it is not grape juice. Good luck and God Bless.

Hi H., There is an excellent child-rearing resource that will help you with this issue and then some! Go to www.nogreaterjoy.org. Order the $5.00 book To Train Up A Child. This is written with Christian values. You might also buy the book Created To Be His Helpmeet - it transforms marriages. Blessings to you! R.

you might consider making some portable flannelboard kits that are curch related. your two oldest would probably love them. they are really easy to make also. basically print out any pictures and use fabric glue to glue them onto pices of felt or flannel. then just cover a piece of thin cardboard (like a cereal box) with flannel. the pictures stick to the board and they can entertain themselves with the pitures. some other quite activities are things like lacing cards, magnetic picture books/kits, small peg puzzles, paper doll figures that you can change the clothes on, etc. just make sure each child has something of their own or they may fight over it. i had a really hard time with this for a while too, but eventually my son grew out of it and does much better. and if one starts to do better the other one seems to follow suit pretty quickly. i hope these ideas help!

First of all, when they are disruptive and rowdy you need to take them out of sacrament meeting. This needs to be done out of respect of the other congregation and so that your children know when they are behaving badly. If at all possible find an empty class room or some quiet, out of the way spot in your church. Take your children there with no toys, no activities, and no snacks. I would make my children sit on a hard, cold metal chair or table and make sure they understood what they were doing and that it was not acceptable. I would make them sit there with their arms folded until they agreed to behave and come back in to sacrament meeting. One time I had to take one child out 4 times during the meeting! However, they learned quickly that being in sacrament meeting was better than not being in sacrament meeting (there are activities, snacks, and soft benches in sacrament meeting). It's harder with a baby, but it can be done. The baby can come with the naughty child if needed. Just make sure you stay focused and firm.

It is also essential at this age to have engaging quiet activities for your children in church. I also found bringing a water bottle and snacks helped a lot. The are more cooperative when they aren't hungry and have something to occupy their attention. It's a good idea to bring activities that they can only do at church and to rotate the activities so they don't get bored.

I would encourage you to use the nursery and children's church for the quiet time during the sermons. Healthy awake children are unable to behave well enough not to be distracting to the parents and all those around. I don't see how you can do it without those amenities. Maybe drive separately and then take turns with one of you leaving when the sermon starts. Maybe as the 3 and 4 year olds get older you can take enough quiet activities and cheerios to keep them occupied enough not to be a distraction. Maybe try keeping just the older one at the service while the other two are taken home. One on one could possible work, but is still hard for 4 year olds to sit still for that length of time. I hope you have nursery and children's church available -they are very worthwhile to the child, the parent, and the rest of the congregation who is trying to stay focused. If not, maybe you can start them! It's a lot of fun to work in those departments.

When my children were younger (I had 4 children ages 4 1/2 and younger), we also had a struggle. We did a lot of things others have mentioned like bring coloring and snacks. We also made it more pleasurable to be in the meeting than out in the foyer. However, another thing we did was to "practice" church before we went. We had them sit on the couch and show us how we should act in church. This got them in the right mind set for reverence. If they happened to misbehave, we would "practice" church afterward. They are older now and still sometimes need to be reminded. I usually remind them to go into "reverence mode" before we enter the building and they remember why they're there. Good luck!

Keep going! The most helpful thing is to keep the habit of regular church attendance and to keep trying. Sporadic attendance makes it worse.

Second most helpful thing is to have a positive attitude about it and get husband to have a more positive attitude. That may mean pretending that it is a great a pleasant thing to go to church at first, even if you don't feel like it. The kids will notice your attitude. If they see you are frustrated they will continue trying to exasperate you. But if they see that you are happy and eager to go than they will begin to feel that way themselves and behave better.

