Help with a Tantrum Thrower

B., I've taken two parenting classes that have helped with this. My 2nd daughter was a big tantrum thrower, although my first also went through a phase like this. There is a program called "How to make your kids mind, without losing yours" by Dr. Lehman and there is a book called "Parenting is heartwork" by Turansky and Miller that are both excellet. He's testing you and if you give in to what he wants it will never end. Both programs teach you different techniques to diffuse the situation and not be 'sucked in' to his drama. Does he stop on his own after 5 minutes or does he stop because you finally give him what he wants?

B.- i have 3 boys- 3yr, 4 yr, and 7 yr- so i have been through what you are describing at least a few times! the good news is that ..... it is a stage. It is normal for him to try to get what he wants via any means necessary. assure your mom and aunt that if everyone will "consistantly" step away for a second - then calmly tell him "use your words" - it will get better. as he learns to speak to you and express himself the tantrums will stop (and hell move on to another stage!) - usually i find this happens about the time i think i'm NOT GONNA MAKE IT- then all of a sudden - new stage! acknowledge his feelings and give him the words to express himself- "are you angry?" or "I see that you are very upset" - "are you feeling sad?" - tell him you understand how he feels and he will begin to calm and that makes it easier to move him along or distract him on to something else.......... good luck! he is just doing his toddler job- the important thing is to make a plan and stick to it! Just don't give in and don't give up- it will get better I promise!

My son is sixteen months and I know what you mean! But I also know it's not a tantrum. He doesn't choose his behavior yet that way. Think how frustrated they must be--they can't tell you what they think or feel, they see you doing stuff that's fun and they don't see why they can't do it, too. If I have to take something away from my son, I usually give him something cool in exchange--like his realistic toy cell phone. So, I say, "That's Mommy's--here's yours." and I stay upbeat. Sometimes he still throws the toy and screams. So I say, " I know you're upset" and just keep an eye on him while going about my business. When they can truly talk, you can work a little more on teaching/timeouts, but for now I think the best way is to just not reinforce the screaming--don't pay ANY kind of attention to it.

It sounds like you'll have to get your mom and aunt on board too! And you might want to pay attention to how stressed he is and how much sleep he's getting. If mine aren't on a real reliable schedule, they are much more likely to get frustrated.

Hope that helps!

Wow, it sounds like he is going through a very typical stage where he doesn't yet understand why he can't touch or have things when he wants them. He is very frustrated :-(

In my experience the best way to help the situation is to try to avoid creating a scenario that will likely result in frustration/tantrum as well as working together on how to resolve frustration when it does happen.

Ways we have worked to avoid frustration is to try being pro-active and anticipate everything, and I mean everything! For example, when you were getting ready to take his picture, tell him in advance that he can hold a certain toy (to keep his hands and attention busy) or be lively and upbeat about getting his pic taken because right after 'we are going to do something or go somewhere, have a snack, call Daddy on the phone, watch a show, whatever you think he will be thinking about for distraction...

If you know you are in a situation where he will want what you have, and if there is only 1 or he can't touch it, find something in advance that he would be happy with as an alternative, which avoids the meltdowns. Have a hidden toy and don't focus so much on no, no, no but rather say "look what I broght for you, yes, yes, yes" It's less frustrating than hearing no all the time when you don't understand why.

Think of it this way.... you wouldn't sit in front of him and slowly lick an ice-cream and smile while he doesn't have one right? Well, that is how he sees everything right now, whether it's your camera, a toy, food, getting somewhere, etc... try to put yourself in his shoes with his toddler mentality and you can help him get over the frustration. In my opinion, battling with him, ignoring him or punishing him for his developing feelings is not the best approach because it doesn't help him understand his feelings, it just ignores them or fights with him. He needs understanding through this challenging phase.

I think his break downs when something falls, etc is also because he is frustrated and doesn't know how to vent his feelings. Don't ingnore them, help him deal with them :-) Try not to get upset, it's even more stressful to him and more cause for aggrivation. If a toy falls over and he blows up, react silly and crazy, saying "that silly toy, you stay sitting the right way- and help him fix it" and tell him what a silly toy he has, maybe even making a game out of it. Be happy, lively and upbeat and he will probably do the same, or at least shorten his sad, angry, frustrated times....

Does he get enough physical exercise? Outside time? He sounds like he also has pent up energy and would be a little more calm the the more physically and mentally tired he is daily.

Hang in there, it's a phase. This too shall pass...

I read an artice in a magazine once that seemed to get thorugh to my daughter; here are some links to read that should help:
"http://www.ajc.com/health/content/shared-blogs/ajc/parent...;

"http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/05/health/05well.html?_r=1...;

Never yell or raise your voice, it only intices him to scream louder.
@}~>~~

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best of luck,
ky

I feel ya B.!!! We are going thru the same thing with our 25 month old! He screams covers his eyes and throws himself on the floor...now he is into hitting!! I stay at home all day, I never give into his tantrums I just ignore him till eventually he just forgets...but when we are in a store its hard to ignore him. What happened to our sweet little boys??? I will be keeping an eye on your responses...sorry I can't really help just share your pain. Good luck!

Sarah