Help with Dealing with My Sister .......

I had a friend like that. One day, I had to sit her down and just tell her, I simply can't afford to be out with the gas money and the money to do things.

Also, tell her you just don't have the energy to do something everyday. I told my friend that I could limit things to once every other week or so. It made what we did better, because it was more well planned and something I actually liked to do as well. Give her a numerical amount of the kind of things you can do at this point and time frames you are able to go, something tangible she can understand.

Don't feel bad telling her no, whether she gets it or not.

You don't have to convince your sister. You have to convince yourself, set your boundaries and stick with them. I'm not sure what your concern actually is. Do you feel guilty saying no? Do you feel sad because you wish you could spend this time with her but know you can't because of lack of money and need for more of a schedule?

I suggest that the first thing that will help is for you to decided what it is that you want and can afford/manage. Then tell your sister. If you don't want to have a discussion about your choices then tell her in a nice way that this is the way it is for now and that talking won't change your mind.

Be warm and friendly. Let her know that you do want to spend some time with her; that you love her and her kids, etc. But that you have to do what is best for you and your family. Don't try to convince her that you're right. This is just the way it is. The two families have different income levels and different needs.

There are many things in our area that are free or have a nominal fee. I don't now how large Angola is but hopefully you can do things together at very little cost. If gas money is a problem for you but not for her, perhaps she could pick you up? Does she have a large enough car? Do talk with her about planning things that you can afford. Parks, swim pools, Parks and Recreation activities.

About being back home for nap and bedtime. Can you make an exception one day in a week and perhaps twice in a month. You don't say how old your child is. My family has often been out all day and the babies nap in their stroller or on a blanket in the park. You may benefit from getting out of your comfort zone from time to time. Doing so will benefit your child too. Too much needing to stick to the tried and true stifles growth.

I suggest that you decide what you want, find a way to feel comfortable with your decision, relax and do what is fun. Tell your sister, if she continues to rag, that takes the fun out of the time you do have together and ask her to stop. IF she doesn't, you may have to stay away from her for awhile. Don't listen to her reasons for doing what she wants if you've found that they don't work out. Say no and stop the conversation.

You are responsible for your happiness and she for hers. Work on finding ways to compromise and have a good time together. Be assertive. Be direct. Be kind. Be loving.

Just tell her that your house runs smoother (and everyone is happier) when you keep to your schedule (more or less--you've gotta have a little flex in there) and that your budget is apparently tighter than hers so you need to find no/low cost things to do together. She's your sister, she should understand. Good luck!

My lovely sister in law and I have very different parenting and spending styles. They also make about 5x the amount of money we do annually (but we manage to save more) and spend very freely. We're really trying to save for the future, pay off our home, live w/o debt and keep our kids on the kind of schedule that is good for them spritually, physically and mentally. That means I insist on home for naptime, and bed soon enough that they get the full 12-14 hours of sleep they require.

She's always on the go, which is working out for her and her family. And I love her and her kids and I want to spend time with them, so do my kids. But when it comes down to it, I do say "no" to a lot of activities because I don't feel comfortable with that lifestyle. The activities we enjoy are parks, pools, bikes and the like. They're more into malls and theme parks.

I've just grown very comfortable with not participating. We'd be broke if I did, and grumpy from lack of sleep. No thanks. Now my bro and his fam have moved far away and it kind of makes me nervous to visit b/c I know they'll want to do the theme parks and touristy things and we can't afford it. I'd rather hang out at home and do crafts or just play outside. Oh well.

Is she forcing you out because she knows if she didn't you would stay home everyday? She might think with 4 kids you need out of the house. Her intentions are good. Tell her you have to do things that are close to home, little to no cost.

Just tell her. You cannot afford to go out so often and your child does better when kept on a schedule.

Here where we live there is always something going on around town that is a free event..Story times, puppet shows, children concerts City Hall concerts in the park with dancing,. Play time in parks or school play yards. Free swimming pools. Splash pads at fun farmers markets. Feed the ducks at lakes or ponds. I used to keep a cooler in the car with snacks and drinks so we did not purchase expensive food when out.. Walking trails.

I kept a wall calendar with all the events I would hear of so we could plot out what fit in our schedules..

I don't know your age but I'm betting you are a young mother and just haven't gotten comfortable saying "no" to folks when they ask you to do something. That will come in time and it's not a bad thing. I also bet she knows you love her dearly. Just tell her how you feel and that you don't want (and can't) go do something every day. I personally love to spend time at home with the kids and NOT go somewhere or have anything planned. Maybe she can come over and y'all can just have a backyard picnic and let the kids play in a kiddie pool or something a few days a week. Turn a radio on and it feels like a party!

Others have given you great ideas. I'll only add my own experience from hindsight. I'm much like you.....trying to save $, keep to a routine, etc. My sister wasn't. Although we did often do things together, there were times when I know she felt slighted. She died 5 years ago, and I cherish the memories of the great times our families had together. So when you're trying to compromise and find a balance that works for your family, I'd suggest at least once in awhile, be spontaneous and let go of the routine (doesn't have to be expensive) so that you, too, will have memories to last a lifetime.
Have fun when you can!

I would tell her that you dont mind her coming over to visit, but she has to respect your naptimes. Also that if she wants to go out all the time, she has to pay. That might get her to quit it. That's what I told my mom when she would want to do things, and she would either pay or we wouldnt go, that was her decision.

I was also very frustrated by people not respecting my kids schedules. Most of our friends are gay or otherwise childless, and most of them were supportive of if we go out going early so we can be home by naptime, but we had one friend who hates having the attention off of himself and would get mad if we had to leave to take the kiddo home for a nap. It's just something you have to deal with to make your own life run smoother. Good luck!