Third, go prepared. I don't like toys at church. They don't encourage reverence, they encourage imagination and that's not usually quiet. I don't like snacks either, though I know many moms thinks it helps with keeping kids quiet. I think snacks create messes and fighting and whining. The goal is not just to keep them quiet but to teach them why we are at church so prepare yourself with pictures, books, or coloring pages that deal with church topics or religious themes. This is something I feel strongly about so I create my own little simple flip books with pictures of Jesus so we can talk about why we are there. We also use church magazines and scripture story books. The Friend Magazine has a coloring page in each issue of the past year that you can print for free from home. I print multiples of those. Just be aware that too many things in the bag backfire and cause restlessness and lots of talking. I take 2 things per kid. I also tell my kids that I want them to sit quietly and listen to the speaker without those things for one minute for every year old they are. Which means that I expect my 5 year old to sit quietly without a distraction for 5 full minutes before we pull out the crayons and pictures for her. And my 3 year old sits quietly for 3 minutes. And there was a time when we would practice that every day of the week so that we'd be prepared for Sunday.

Fourth, I find it helpful for me to sit up in the front, corner of the meeting. It's counter-intuitive because if feels like you may want to be near the back so you can sneak out if you need to but that's where the other families with kids are and I like my kids to stay away from them. My kids are less reverent around the other kids and behave better for me when they are near the walls and can't see the other kids as well.

Fifth, I disagree with the comment by another mom that you need to take the kids out. Are you bothered by the other families' kids? Probably not as much as you are with your own. Know that most everyone else feels the same toward you and your family. They are probably not as bothered by your kids as you are. Keep your kids in church. I know parents who take their kids out at the tiniest little peep and then they end up spending their entire church time in the halls forever and ever. Don't start that cycle. And if you already have, then change what you've been doing. Obviously you have to take them out for extreme behavior but most likely that extreme behavior can be prevented (by coming prepared) and if you have to take them out than do the "church time-out" as another mom described with a chair in the corner of an empty classroom. But don't take them out for the little things. Work through those quickly and quietly. Then your kids will learn that church is important, Mom's not going to take me out, this place is okay, and they'll learn to behave. If you take your kids out of church often then your kids learn how to get you to take them out. If you teach them that your family stays in church and that they need to behave a certain way than they will learn to behave. However, EXPECT that when you change your routine the first couple of weeks will be EXTRA hard. Kids to work extra hard to get you to do the same thing you've always done when begin to change your behavior. Hold your ground or you'll be teaching them to REALLY misbehave. If you stick to it than they'll learn to behave and it will get easier and easier with each week.

I have no intention to have my daughter attend service with me until she is five years old. Making a 2 yr old sit through an hour of service is not a reasonable expectation. Their attention spans are too short. Why is it important to you that a 2 year old sit through the service? They don't understand the purpose of the sacraments and they are too young to participate on any meaningful level. Too many parents I meet bring infants and toddlers because they feel peer pressure from the rest of the congregation. Its a loose-loose situation. The little ones are confused, frustrated, and resentful and the other adults are distracted from their worship. If your church does not have a nursery room program -- start one. Other mothers will appreciate it!

One of the best pieces of advice that I've heard form other moms is to have a "diaper bag" of rotational activities. Meaning, that you have lots of things that are quiet and interesting to the children, but they aren't all in the bag every week, so they don't get bored with them--you rotate them out every couple of weeks. When I was younger my mom helped us all make a picture book of Jesus. There were lots and lots of pages that we "scrapbooked" (glued down :o)) onto colored pages and put in sheet protectors and in a binder. Then at church we could look through at all the different pictures. There are nice foam puzzle books--stories that have little foam pieces that pop out and in that are entertaining. Be sure to include lots of crayons and drawing paper because that helps occupy time as well. Invest in or make a cloth book with different things to do in it like tying shoes, or moving an object from one pocket to another, "pages" with different textures. There are also these plastic animal shapes with holes around the edges that you can take a shoe lace and "lace up"--kind of like connect the dots but hands on. Bring big block puzzles to do, or finger puppets. They are at such a young age that while we do wish they would listen, we can't expect them to, so to keep them quiet they need to be entertained. Don't worry--they'll get the spiritual intake later in life :) and they still have ears to hear and hearts to feel, so they'll know when the spirit is present. Good luck! I hope it helps.

