Little Ones in Church

I don't remember having to sit through a full adult service until I was a teenager (out of grade school). I believe I was always in a Sunday School program while my parents attended the regular service. I would look into that because no kid should have to sit quietly for an extended period of time. I doubt they really understand what is being said anyway.

If you really think they should be sitting with you, then bring some activities to keep them occupied.

We're Catholic, so I tell my dd to keep an eye on the priest and when he leaves, she's allowed to leave too. She usually gets antsy and wants to leave by communion, but having her keep an eye on the priest gives her something to do.

i take a pack of markers and a notebook for my 7 year old to draw during church...he writes stories and draws pictures to go with them....keeps him pretty quiet!!!

Does your church have child care, Sunday School or Children's Church during regular services? She would really benefit from being in an environment made for children and YOU would get more out of your time at church too if you didn't have to hush her and worry that she is being disruptive.

I have told my two kids, ages 4 & 5 that church is God's house & we are guests. We are to be respectful while there. That means that we are there to listen to God's words. They are allowed to talk in church to tell me that they are sick or need to go potty & that is it. Anything else can wait and if they do have to tell me those things, then they must whisper like the library. So that has cut down on talking & if they forget, then I just put a finger on my mouth. I make no sound just a little head shake of no. Now, I have explained that God is responsible for all that we have & church is where we hear his word & thank him for all h e has given us & I have told both my kids that church is not all about them or me. It is about God. I expect them to sit & stand like everyone else, but while sitting I will cuddle with them or they can bring one quiet toy like a doll, action figure, book,etc... Now, they tried me to see what would happen if they did act up & I take them to the back of the church & I let them know that they are being disrespectful to not only me, but everyone there & God himself & I will not accept it. I then give them a choice, go back in & act properly and have a nice day or go back in but in the baby room & when we get home we will spend the rest of the day giving them plenty of practice of doing for others since they are having such a hard time of it now. This lets them know that no matter what we are staying and that I feel very strongly about respecting God especially in his house. so far, I have been in the back 3 times & all three times they chose well. Both understand fully how they are to behave & both have the capacity, it is the will that is tricky. Just a test, ask your daughter to tell you what church rules are & I bet she can without hesitation. There are things in life that we may not like doing, but are required to do & I find this is just one of those things. I remember being a kid in church & how boring it was, but I learned too. I heard those words year after year & I have found peace in my faith & I want that for my kids too. Hope this helps. I know this can read like I'm so rigid & mean, but I stay very mellow, just matter of fact. Best of luck.

I am both a children's minister and the mother of two young children (4 &6) who sit with me in church not every week (we have children's classes most of the time), but frequently. Here are a few things that I have learned from my own children and others. Of course it is important to make sure your daughter's physical needs are met before expecting her to sit in church. Eat breakfast before you go and go to the bathroom immediately before walking into the sanctuary. Do pack an activity bag including a water bottle and tissue. Also, include activities that your child likes to do and can do on her own. It is helpful if they are activities reserved only for church time; that way she is excited to do the activities. Save the activities for the hardest time for your daughter to be quiet. We give activities only when the sermon starts. Children love music and can learn a lot from the songs in church. Also, explain each thing as it happens. Have her sit close and whipser, "The pastor is going to pray now. He is thanking God for all he has given us. We can pray quietly here." Etc. Allow your daughter to participate in as much as possible in the service. We have a time when we greet people in our church. Our girls look forward to this time even though they only will greet their grandparents who they see every day! :-) Contrary to what people may think, kids can get a lot out of attending an adult worship service. Durring advent last December, I had the opportunity to explain "hope" to my 4 year old when she saw the candle-lighting and started asking questions. I teach - and strongly believe in - age-appropriate biblical teaching, but children can also learn that God is not just a childhood phase when they can watch their parents worshiping and learning.

