Help She Wont Go to Sleep on Her Own

I used a book called BABYWISE. It helped me. Some moms like the book and some didn't. My two sisters used the book as well, we each took what we liked from the book and used it to help. The baby learning to self sooth I believe is really important. That would include sleeping by herself and falling to sleep (its all part of the same thing). Take a look at the book its got some good suggestions.

good luck...remember whatever you choose to do is OK.

Babies' separation anxiety peaks at 6 months old, so you may want to just ride out the nursing to sleep phase for another month or so. My oldest daughter, now 8 years old, also had to fall asleep nursing. When I read books saying to put your baby down while she's awake, I thought they were crazy because my daughter would have none of it. Then, what do you know, daughter no. 2 -- now 5 years old -- wanted to be put down while she was awake and grew irritated if I held her too long at bedtime. They all turn out fine; they just have different personalities. Good luck!

C.,
If nursing her to sleep and having her sleep with you is working, why stop? I also nurse my 6 month old daughter to sleep and she sleeps with me. I've found that this way everyone gets a good night's sleep. Every night we have a bedtime routine: oatmeal, bath, massage, nurse, bed. I always put her in her crib once she is asleep or done nursing. In the beginning she would lay there for about 5 minutes before crying. Now she'll sleep in her crib between 3-7 hours. The first time she wakes up I get her, nurse her, and bring her to bed with me. She always ends up in bed with me at some point. I have never tried to force her to sleep in her crib by crying it out and this has worked for us. A lot of people raised eyebrows at me when they heard that I co-sleep with my baby and I used to wonder if I was doing the wrong thing but it works for us so I don't really care what people think. She is happy and so am I. Co-sleeping also makes breastfeeding easier since you really don't have to fully wake up...the baby is already next to you. Check out The Attatchment Parenting Book by Dr. Sears if you want more info on co-sleeping.

When you say she won't go to sleep w/o nursing, does this mean for naps, too? If so, I can understand why you want to break her of it since you won't be there to nurse for her nap when you're at work. She needs to be able to put herself to sleep at some point & it should be easier if you start teaching her now when it's not totally formed in her mind like when she's one or older. Do you have someone else who can give her a bottle for the nap? If she smells you, she'll probably want to nurse. If there's no one else around, try creating a new sleep ritual. If you don't think she's hungry, then skip the bottle all together. Try offering a pacifier, rock her, sing songs or turn on music or look at books & then put her down when she's drowsy. Stay & comfort her a bit, walk away. Let her cry for a few minutes & then go back to comfort her w/o picking her up. This is the theory a lot of books suggest. Try to lengthen the amount of time in between when you go in to comfort her. This could be a lengthy process w/lotsa tears (from both of you!)but since she's still pretty young, the hope is that it won't take too long for her to get used to putting herself to sleep. It could also save you a lot of frustration down the road. With our first son, (now 6 years) I rocked him to sleep for naps & bed time to the point that at 2 years old I was still doing this w/him struggling in my arms & one day in, total frustration (w/myself for starting this!), I put him in his crib, turned on his tape player & walked away. Lo & behold, he was alseep in seconds! I think most of that time his struggling was cuz he wanted to be in bed asleep! There are all kindsa books out there on getting babies to sleep on their own. Find one that you like & think will work for you & get started. The key is to be consistent. Good luck!

Hi C.
We are going thru the same thing!! My daugther is now 7 months, but I was going thru the same thing same problems like you, then she was 6 months now funny!!
Anyhow.. what we ended up doing was which is hard to do, but it's working. ( LET HER CRY IT OUT) have her put herself back to sleep. Her last feeding would be at 10:30pm wait until she was asleep and put her in her crib. she would wake up an hour or two hours later. We wouldn't go in. we were let her cry it out..As long as it took for her to put herself to sleep. I KNOW IT'S HARD to hear your baby cry for you. I know it sound mean, but it's working for US.. there is one week that she will only wake up ONCE a night and cry for 5 minutes and there are time she will cry longer, but at the end she sleep thru the night in her OWN crib. I only get her and put her in our bed around 7:30am to feed her.
I guess this time around I didn't give in because it took so longer to get our THREE year old son from our BED!! My husband and I have a full size bed. Our bed it's to small for three bodies and my husband and I use to wake in so much pain. because my son would take the whole bed!! I didn't want to make the same mistake. L.O.L NO WAY, He does still sleep in our bedroom, we have his toddler bed in our room because he doesn't want to sleep in his own room.
The problem was we had him sleeping in our bed since he was 6 months. we did try to get him to sleep on his own his crib but he wouldn't and we use to give in to easy. we thought maybe it would get easier as he got older.. NOT! So this time with my 7 month daughter I'm doing the opposite than what I did with my son. L.o.l

I do wish you Good Luck in whatever YOU decide to do!

