Help with 2 1/2 Year Old and Me

AT 2 - 2 1/2 he has really began his independent stage so his behavior is very typical. He is testing limits and also trying is independence. Of course your going to be the bad guy because your around him the most therefor the majority of discipline will be coming from you.
My best advice is to stop yelling. Take a breather before disciplining. Come up with a discipline consequence, like time out with warnings first. When disciplining put the baby down, even if that means putting the baby down in the crib to cry for a few minutes. Focus on your son. And then, make sure your spending some alone time with your son. When your husband is home, let him stay with the baby and do something fun with your son, even if that means taking him to the grocery store and letting him be your helper. My kids have always loved holding the shopping list, putting the items in the cart, etc etc.
Good luck, my girls are 2 years 2 days apart and I remember the first year after my second being born a rough road. Some days I felt I just couldn't handle it...but it gets better!

Hi T., U sound tired! I have noticed when my 2 yo would go to family for a night, he always comes back in a lot better mood, its like he needed a brake from me...as much as I needed one from him. May be its the new baby, or may b its just that he is 2?...Just relax when u can and wait, I think it will be over soon! Good luck! congratulations on a new baby!

We had our second when our first was 22 months... a little younger than yours, but during a similar stage. I found that there were two things that worked for us.

1. As soon as the boys were ready in the morning, I took them outside. Sometimes we went on a walk, sometimes over to a neighbor's house, and sometimes to the playground. But we always went outside, even when it was raining. (Then it was just a quick run across the street.)
2. I made up many things for my oldest son to do while I was nursing/cooking/changing diapers/etc. Putting different cereals and dried fruits into containers so he could mix them together and make his own snack, printing out his favorite character coloring pages, getting some great DVDs together that he would love, making a "tent" or obstacle course that he could play with, etc. I would also nurse outside with a nursing cover so he could play on his tricycle, etc.

As far as his anger, teach him to use his words. It's hard, I know. But it really does help. I've also heard of people using 2 chairs: a naughty chair (for punishment) and a cool-down chair (for getting anger under control). My mom told us to run around the house 10 times when we were angry. I'm still trying to find something similar for my little one, but it really did work.

I've also found that my attitude makes a big difference. When my husband is gone for a few days or a week, I feel stressed. But I decide that I'm going to be happy and take things in stride. Last night, they took out the can of grits. They opened it and were playing with the texture. I've never told them not to do it, so I held the can while they played. When they started throwing grits everywhere, I told them no and made them clean it up. But it makes my life a lot easier to assume goodwill.

I know this is a tough adjustment. Good luck!

I commend you for trying to make sure to spend the one-on-one time with him right now.

Unfortunately, his behavior and your reaction to it are really common. I found myself losing my cool with my kids (2 and 3.5) last night after dinner. They'd been SO good up to that point, and then the rowdiness hit me in the face like a frying pan. Everything was drama.

I don't think you're going to get singled out as the bad guy because you're also the main nurturer and caregiver based upon your husband's schedule. I would agree that he needs to be consistent with you in discipline and enforcing what is expected behavior/consequences.

One thing we've really been making a concerted effort in lately is commending the good behavior more than focusing on the bad behavior. It's easy to tell your kid how great they're doing with playing nicely, eating their meal, saying their pleases/thank you's. If you put more of the balance on the positive, supposedly it will help to encourage more of that behavior.

Have you considered having him go to preschool or day care a morning or two a week to give him some time away in another structured environment and allowing you the time you need to bond with your new baby?

At the end of the day, you're doing a great job. Just make sure the last thing he hears is how much you love and adore him and how thankful you are for being able to spend the time with him and how you're looking forward to tomorrow.

Good luck.

Hi T.,

I had my second child when my oldest was about 3. I noticed that the older one would get into things when I was nursing the little one. He would get into the refrigerator or go outside without permission, sometimes making me get up from feeding the baby to "corral" him. It was frustrating indeed! I think he was doing this for attention. We did our best to try and prepare him for not being the center of attention when the baby came but I think no matter how you try the older child feels neglected a bit. It's hard! The baby NEEDS your attention but the older one doesn't understand. I don't think you're doing anything wrong; it just goes with the territory. It sounds like you're working on it. I do think that if you can remain calm (I know that sounds like a pipe dream), it will help your little guy with his anger issues. Having a little time to yourself might help you because you are probably a bit overwhelmed. Try not to feel guilty about any of this; it's just part of having two children! I agree with Becky A.; it does get better!