Here is my experience: Do not bring toys with you to church. The kids will think it is playtime and they only get louder. I've also started to restrict the amount of snacks I bring. I have three kids 5, 2, and 6 months. I bring paper for them to color on and the magazine my church puts out for children (my older child looks at it and colors in it). This has been mentioned before, but children learn by example. The more reverent you try to be the more reverent they will learn to be. It drives me crazy when people sit and chat during meetings. It's rude and irreverent. If your kids do get out of hand. Take them out and do not let them run around. Give them time out or hold them so they can't move. It's not fun and they soon learn that it is more fun to be inside coloring. Oh and I also try to get my older child to color a picture of something she hears said during the meeting.

Good luck. It's not easy, but it will pay off in the end.

H., I'm a mom of three wonderful boys (ages 4, 3 and 19 mos.) and go to church every sunday as well. I know what you're going trough. I try to remind my kids during the week that church is a place where we show reverence. We use our quite voices. Reminding them might help but when you are in that specific hour you have to remind yourself and your hubby that the more you show your frustration, the more the kids will misbehave. Take extra snacks to keep them entertained. I take books and coloring books that are age appropiate for each one of them. Remember yourself that you're not alone and not the only one with rowdy kids at church. It happens to all of us at one point. Good luck!

I have 6 kids, and most of the advice you've gotten is good. May I add: 1st set a smaller goal to start. Reverence at least through the most sacred part of the service. In our church that is towards the beginning. Pat yourself on the back if you can make it through that part quietly. Praise them when they're being good.
2nd, I made a little scrapbook for church. The first pages are baby Jesus, then some as he's growing, through his life. There are many nice postcard-sized pictures at Deseret Book, Seagull, or the LDS Distribution Center. My book was 4x6 or so. Small enough for the diaper bag. I added pictures later of other leaders of our church - past and present. I also included people who love them. FAMILY!

I think of the words to a song, Reverence is love. I'm trying to teach them not just to be quiet, dangit!!! But to have happy thoughts. The book did wonders for me. Good luck! Remember you are not alone.

The more you go, the better they will get, because they will get used to the atmosphere. Try simple things. Number one, pack that diaper bag with lots of quiet entertaining things; coloring books, magna doodles, dolls, cars etc. Number two, bring lots of snacks, and always have a drink. I know it would be nice if they would sit and listen and get the same out of the sermon you and your husband do, but they are young and it is hard on them. So if they are being quiet and entertained at least you can, and they will start becoming accustomed to how to behave. Also make them a church rule chart, put it in the bag and show it to them before church, if they follow all your rules, give them a reward as soon as you are done, like stickers, suckers etc. When they are misbehaving, pull out the rules and show it too them. Better yet, leave them out during church as a reminder.

Projects! Crayons, coloring books, blank paper to draw on, tic-tac-toe with sibling....when I lived in ks. we went to a church where they handed a small bag with these kinds of items in them to the children as they entered the church. They have fun, keep quieter, and don't look at church as a negative, as they get older and can sit still and start to listen then they will. Good luck and have fun.
S. M

Contact Alli O if you can. She has some folders that she made that will help. Basically, quiet books and activity folders. You can also try what my mom did to me. When I would misbehave, she would ask in a very serious tone, "Do I need to take you to the bathroom?" I never made it to the bathroom because I was so scared of what might happen. And your threat doesn't have to be to the bathroom. My mom said that the closest she had to go was, "That's it! We are going to the bathroom!" We begged her not to take us, and she would then say that we only have one more chance and that would be it.

