Help Regarding Daughters Preference for One Parent over the Other

I have a 2 year old who has always prefered me.. friends tell me that when he gets older.. 3 or 4, he may not prefer me anymore, but Daddy instead. It's normal as far as I can tell... everything is about them. For my son, if I'm not available, then Daddy just does what's needed.. puts him to bed, takes him out, whatever.. if there's crying.. Dad just repeats.. Mom's not free.

Let your husband know this is just normal behavior and it's not about him...my husband understands that Mom is the preferred person and is confident in knowing that he can care for and play with our son just as well as I can, Mom is just with him more so he prefers me.

She will grow out of it. Just go with it for now. My son did this too for many years. Now he is 5 years old and all about his Daddy. The tides will come and go throughout their life....sometimes they will favor you sometimes your husband. I dont see how you can discipline for it, becuz it would only make the situation worse, I think. Just tell your husband to relax and let him know it is really nothing personal the tides will indeed turn.

This is normal for a three year old. Mine is saying "I don't like daddy."
I just tell him a matter of factly,"Daddy loves you." Then I talk about all of the fun things Dad does with him.

I would not allow her to make the decision as to who helps her. You are the adults. She is trying to see how much say she really has. If she throws a fit. I would have her sit on the couch or in her room until she is ready to have whomever YOU have chosen to help her.

When she speaks negatively about your husband. I wouldn't give it too much verbal attention ... going into "that hurts daddy's feelings." SHe is too young to grasp that yet. Plus this might give her the impression that dad is weak. You could respond with the positive. Show her an appropriate way to respond like "Thank you for helping me dad." Or, "it is not kind to say that, say, okay dad."

Another idea is set up special times for them to do things without you there. Reading books, tickling, outings. Perhaps this is a phase where their relationship may need more investment and trust building. This too is normal in any relationship.

Good luck. Remember you are training her. Don't agrgue or go into a big explaination but show her the proper way to respond. She is three. The social behavior is fresh. Our nature selfish behavior spills out but it can be retrained by healthy moms and dads.

I had to deal with a similar situation when my son was almost 2 - my husband was in the Army and sent to South Korea for 15 months. He left when my son was 7 months old and returned right before his 2nd birthday. It was hard for my husband to deal with the fact that to our son, he was essentially a stranger. He would scream and cry if I wasn't the one who fixed his breakfast, got him dressed, put him in the car, not to even mention what it was like if I tried to leave the house and leave him home with Daddy!! It became clear that the only way to extinguish this behavior was for me to completely step out of the situation. He needed to learn that regardless of his preference, Daddy was home and had just as much a "right" or "say" in parenting as I did. The more I stayed in the situation trying to "reassure" or "soothe" the more extreme and dramatic his reaction to Daddy was. Within a short period of time, he learned that Daddy was no different than Mommy when it came to following his directions, listening to what he said, and having Daddy do daily parenting tasks. Within 6 months it was like Daddy had never been gone. I am convinced, though, that it would have been a shorter time if I had stepped back sooner. We spent weeks trying to "explain" and rationalize with him, and me trying to remain a comforting presence in the new situation. All we accomplished was making each situation MORE dramatic and MORE traumatic. Once I decided to step back, our son realized that the only choice in the situation was to deal with Daddy. This realization immediately reduced the drama and the relationship improved dramatically.

Good luck! I say you need to step back. Let dad take control of those situations without you stepping in and interfering or offering ANY alternative. Once your daughter realizes that there is NO other option other than dealing with Daddy, I really believe the drama will go away. At this age, I don't think she is really capable of being too concerned about hurting Daddy's feelings. All she knows is that if she pitches a big enough fit, eventually the person she wants to do everything will step in and do it. If this behavior stops working and Mommy doesn't step in and do it instead of Daddy, the behavior will stop too. Explain to her ahead of time that tonight Daddy is going to do this, this and this. Period. No matter how many times she gets up looking for you to "redo" it, you are NOT available and Daddy is the only one to put her back to bed. It will probably hurt your husband's feelings a lot less if he feels he isn't going to be over-ruled by a 3 year old. Every time you re-tuck her in, it is like telling her that her treatment of her Daddy is valid and acceptable, which it isn't. The same thing holds with you and the jacket. If it doesn't bother you, fine. But every time you let her dictact who gets to do what with her, from bedtime to coats, you are giving her decision making power over the adults in her life and that is just setting yourself up for trouble later on - imagine her as a 12 year old or 16 year old if she learns to believe that she makes the rules and decisions for her parents...