I Pissed off My Little Sister...

She's being 19 which pretty much means unreasonable out of lack of life experiences. I'd say, tell her one more time and let her know that is the last you are going to speak of it and that you love both your brother and her, you wish money was no object but the sad fact it is and yes, she is not getting what she wants because it costs more and is horribly inconvenient with a baby. Hows that for a run on sentence ;-). I'm sure you understand though.....

Part of being 19 is being immature and not seeing things from an adult stand point. She will eventually understand but right now she is focused on her desires and wants.

Just send her an email/letter that outlines both trips. On the list for Nashville put every possible charge, eating out at nice restaurants, shows, hotels, etc...travel to and from, gasoline costs, etc...

Then on the other list show every possible costs for the trip to your brothers.Give an itemized list for each thing.

Then tell her you have X amount of money saved and make sure it's not enough to cover the Nashville trip. She may still have a fit but you have put it in black and white for her. If she is not willing to make a compromise and pay for part of your trip then she will come to understand that it just wasn't possible. Tell her she can always come do the tourist thing at Nashville another time with you or go ahead and do it without you so she can go unhindered and do every possible thing she wants to do.

It sounds like to me she just is star struck and wants to visit Nashville and not really you. Sorry.

No your not selfish, you are a mother on a budget. A 19 year is not going to understand that. If you were selfish you would go blow your families savings on a vacation. Just apologize to her and hope that she will consider going to see your brother. She will understand one day.

Her age shows in her attitude. I am assuming that she also has no children or worries about getting the bills paid.
Go see your brother and the rest of your extended family, tell her you would love if she could make it there too!
She will get over herself eventually...

I think she is 19 and has NO IDEA what little kids are like (I know many 19 year olds that equate them to puppies, you know, you feed them, water them and take care of the poop and you are off the hook). I say go to your brother's house and invite her, she M. actually get a taste of what a 1 year old is really like and be glad she didn't insist on going to Nashville.

I think the most logical is putting money away AND going to stay in child friendly home visiting relatives. You'll get the feel of a vacation but yet be able to have your emergency savings. And that is worth a reward! You never really committed to her - you were up front that it all depended on the money. You can afford to put some in savings and go visit family, you could put it all in savings, or you could spend most of it on her idea of a good vacation for you and your young family which leaves not really enough to call emergency savings. Congrats on working towards getting some money! Easier said than done!

Yikes. Well. I do understand her being upset, onthe other hand, nothing was set in stone. Im where you are financially and" free" money isn't always the case. Who knows what can happen. I would tell my sister to come on down for the visit but make it clear you don't have the money to fund the whole trip and if she can help out and if not y'all should all go to your brothers and lay on the beach. Who wouldn't want to do that!

She's 19!!! There all selfish at that age:-) go see brother and enjoy your family! If I were your brother I would be jealous if you pcked concerts and Nashville over family time!

Another vote that your sister is being ridiculous.

Your plan to visit your brother instead and have your sister visit everyone there is brilliant! Don't feel selfish. You're just being practical. Keep putting your daughter and your family's financial well-being first. Your sister will understand that someday when she has kids.

It sounds like a maturity issue on your sister's part, and maybe also that her heart is really set on Nashville, and not on a beach vacation.

I agree with Gamma G's suggestion to lay it out in black and white, so that she sees the difference in money.

Then, I would suggest that you acknowledge her feelings--that she really wanted to spend time with you, and that she seems to really have her heart set on Nashville.

If you can, try to find some kind of compromise--maybe suggest that you guys meet on the outskirts of Nashville for a day (it would be a long day), or maybe somewhere halfway between Nashville and your house (if there's anything there), or have her come and spend the day with you at your house, and then have her enjoy the trip to Nashville. Maybe even suggest that she bring a friend of hers along, and then they can go on to Nashville and have a fun time, without the burden of a young nursing mom (just kidding-you're not a burden, but she may feel you're killing the fun with your mommy-ness).

The beach vacation might have been more appealing if, instead of you inviting her, your brother had invited her.

I think she's being unreasonable. Sounds like she's disappointed because she wanted to have fun in Nashville and have you foot the bill (since you said you'd be renting the car, paying for gas and the hotel, admission fees, etc.). She doesn't seem to understand that you wouldn't have been able to have fun anyway because you had to bring your daughter with you (which, as you said, was the point of the trip in the first place). Plus, doesn't she want to see her brother, too? It just makes the most sense to have a family-oriented trip to see her brother AND you and spend time with her niece and nephew.