I think at 6 your child should start to be able to sit through church quietly. And she won't learn how to do it if she's not exposed to it. Having said that, I don't think you can really expect her to pay attention. I agree with the other posts that you should bring an activity like a coloring book or something that keeps her attention, and maybe even a small snack (Cheerios, or something similar) to help with the boredom. It may take some patience on your part and those around you, but I think most people have had to orient their children to church and will be understanding. Some won't, but perhaps you can tell them you are saying a prayer for their patience : )

Good luck. It will be good in the long run.

l

Greetings Latinapreneur: When our 5 were young and into their pre-teens we had this experiance often so my heart understands.
We did a couple of things that may help you. 1. we went when the church was not having services and "practiced respect in church", sometimes Dad or I gave a talk or we had the child give one, this seemed to help in understanding what the services were meant to be for them and taught them to listen for that still small voice in their hearts.2. we brought quiet church related things they could do like bible stories, pictures of the Savior, and Biblecolor/activity books (I get them at the dollar tree nowdays for the grandchildren 3. we taught them sign language so they could ask questions quietly that save the hush and no from me.4. I let them put on a favorite movie and every few minuets interupted and helped them see that it wasn't poliet when others were trying to listen to make noise. It has been hard at times esp when a child says "Mom he's breathing my air" and all the pews start laughing, but all well worth it. Keep trying and don't give up. This will be a funny memory someday! Nana Glenda

Updated

Greetings Latinapreneur: As the mother of 5 we have had this experiance. I can share a few things that we did that helped us. 1. We went to the chapel when their was no one there and had family church. Dad or I gave a talk and one of the children would give one as well. This taught them how to show respect and to learn to listen to the spirit of meetings.2. We had activity books that wee church related when they got bored bible stories, bible color/activitiy books- that can now be gotten at the dollar tree,pictures of the Savior doing things that they could see and think about.3. we taught them sign language so they did not disturb people if they needed to talk- it helped to stop the hush/no from us as parents and they are pretty good at it now as adults.4. we waited until they were watching a favorite show and would interupt and ask questions- we then talked about howthey could sit for 1 1/2 hours watching a movie without getting up for the drinks and bathroom and how it felt to be distracted from listening. This was a big item to learn from. It wasn't always easy once we had a child loudly proclaim"Mom he's breathing my air" and everyone in the pews in front and behind us laughed. Someday you will havethis as I do a great memory but please don't give up andbe patient as Heavenly Father is with us. Nana Glenda

So many churches these days offer children's programs. My kids get checked into their classes that teach them about the bible at their level. Have you thought of changing to a church that has a program like that?

Does your church have a children's church that your child is able to attend? Maybe letting her get involved would make her more interested. If not, then bring something to keep her occupied. Some suggestions: coloring book & crayons, her own Bible, etc.

I did a variety of thngs at that age. I put my son in Children's Church/Sunday School sometimes and I also brought him with me sometimes (and especially special occasions, Christmas, Easter etc.) so he could learn the respect and discipline. I talked to him before we went in every time about how to be respectful to God for that time period and what I would do when we first started attending church is I would tell him if he was good for the first 1/2 hour I would let him play with one of his action figures. (I know this is very unconventional but he is 9 now and very respectful of church and can sit still without any toy or lifesaver for a whole service) Make it fun. Tell her everytime they say Amen she can say it out loud and she will start to listen for the Amens etc. Have fun and God Bless you!

If you answer her question, does she keep asking it? Sometimes children need a set, consise answer. Their brains are growing leaps and bounds, and they don't always understand why they have to be quiet or respectful at this age.
I think if you give her an answer like, "church gets over in __ minutes, darling, but until then we need to stay quiet so that we don't bother other people who are trying to listen," then she will be more willing to quiet down a bit.
Young minds are thirsting for answers and I think this will satisfy her need for an answer- and keep you from being embarrassed. :)
Good luck!

When my kids were little I would pack a small church bag with drawing things in it and quiet time game books. At 6 it is hard for them to understand the adult sermons, but it is a good time to teach them that sometimes being quiet and silently entertaining yourself is possible. A word search bible book is sold in bible stores and they also have other lap game books for 6 year olds.

