Help with 28 Month Old Yelling and Hitting.

Hi D.,

In advance I may be a little tough.

He is two years and three months.
When he is three is he going to be 36 months old?
He is not a baby, he is a toddler that needs training.
Understanding this makes it easier to get in his (cute little face) and set some limits with him.

Training begins at home, and it is not easy.
I think it is unfair to expect your babysitters to discipline your child.
That is your job.
You can change babysitters if you want for being overly
loving to your child.
What you can do is ask them to report his bad behavior to you and you should began handling it when you get him home.
His discipline will than be when mom gets home he's going to get it.

In regards to his physical actions he is two and there is a three year old in the house both are fighting for position, attention etc., That is a healthy part of social exchange. Use correctly and he will learn how to negotiate properly.

Hitting (or threateening it) are not acceptable behavior for anyone. Especially in a restaurant. If that happens again, remove him from the restaurant to his carseat in the car, strap him in for a time out and calmly let him scream. Trust me, you'll only have to do it once or twice at the MOST. He'll quickly learn you mean business and he can't get out of his carseat it he's strapped in. I've done it and it really does work. With each child I only had to do one time, then a simple "do you need a time out in your carseat? headed off most problems.

D.,

It sounds like he isn't in a very good environment.It sounds to me like he is very upset and is trying to let you know. Perhaps he misses you greatly and wants to be right next to you at that moment. Could you sit him next to you in a booster seat? Why is he sobbing when he realizes his behavior is wrong? I don't know...flags are going up big time. You need to let him process his feelings when he does get upset. My pediatrician said he is against always using distraction because those kids never learn to process their feelings and in turn, vent their feelings in other ways like hitting or smearing their poop on the walls. How do you know how the sisters are discipling him? Perhaps you think they aren't because of his behavior or perhaps they aren't treating him right and are TOO harsh hence his behavior.

I know many people have no choice and the moms have to work but I will say these are the times I am thankful to be home because I know my children are being given boundaries and love at the same time.

Perhaps you could try talking to him? I know he's only 2 but communication lessons start from the beginning. Try to get at what is upsetting him. "I can see you are angry." And then give an alternative or a choice to him so he can choose and you are happy either way..."You can sit next to me if you sit in a booster seat or you have to sit in the high chair." My almost 2 year old will hit his brothers because he gets mad at them sometimes. When that happens I go over, get eye level with him and tell him "No hit. That isn't nice." I give him alternative things to say and he has learned to tell them to "leave me alone" when he doesn't want to be bothered by them. Of course if they keep pushing, he will still swing sometimes but we are working on it.

I hope you find something that works for him, and you. Please try not to get angry with him. He's acting this way for a reason. The chore now is to find out why...whether it's new sitters or helping him find his words. I don't think taking stuff away from a 2 year old works as a punishment. Now if mine is throwing or hitting with something, I take it away but that is to remove the object. At 2, they aren't getting the loss of it as a punishment. There's more to what's going on with your little guy I think.

Good luck.

BTW, absolutely love him tons when he makes a good choice, apologizes, whatever. I am just shocked at the "he's going to get it comment" from the other poster. I have three children...almost 9, 6, and almost 2. I have never looked at what I do as "giving it" to my children though I do discipline and set boundaries. I do not expect as much from a 2 year old as I do a 3 year old but I also believe boundaries are best when they are set from the beginning...not thrust upon them all of a sudden. There is a REASON he is acting this way. Maybe he misses his uncle!!! Maybe he's missing you being gone all day. Maybe he hates being with the sitters he is or the kids that are there. I don't understand why people think you have to be all stern and structured. You can do that but still be loving about it and definitely keep your anger and frustration in check. He is 2!!

D.,

I guess first, if you're not happy with his sitters, then change them. Or somehow impress on them you want him to follow social protocol (entirely expected at his age).

He's not going to be perfect. Briefly hitting isn't a temper tantrum. Same time I understand your frustration because you don't always know when you're going to get a wild fist int he head or face.

If this is all he is doing, I'd say be grateful. :)

Mostly, if he is tired, simply sit him down to calm him down, either in your lap, or somewhere next to you, and simply talk about what you are expecting from him, and how you want him to behave. He is after all else, only 2.

I think you're lucky, and you are doing a great job so far! I wish you good luck getting the icing on the cake with this one. He can do it, so can you.

Just read a bit of the response - it doesn't matter who he is copying - it could be one of the kids at his sitter.

Above all, like someone reminded me, hug him when he apologizes. Talk things over is most important. I think you have done a great job if he is only acting out this little bit. He might be missing his older 'brother', too, so a visit to him might help things a bit.

Attachment parenting might be a good fit for you guys. So far you sound like you're working in that direction. You might find some help there, too.

Good luck,
M.

It is hard for children his age to control themselves. Since his outbursts are short and he seems sorry right afterwards, I would not punish him. Talk to him about how he can show his anger in a more positive way. Tell him you understand he has problems controlling himself sometimes and that you will remind him to calm down. I really dont see think he or you have a problem, if he stops right away.

A 28 month old that covers his mouth and sobs and apologizes? Who is he copying?

1 can u get him a new babysitter?

2 instead of time out, which can be hard when you are not home (like in a restaurant), take some privilege away. No dessert today? Or whatver he plays with at home...just donbt upset his bedtinme routine but take somthing away so he will see a consequence.

Good luck. Its good he knows its wrong. Talk about it calmly. What could he do instead of the bad behavior? And when he says sorry hug him.