P.S
I hope you don't get the same mothers, like I did with their mean and rude advices. I asked almost the question the only different was I wanted to give my daugther bottle to sleep at night, but she won't.

Dear C.,

You need to place her in her own bed when she falls asleep, after all, Honey, she is only 6 months old. She will have to cry herself to sleep sometime, so get yourself ready for it. My son got to be a problem when he was about that age, and had to do the crying thing. It took about 5 days, and he did cry quite dramatically, but he finally learned to self soothe, and go to sleep in his own bed.

Don't tackle the bed situation later on, it will be much harder then. Get both of these things out of the way right now. You can do it.
Sincerely, C. N.

Hi C.. I'm new to mamasource and yours is the first post I read. I nursed all 3 of my babies and nursed them all to sleep. I found it to be a hard habit to break but it was just so convenient and bonding that I didn't try too hard. One thing that did work was to nurse the baby for a little bit and then slip a pacifier in. My kids that would take a pacifier were pretty picky about it - they'd only take the see through one from the hospital. I also belong to FresnoMommies.com and another mommy recently had this same question. I can't remember all of the responses to her question, but I know there were quite a few! If you'd like to check it out, it's FresnoMommies.com and there is a Breastfeeding forum there (I'm the moderator :) Take care and good luck!!!

C.,

It is a mother's job to worry but you really aren't doing anything "wrong." You may want to start pushing a bottle at least once a day (you can pump breastmilk) or a sippy cup to get her used to that. Having your child in daycare and not taking a bottle or a cup is very stressful for you and for your daycare providers. As for the nursing to sleep, I wouldn't worry so much about that. Babies are pretty adaptable. If I'm around, my son wants to nurse to sleep but my babysitter can get him to sleep with no problem at all and so can my husband. There will likely be a transition period that can be stressful but your daughter will adjust.

T.

My son is 13 months old and has never mastered the 'self soothing' thing. I tried the 'cry it out' thing a few times and it was horrible.
I can't really say I have any advice for you on this subject as I am in no way an expert.....I just feel your pain!!!
Good luck!

Hi C.! I would like to recommend the book BabyWise to you, it saved mine and my husband's sanity when our son was an infant! It teaches you how to put your child on a schedule for eating, playing, and sleeping. Some of the information is harsh but you can use what you want of it. The big thing is allowing your child to self soothe. Now our son is almost 2 (on May 5th) and he is the best sleeper. He takes 1 nap a day and goes to bed at 8 p.m. and sleeps until about 6:30 a.m. He was sleeping through the night at about 8 weeks! Give it a shot, I swear it works!

Regarding getting your daughter to take a bottle, have someone else give it to her. Pump enough for one feeding and have your spouse, parent, friend, etc. give it to her during her normal feeding time. Make sure that you are not in the room. You may use this spare time to take a shower or run to the grocery store!

Good luck and trust me, everything will work out!
T.

Hi C.~
I am nursing still at 9 months and I have been trying to ween my daughter off of this exact scenario. I have to let her cry it out. I am using the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and it seems to be working. My daughter is learning to soothe herself. It is incredibly difficult to hear her cry but usually when I walk out of the room she tends to calm herself down. Have you tried a different type of pacifier? Have you tried to do the whole bait and switch between the breast and the pacifier? Have you tried having your partner put her to bed, that way she doesn't smell you and your milk?
Good Luck!

hi C.,
I really feel for you!! I worked in childcare for 12 years and I know from experience the letting them cry to fall asleep does ,its hard though when you are close with the child.me and my cousin are going to be going through that soon as well..I am a 2nd mother to my godchild christina and help raise her and me and my cousin both let her sleep with us(shes with me at my house alot of the time)...we started very young to put her in bed with us and now shes 9 months old and wont even take a nap unless we crawl in bed next to her and she can feel us as she falls asleep.I admit,I like her to sleep with me,I know shes safe when I can feel her little warm body next to me during the night..me and my cousin agreed we are going to try to get her to sleep in her crib soon,and im dreading the crys for mamamamama as she calls both of us.I wish you lots of luck and strength to get thru the transition..((hugs)))))

I had the same exact problem with my 2nd child until I read HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS, HAPPY CHILD by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. After doing what the book said, my child was sleeping 2 naps a day and 12 hours at night (without falling asleep on the breast) and I put him down for bedtime in his crib AWAKE. I never believed that it could work but it did. My husband and I loved having our evenings together free once we put the baby down at 700pm. Good luck.

All four of my children nursed to sleep every night at least until one year old - most of them until 18 months. I think this is very normal - as long as you aren't going back to work graveyard shift - enjoy it - she will outgrow it when she is ready, but for right now she is a little young.

If you are serious about getting her out of your bed start now - or be prepared to have her in there for a few more years - I have done it both ways, but if you wait too much longer it will be a few years before you get to sleep alone again.