I have a hard time as well - I have a 7 year old and a 3 1/2 year old, so I know what you're talking about! I let them bring books, and that has actually worked out really well. In your case, I would start by giving her the answer to her question - what time is it over - and I would think about giving her a watch. I don't think it's realistic for a child that age to sit silently through church. Let's face it - it's not that interesting to them. I remember being a kid and it feeling like an eternity. So I would advise you to feel for her and bring a few quiet things for her to use during church. Good luck!!!

Little kids learning to sit still and be quiet is such an important thing for them to learn whether it's a church service, a wedding, baptism, etc. My friend has a little "church" tote bag that she takes. It has paper, pencils, mints, a few crackers, a bottle of water. It cuts down on the "I need a drink", etc. The kid can quietly help themself to whatever is in the bag.
I really like the idea of letting your daughter wear a watch and learn to tell time, but beware of saying "church is over at noon", because sometimes things run over a bit and you might have a child asing a zillion questions about why it's not over when it's supposed to be.
I personally don't think that expecting a 6 year old to sit at least semi-still, quietly for an hour is too much, but that AND actually listening and paying attention IS asking a bit much. Especially if the message is geared more toward adults, wherever it may be.
I visited a church and all they talked about one Sunday was making sure everyone got out and voted against gay marriage and sinful fornication, etc. I'm not even going to enter into a debate about any of that, but I will say I wouldn't have wanted a 6 year old hearing it. I wish I, myself, hadn't heard it, to be honest. I'm in no hurry to go back for a visit, let's leave it at that.
Maybe your church has a children's ministry that you approve of and your daughter can go there during the adult stuff.
But, religion aside, you can certainly practice with your daughter how to be patient and wait quietly, whether it be at a doctor appointment, the DMV, a restaurant....basically anyplace you need your child to behave until it's time to leave. Respect for others and good manners don't begin or end with church, it should be expected as part of daily life. Regardless of what religion you are.
I hope you get some great advice.

if they have a childrens day care during church use it. church to a kid is long and boring and makes no sense to them. If not always keep pens and paper and let her draw my parents and grandparents did it with me. for a 6 yr old to comprehend what is geared to adults isn't going to happen. if she can play with toys quietly let her bring some toys. MY church has a certain guide they follow if this is the case in your church tell her like when they do this its almost over. Give her something to watch for as a clue its almost over.

since shes not quit old enough to comprehend time you might give her a watch and say when the little hand reached here church will be over. so she can look for herself and answer her own question. She will stay quiet cause shes focusing on the watch when shes bored.

Does your church have a children's ministry that she can go to instead of actually sitting with you in the service? Six years old is still kind of little to be sitting still for long periods of time. At my church, we have a nursing mom's room, a nursery for babies 6 months to 3 years old, and then children's ministry for kids 3 years to 11 years old. They have teachers that teach them Bible stories, do Bible crafts with them, sing songs, and give them snacks. Our services only last about an hour, but the kids have a great time. I would look into maybe starting a children's ministry at your church if you don't have one. Your child will definitely benefit from it. When your child gets older and is able to sit still and be quiet, then she can join you and the other adults. Good luck!

We had a talk in Relief Society one time about how to train your kids to sit in Church. The mom had 8 kids (only 1 girl) and they were always well behaved. Our service starts at 9:30am and is over at by 10:45am, then the kids go to Primary. During the week she would have her kids sit in their little chairs and practice, with the goal being to sit quietly for 15 minutes. That is about how long it takes to pass Sacramant. When they were small she, of course, didn't expect them to be able to do it for some time but they did practice every day. The kids all did this even when they were older just to keep everyone on the same page, at this time they also teach about reverence, and how to show respect to others around them, to understand what is expected of them. The children had other things to do during the rest of the service. The family rule was to go to the bathroom right before the service started and get a drink too. They didn't need to interupt everyone by getting up and down. They sat in the front and only Mom could go in and out with the nursing baby or an unruly child. Dad sat with the others and kept them quiet.

