Help with 5 Year Old

Updated on July 27, 2007
A.Z. asks from Des Moines, IA
5 answers

I have been having trouble with my 5 year old daughter and her separation anxiety, I guess that is what I am going to call it. She is usually very outgoing and likes to dance. She has been going to dance camp this past week and now towards the end of the week she refuses to go into the class and cries. I make her go in then she sits there and does not participate in the class. She sits there and puts her head in her knees. It is very frustrating because she is so excited about going until we get there. She will not talk to me about it and tells me nothing is wrong. She has been to this same dance studio for 2 and a half years now with the same girls and instructors. It is not like this is a new thing for her. I just do not know how to handle the situation and how to deal with it.

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J.S.

answers from Sioux Falls on

How many if any other activities do you have her in? She may be on burn out. In the beg. of the week it may have been fun, and now it has gotten too long. Is she just 5, or closer to 6? Without knowing more, I cant say why she is doing what she is doing, the thought that she has had enough is my first one. Is it just for the week? if so, it should be over today.... then you don't have to worry about her not participating. I would explain if thats the case that today is the last day, and to have fun and dance because it will be over. If its not the last day, i would think about pulling her out. Why spend money on something she doesn't want to do?

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M.H.

answers from Boise on

My daughter is 5 and is doing the same thing! I'm actually pretty relieved to hear she's not the only one. I've been pretty concerned about her lately. I'm a nursing student and have been through quite a bit of "developmental" information in classes. They've never mentioned this little bit of COMPLETE CHANGE OF PERSONALITY! I don't know what to tell you except that you're not alone. I've been trying lots of reassurance. I'm wondering if maybe the prospect of starting school is a little daunting? Hope it improves, A.!

M.

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D.C.

answers from Iowa City on

Has anything different been happening in your life recently? We just moved to the area and my 4 1/2 yo daughter is having a very difficult time adjusting. She has begun having fears of things she never had before and doesn't ever want to go to bed by herself.
Have you tried talking to her instructor or the other mothers about things that may be happening in the class? My daughter sometimes will talk to others better than she will talk to me. Is there a close friend she could talk to instead of you at the moment?

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L.O.

answers from Billings on

My 4 year old went through the same thing with her dance class - and I'm relieved to know that she's not the only one! About 3/4 of the way through the lessons she stopped dancing, just refusing to participate. This continued for 3 weeks in a row. She'd go through the motions of getting ready for the class, getting dressed and was excited about going, and then we'd arrive and the others would start class and she sat back and watched. When it was time to change shoes for a particular dance, I'd change her shoes so that she at least felt like a part of the group. Afterwards I'd ask her why she didn't want to dance and she's inevitably reply that something hurt, and then the last time she just replied "because". I told her that I understand that dancing can be difficult to do at times, and that if she wanted she could stop. She explained that she wanted to dance, but that she just didn't feel like it. By week 4, I was ready to pull her out, and she stood up that day and had made up her mind that she wanted to dance.

I think kids get burned out (like one mom had said) but I also think that at times it can be overwhelming, and they just need to relax. In my daughters case, she just needed the reassurance that we supported her decision, and that we understood what she was feeling (even though she was very vague in her descriptions of what she was going through) but the fact that we were there for her made all the difference.

I hope this helps! Just remember to be open and receptive to what she has to say, and I'm sure that this will all work out in the end!

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L.B.

answers from Sioux Falls on

Did something happen with one of the instructors that she might have taken personally? I have noticed with my son, who is now 7, that if the teacher/instructor corrects him on something, even something simple, like pronouncing a word wrong, he tends to take it very personally. Now it could be a run off of me, as sometimes I am the same way, but I find that if I encourage him and get him thru it, he sticks to it. All kids are sensitive, it just that some are more so then others. Try to get her out there again, without pushing to hard and she will discover why she loved in the first place. Good Luck!

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