But...my little brother is the same way. He is 23 and very self-centered. He's a nice guy, but he just doesn't understand how different life is when you have children. He is also very much the type who doesn't like to relax at home with family; he always wants to go out and do something fun that usually costs money. Hopefully they outgrow it someday. :-(

Just apologize to her and tell her that maybe you can plan a fun trip to Nashville some other time when your daughter is older and money isn't such an issue. Then tell her that you really want to spend time with both her and your brother, and you REALLY want her to spend time with your daughter because it matters to you that your daughter gets to know her aunt. All you can do is be honest, and hopefully she'll understand once she gets over her disappointment.

I think both of you are right in your feelings. I think the right answer would be that since money seems to be such an issue, forget both trips, put the money away for real emergencies, and when you get to a point that you can afford and truly enjoy "any" trip, then you should take one. Good luck.

I am wondering, is the music festival the same weekend that you are planning the visit with your brother? If so, that seems to be the root of it. I would just tell her to have fun at the festival:)

i too have a 19yo sister and she also needs to grow up. 19yo's don't understand money,children and family most of the time if don't have them! i understand you don't want to hurt or disappoint her but she has to understand where you are coming from. she is being unreasonable and you may not be able to make her understand either. life is going to have to her that lesson! when she has children or has to learn to truly be on a budget and NEED to have an emergency savings account she will think back on this and OPPSS! best of luck you! go see your brother, either she is going to come or she is not!

Going to your brother's and having your sister join you both there is not being selfish. It is, as you say "A no brainer". But, your sister is 19 and lured by the bright lights and "party" of Nashville. Just keep explaining it to her - that you are making the smart financial decision for your family and getting a chance to have the siblings re-united for a great vacay.

Maybe ask your brother about concerts and going-out venues in his area and try to lure your sister with those "party" options.

Ah, to be 19 again and not worry about children and budgets and job lay-offs.

Good Luck and God Bless

I know what she's talking about - the CMA Music Festival (used to be called Fan Fair) that happens in June every year. Think her head is in the stars (the kind she thinks she's gonna meet at the festival) - and she has no idea as to what she's really getting herself into! Been there, done that long before it got opened up to as many people as they can cram in now! Yeah, you might get some autographs, pictures, attend shows (if tickets are available - esp fan club parties), etc. -- but it ain't exactly cheap! Hotel rooms in certain areas will be jacked up (heck, they do the same thing all around here for the Derby - think a Motel 6 is worth $99/per person 4 to a room?)

(oh - and I waited until youngest was 5 or so - no way I'd want to take a younger one there w/all the waiting around and late nites!)

Your other plans sound more reasonable overall - why doesn't she come there for a few days??

You are not being selfish. You are being logical and practical. Your sister on the other hand is: 19.
She isn't being unreasonable from a 19 year old's perspective. I'm guessing she still lives at home or is at least partially (or totally) "funded" by mom/dad. She has no idea about reality. Truly. There probably isn't any way you can explain it to her that she WILL get it. She just hasn't lived that reality yet.

Just reiterate what you said from the get-go: IF you had the $.... which you don't. Not really. You said yourself of the Nashville choice was to "spend all our savings"... Ummmmm NO. You are a mother with responsibilities. You CAN'T spend all your savings to go on a trip to be a tourist for your 19 yr old sister. It would be irresponsible if you are spending all your savings to do so.
IF you can still put away some $ in savings while at the same time going to visit your brother, then THAT is what you tell your sister you can afford to do. You'd love it if she were a part of the trip too. If she can't afford it, then you completely understand. Finances are a priority.

What your sister needs to see is that you aren't choosing your brother over her. You are choosing your CHILD over her. You would be an irresponsible parent (imho) if you were to spend all your savings to fund a trip with your 19 yr old immature sister instead of putting some into an emergency fund to protect your family's financial future. Since you can do that and still having a small "getaway" that incorporates seeing family, especially a serving Marine (tell him "Thank you" for the rest of us), then that is the obvious choice. That, or stay home altogether. Would your sister rather come hang out at YOUR house for the entire visit?

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