There are little books you can buy, or sew, for your little ones called activity books. They have buttons and button holes, zippers, velcro closures, hidden pictures under flaps, etc...they can be adjusted to your childs age by just thinking up something she likes.

Simplicity 3709 is what I am talking about, you can sometimes find them at craft fairs or make one yourself.

Along with other quiet toys and maybe some cereal like Cheerios (they clean up easier than tutti frutti's because no dust) can help her to pass time and be quieter. You could always take her out early and sit in the foyer area where you can still hear but she can move around a bit more.

I have a church bag for my 5 year old. He is allowed to get up and move around while the music is going on (just in front of his seat). When the pastor starts the sermon, I let him get into his church bag and he has to be quiet. I do let him get on his knees in front of his seat to color. He has a baggie of colors, coloring book, plain paper, pipe cleaners. I've seen some patterns for quiet books and a seek and find bean bag type of thing I want to make. Just haven't done it yet :) I know we want our kids to learn to sit quietly and be respectful but it is really hard at this age. I did this same thing with my 10 year old and within a year or 2 he was ready to sit and listen. Maybe use a pen and paper to draw every once in a while but nothing major. Also - what about giving her a watch or something like that and draw a picture showing what time (or there about) that church will be over so she can watch the time ?

I'm sorry, but at six there is no way she has the attention span to listen to a sermon. I don't really think there's anything you can do to enrich her experience sitting in church hearing the pastor drone on and on about things she cannot understand or follow. Bring her some treats and some coloring to do.

First of all I applaud you for trying to bring spirituality into your child's life. It's so important! I'm not sure what type of church you attend but I can tell you that as a daughter of a Protestant minister and mother of both a 6 and 7 year old, most children this age are much better off in Sunday school rather than sitting through a long sermon. It is just too long for a child to stay focused and most of the information is too sophisticated for the child to understand. Your daughter would have much more fun learning about the bible with other children in Sunday School where they have activities and the lessons are much shorter.

Hushing her and forcing her to sit through something she clearly doesn't have the attention span for isn't going to bring her closer to God. Find a new church with age-appropriate learning that is fun for her. Or accept that she's eventually going to be driven out of God's home by frustration and boredom.

HI Momma-
I can only say that I did not stop sleeping through church until I was an adult. I think that you can get her some exercises or coloring books about the Bible with some great verses and have her work on those. I also think that if you just tell her that it's a surprise and the Pastor of Father will announce the end of service, she might sit quieter with expectation. But do remember that she is six, and sitting through church can be very painful at that age. Encouragement, encouragement, encouragement. If she knows that you want her to be a good listener and practice it with her, then she might go along with it. But you may need to sit near the back and take a mini break, say during a hymn, so that she can stretch her legs and sit through the sermon.
Hope this helps
-E.

Have you asked her why she asks? Is she hungry? Bored? My church (and many that I have visited) have Busy Bags with toys, books, and activities that they "rent" out during the service. Or you can make your own. Six is very young. I sometimes can't make sense of the sermon, much less a 6 year old. She should only stay for opening prayer, music worship and the children's story, then usually the kids at my church leave to go to Sunday school. Does your church not have something similar or do you really want her to sit in the pew with you? Either way seems understandable, but if you want her to be exposed to the actual sanctuary sermon I think it is completely appropriate to give her an activity to do while you listen to the sermon. That way she is there physically and passively taking in the sanctity of the room around her while not being expected to understand everything. At least that way she is exposed to the experience without it being overwhelming for her . . . good luck

Does your church have a Sunday School program? I teach Sunday School at my church and I have 2 boys that are 6 and 8 and while they DO NOT like to sit in church they LOVE Sunday School and learn a lot about God and enjoy doing it. If your church does not have a Sunday School than maybe if you are not to attached to your church you could look for one that does. I also recommend looking for a Vacation Bible School during the summer, it is 1 week(5 days, days only) Kids love it and you do not have to be a member of a church to go to one. Good Luck and let me know if you have any questions.