I feel your pain. My husband is in the leadership of our church and sits on the stand with other leaders during the hour that the children need to be the most reverent. I have a 3 (almost 4 year old) and an 18 month old.

We have started from square one with high expectations of their behavior for this time of church. We have talked about it at home and had lessons on what behaviors are acceptable. My son didn't seem to understand what whispering was and so we had a family lesson about voice levels (yelling, talking, whispering, singing, etc.). My suggestion is to be very specific with your kids - even though they are young they are very specific learners. You might be surprised at how much they will understand when you explain things to them. Set up your family room like church and practice in short time increments. Practice sitting very still during prayers no matter where you are, then when you are at church you know that they will be still and quiet at least during prayers.

Also, have a "go-to" bag full of church appropriate activities. I feel like it is okay to have activities for them because they are far too young to sit and listen. We take books (ones they like and are familiar with and the best one is a cheerios book where you fill in the missing cheerios), coloring, small snacks and a quiet book. If you prefer church related things I have seen wonderful things at bookstores and have also seen mothers make their own books of church related pictures and short captions that the children like to learn and repeat.

We also sit on a side bench with only one opening. Since we are one parent with two kids I feel I have more control and they are free to move in the bench where ever they would like (They know they have to sit on the bench with their arms folded and quiet during prayers - its kind-of our reset to good behavior).

When their behavior is unacceptable we take them out of the meeting and into an area with no people to discipline. We use time-outs at home and so we also use this at church (consistency). I feel its important to make the time when you take them out no fun. I have seen kids that act up because they know they will get to go out and run around and "play". We make the time out of the meeting as learning opportunity with no playing and usually they want to go back in where the books and snacks are.

My only other suggestion is to stay consistent. Take some time and talk with your husband about what you would like to happen, how you want to execute it and what the consequences will be. It is always a good idea to be unified in execution and discipline so your kids know they will get the same reaction from each parent.

Good luck and remember that a little prayer can go a long way!

Hi H.,
I have two grandchildren 2 and 4, and our church has an awesome children's program. If you would like a little peace of mind and time to worship, Southeast Christian on Jordan Rd in Parker is great. Check their website by highlighting and copying to search:
http://sechristian.org/ChildrenStudents/Birthto4yearsold/...
Hope that they can minister to your needs...

Blessings,
C.

Hi H.. That is a hard one that a lot of people are stuggling with these days. This is one area where I actually took my Grandmother's advice...LOL She pointed out to me that children were taught how to behave in public (in her day) not just expected to, and that children weren't always entertained but rather had to learn to cope with the quiet times. Way easier said than done!!! One trick that worked for me was taking my girls out..to the store,library etc., for some practice. I told them we were to be quiet and walk with folded arms, using polite whisper voices to interact with each other. They loved this "game" and if we all did well we would get a reward when it was over, such as pick out a book or treat. The hard part was sticking to it every time we went to the store. But now they look at other children racing around the store and point out to me how that is not an OK way to act in the store, that is how we act in the yard. This is just one idea but it worked well for us. My daughters are awesome at the library, retaurants, school, and my life is much more pleasant because of it.

I raised 3 daughters in church from birth. I started from the time they were little and two of them was a set of twins. It is possible to teach them to be reverent. I whisper to them and tell them to use their quiet voices. I also put my finger over their mouths and say that to them. I hold their hands together when they pray in the service. All of this is repetative and work, but it does sink in. If they don't after a fashion of trying, I have swatted a leg, or took them out of the service, but I don't let them play outside the service either I continued to teach them that church is our quiet times and respecting God's house. I hope this helps. K