I could have written this post when my youngest was born 7 months ago. He and his sister are 2 years (almost to the day) apart. While my daughter was not jealous outwardly or rough with him, she was very upset/crying/argumentative, etc for the first two weeks we brought my son home. My husband and I would talk about how we felt so bad for her because she went from this sweet little girl to this upset, crying, fighting 2 year old!!

I don't know how long it took but eventually we got on a nice routine and she started to behave more appropriately - listening, following directions, not fighting with us as much.

I think it's a good thing if you are sending your oldest one to daycare - I kept my daughter home with me for a week then sent her to daycare from about 10am-3pm each day. That way she stayed on her napping schedule and I could get sleep as well!! Sometimes I'd go home and the baby and I would sleep off and on the entire time she was at daycare. Other times I took advantage and spent time with my son or my husband (he, too, works night Mon-Fri so I'm alone with the kids).

It sounds like your family is close by. Take advantage and go over there or have them come over 1-2x a week. They can have alone time with your oldest or take care of the baby so you can play with him.

The tv was a good friend of mine during the adjustment period. It was a nice way for me to sit and feed the baby and also sit by my daughter.

I would also make sure to lay the baby on the floor and get down and play with my daughter (or put baby in the swing). I'd always make sure to make comments about how big my daughter was and how the baby could not do this or that (eat pudding or color with crayons) because he was just a baby. I tried to make my daughter feel very special because she was older, a big girl and a big sister.

I also enlisted her help. If I needed a diaper or wipes, I'd ask if she could get them for me. If she did, I gave her a big hug and kiss. If she didn't, I didn't say anything else about it.

My son adapted to a 7pm bedtime schedule pretty fast and my daughter doesn't go to bed until 8 so since then, we have had an hour together each night. Most nights that is her tv time. Sometimes I'll sit with her, sometimes I'll be cleaning up in the kitchen, other times I'll leave the bathroom door open and take a relaxing bath. Then we read books together each night.

She loves her little brother so much and wants to play with him all the time.

I found myself yelling a lot at my daughter in the first few weeks as well. Try to remember this is a big adjustment for your son. When you want to yell, take a deep breath and count to three. If you have to, leave the room. But when you do yell (because YES, you still will), don't fault yourself for it. Everyone has done it. Everyone has felt bad about it too. It's normal!!

Remember that you are essentially a single mom Mon-Thurs and that is a HUGE job. I have so much (more) respect for my single mother friends now (although I've always had respect for them!).

Good luck and congrats on your new bundle of joy!

Check out www.oneweekparentingmiracle.com. This website is a great discipline program that not only teaches positive ways to set boundaries and enforce them, but helps get your husband and you on the same page so you're doing the same things consistently. This is the program I have been using with my two children and I highly recommend it. I hope this helps you and good luck!

One thing that was huge after we had our son for our daughter 2 at the time was getting out with Mommy alone, no baby if just for the 1.5 hours in-between breastfeeding. Remember that this is a huge adjustment for him also not just you and hubby and at his age he is not verbally able to express his emotions as well as the adults. It took our daughter about 4 weeks to settle down and understand that this baby is not going to go away! Then she started to enjoy having him around more. I know 4 weeks sounds like a long time and it is when you are in the moment but we made it through. But we could really tell that for our daughter she craved the reassurance that even though this baby is attached to me almost 100% of the time right now that their was still special time for me to be with just her. HTH and it will get better. Just wait till they are 3 and 5 like mine are now and playing so well together at least 70% of the time... ;) And remember be firm on your existing rules, and don't add to many if any at all. Don't let him know that it is o.k. to go on with any bad behavior he has right now. But also keep in mind that his life just did a 180!!!

Congrats on your new baby girl!!