We bring a bag of toys and snacks to keep the kids occupied. You can fill it with church related coloring books, stories, and "quiet books" (felt type books).

Your daughter sounds like me when I was her age. My Mom would shush me and whisper to be quiet and sit still because everyone was looking and I was making a bad impression. Church was not play time. No toys were allowed. We were in our best clothes, and I could hold a little purse with a coin or two for the collection plate, and that was it. I think once or twice I was allowed to hold a rosary so I could count the beads in my head. Back then in the 60's in our church it was 'children should be seen and not heard' and if anyone acted up, we be dragged out, spanked, then brought back and had to sit quiet in the back the rest of the time, and then apologize to the priest when services were finished. He'd always say to listen to and obey our parents and not to disturb the service so everyone could listen to the sermon. Public embarrassment seemed to keep everyone in line back then. If we were good, everyone would tell our Mom what well behaved children we were, and then we could be proud. It was a different time. It was common to go to service before breakfast, and no one could have anything but juice till we went to Sunday brunch after church.

I remember being bored silly in church growing up. My grandparents always took me to Saturday evening mass, so there was no Sunday school happening at the time. So, I had to sit in mass with my grandparents. However, our church had what was called "The Mother's Room," which was a room with glass windows where you could sit inside and see the altar etc., and the service was broadcast into that room with speakers, but people in the main part of the church couldn't hear babies crying, kids talking, etc. I don't know if you can find a church set up like that, but it might help!

Also when I got old enough to read, my grandmother would buy little religious "I can read" type books. I remember one in particular was the story of the good Samaritan, and I would read it over and over during church. I loved that story! Maybe once your daughter can read independently, that would be enough to keep her occupied.

I have a seven year old and although I started taking him to church when he was younger, I always packed and still do, a little backpack with drawing and coloring things. That helps a lot.

If you have her in the adult sermon, there is nothing there geared for her age. When I was little I would write notes back and forth with Mom or sibs and draw pictures. Sunday school is the place to enrich her experience. That is where she learns about God in child-speak with games and fun. At least that's how I remember it...

I believe it is very disrespectful to stay in services with a child that isn't able to sit still (which is the case of most children under 10). It is equally disrespectful to bring food and toys into the sanctuary. Sounds like your church doesn't have a children's progarm, so I suggest looking for a church that does (so many have wonderful progarms from 3 mos - late teens). If you want to stay in your own church, leave your daughter with a sitter on Sunday, so you can enjoy the message.

Blessings.....

If children's church/Sunday school isn't an option, one book that has a lot of practical suggestions is "Parenting in the Pew" by Robbie Castleman http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Pew-Guiding-Children-Wors... . Our church provides copies of this book to parents in the congregation when their children reach pre-K even though 99% of the Sundays the majority of kids 5th grade and under are in Sunday School or Children's Church.

Don't you have Sunday school? If you don't want her to participate than make sure she has something to color and read. Be willing to leave if she gets disruptive. We have several people in our church that have small children and they are definitely welcome...until they get louder than our pastor. It is hard to ask someone so young to sit still for 10 minutes, much less 60.

Talk to her beforehand on how you expect her to behave and then have some of the things others have suggested to keep her occupied.
I know lots of churches think the children should be in the service, but I think children's church or Sunday school is more appropriate. They can learn about God with age-appropriate activities and lessons. Then they look forward to going.
Victoria

I agree with the activity bag, and I also suggest buying her a watch and teaching her to tell time.

Can she be in Sunday School while you are in church? Or if not, buy an inexpensive watch and teach her the time church is over and she can watch the time herself.
F.

My mother used to bring a pad of paper and a pen with her to church, and maybe a book about children's Bible stories or something similar. We're Catholic, so I had to sit through most of Mass on my own, but then, by the time we were preparing for Communion, I was allowed to draw or read quietly. This helped the time pass without disturbing other church goers. Good luck.