Dear H.,
Bless you! It is definitely a trying time to figure out ways to have children do what seems to be against their nature! We had similar problems with our five children. We found that if they acted out, it helped for us to take them in the foyer and have them sit with their arms folded. If they did not do it themselves we often had to help them to sit still, but we really tried not to let them get up and move around. Our goal was to try to make it more fun/desirable for them to be quietly and nicely sitting in the meeting with coloring books, or magnadoodles (which have been worth their weight in gold for our little ones), or church themed books, some of them made from inexpensive picture albums with pictures from religious catalogs that they cut out themselves or that we made, together. Than it was to be outside with nothing, and not even the freedom to move around. This worked the best with the children that were two and older. With the younger ones, it was a game of "what else can we find to keep you quietly distracted?", but often the books or magnadoodles worked with them, too. It is not always picture perfect, and a lot depends on the time of day and their nap schedules colliding with meeting times. (My husband has become an expert at getting the kids to sleep when they need it by finding a boring corner, out of they way, and rocking them- often they will protest for a while- until they calm down enough to fall asleep. You may miss much of the meeting, but you are establishing lasting habits that will reward you an hundredfold! Truly, bless you, and your husband, for all of your efforts! It is well worth the fight. (And the older siblings can help, too as they get older. It does get easier.)

Best wishes, my heart goes out to you, truly!

Sincerely,
H.

H.... remember that your kids are still kids and it's really hard to sit still. Studies show that children have about a 2-5min attention span for every year of life so an hour of being reverent is a lot harder than you think. I would suggest bringing some quiet books (the ones with little activities inside) for each child. Usually having the kids pick their books is better. Take coloring books for the older two with crayons so they don't make a mess.
If you are LDS (kinda sounds like you are...)talk to your boys about how they should wait to play with stuff until after Sacrament then after that they can play quietly. If they get roudy then take their toys and have them sit in your lap (i know thats hard with 3).

My kids like to look at pictures, so I took the gospel art kit and let them pick a few pictures on saturday night. We put them in page protectors in a binder (or not) and put it in the baby bag. They can look at it all they want. Also, I let them draw on Aquadoodles (little ones). I don't think it is reasonable to ask such tiny kids to sit perfectly still the whole time, but they absolutely need to see that you go even though it is difficult.

You've gotten a lot of good advice, but I'll add my two cents. I have 3 little ones and my husband sits on the stand during the meeting so I'm on my own. There are some days that we do really well and others that I don't get much out of the meeting, but it is definitely important to be consistent in going every week. I've found it helpful to be prepared as much as possible the night before and make sure we have enough time so we're not rushed before going to church. We're all in a better mood and more relaxed that way. Also, every Sunday on the drive to church we talk about how we should act and review the expectations--from folding arms during prayers, whispering, and waiting until after the Sacrament to get into the diaper bag. We also review any problems we had the previous week and how we can handle those situations appropriately. One other thing that helped tremendously is when I finally realized that less is more. Meaning, bringing fewer things helped us be more reverent (otherwise we were constantly switching things around and asking for more food). I bring one package of fruit snacks for each kid (that's our special treat that we rarely have at home) and one of the small travel size magna doodle drawing pads for each kid (which are also reserved for Sundays). After the Sacrament, the kids know they can quietly get their snack and their drawing pad. There aren't fights over who gets which book/activity/crayons, etc. and they know I don't have any more snacks so they don't ask anymore. We still have our struggles with reverence sometimes, but knowing the expectations and limiting the activities have helped a lot. Be patient as you make the changes that work best for your family and remember that it takes time to establish new routines and habits. Hang in there and good luck! I figure anything worth teaching is bound to take a good amount of effort. :)

Starting around 2 we take a "church bag" with us. It's just a little backpack of quiet entertainment. Special coloring books, magna doodles, books, sometimes trucks, depending on the child and their chosen noise level, etc. They only get to see these toys at church. That has helped us a lot. Also, using the bag as practice at the dr.'s office, etc. Anytime you can find to help them practice will help. You might also be able to come up with something, that if they have to be taken out for disruption, would be such a deterrent that they only do it once. GL It's a challenge.

1.Sit in the back. People who don't want to be distracted by kids sit in the front. People in the back have noisy kids of their own and are more understanding.
2. If the 1 hour block is at the end of church,...you need to lower your expectations.
3. Make sure your kids are well fed before church.

This is what my parents did: no toys/no snacks/sit right behind the noisiest family at the church - then your kids will be quiet and entertained and you don't have to do anything.

This is what my husband's parents did (they had 4 boys all 2 years apart): if they weren't quiet at church, they'd have to sit on a bench at home reverently for an equal amount of time . His mom usually did this on monday afternoon when they'd normally be out playing.

This is what I do:
1-strict about reverence til the end of (and esp during) the sacrament.
2-snacks that I let them serve themselves - usually goldfish crackers. I bring a water bottle that they can share.
3-board books
4-coloring books - (they sell a marker/coloring book set where the marker will only color on the pages of the book. So when my kid colors on his shirt or the pew, nothing happens.)
I hold the markers. (and usually the lids of the markers in use.)Each kid only gets one color at a time. My kids are so little that even getting and giving markers to mommy is a fun game. They feel like I'm paying attention to them when really I'm listening to the sermon.
5-for reasons unknown, my kids do much better on the chairs than on the pews. The pews seem to be an invitation to crawl under and explore.
6-my husband gets annoyed, too. Remind him that your kids are actually doing really well for their ages. Talk to him about expectations and attention spans. Sometimes I feel pressured that it's my responsibility alone to keep the kids quiet. That's just not true - hubby is just as responsible for the kids. That said, hubby usually has higher expectations. I always tell hubby when the kids have met my expectations: "My goal was to keep them quiet during the sacrament." "My goal was to keep them from running down the isles"...etc.

Church is right in the middle of my 16-mo old's naptime! She refuses to fall asleep unless her daddy is holding her. This happens only at church. I have no idea why.

Our church has Sunday School and child care, it is to much to ask of young children to be quiet for that long. Maybe look for another church in your area at least for a few years.

H.,
I just saw a couple in IHOP with the greatest things. They were large cardboard books. They used a dry eraser and also had magnetic pages. They had two little ones around your two older childrens ages. I was talking to the mom and she told me they left them in the trunk of their car to have when they went to places like that. It makes it a special treat for the kids so they are excited to have them. They sat near us and I didn't hear a peep from those little ones. I asked where they got them because I want a couple for when my son is older. They got them at Big Lots. Also our church has little bags at the front of the church with a few crayons and some paper. You could also carry some of that in your purse.

H.,
Wow! I am SO glad that I am not alone on this situation. :) I have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old and one on the way. I have tried many things, and just recently I have made some file folder games for them to play with.(finchfamilygames.com but I reccommend getting ones with a cd rom so you don't have to color every picture. I did that for one bunch and it took forever!) My husband plays the organ in our ward so I have to sit alone with the kids. It gets very tireing. These folders have worked well for us though. I also really try to limit the treats to later in the meeting so that they aren't being loud with them. Another thing I have found is it really makes a difference who we sit by. If we sit by a family that is very strict on their kids being reverent, our kids tend to do better. I think that if you are going to take them out of the meeting, make sure they don't get to run around, get a drink, and that it is not fun. I know that I leave church often wondering why we even go, but I know I am setting a good foundation for my children and teaching them that on Sundays, we go to church. I hope this was helpful. ~Mandy C.

I think an hour is expecting way to much of your little ones, one hour is the equivalent of 12 hours to us grown-ups and nobody expects us to sit still that long. Maybe find a babysitter until they are a little older.

An hour is a long time to expect 2 and 4 year olds to be quiet. But, try and take non-messy snacks, quiet toys, coloring books & crayons. Your 4 year old might be old enough for a Leapster, you can mute that and it may keep her entertained.
Would it be possible for you or your husband to take the kids out of the church for part of that time? Like to a basement or other room or outside? I just have a hard time imagining keeping kids those ages "reverent" for an hour.
Good luck!!