Help Raising a Very Attached Tween

I don't understand the problem. Is she wanting to spend tons of time with you and have you involved with what she does? Sounds ideal to me!

I understand where you're coming from. My daughter is 13 and very mature for her age. She would rather go to the movies with me and my friends than call friends of her own. She is disappointed when I go to lunch with "the girls" and don't bring her along. She seems to be well liked at school with many kids talking to her and wanting to sit by her on the bus, etc. But she hasn't made any strong connections. If I ask who her best friend is, she can't name one because she isn't that close to anyone. I attribute some of it to the fact that she is more focused and driven than most kids her age. She is a 4.0 student who is a pre-professional dancer. She works hard and is annoyed by kids who want to slack off and take the easy way. I am encouraging her to invite girls over regularly. Sometimes it's a struggle to get her to call, but I think if she keeps trying to make connections, hopefully she will develop stronger relationships with her peers. The girls always have fun together, I think I just need to keep encouraging her until it becomes more natural for her to call a friend than to ask me to do something with her. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to lose the closeness and trust we have, but it isn't healthy for her to think that her best friends are a group of 40 year old women!

Good Luck--Let me know if you come up with anything that works for you!

www.thosecrazybeans.blogspot.com

In my house, tween is 10, 11 12 yrs old. That's not too old to be attached to parents. My son is 11 and still worships the ground I walk on. I realize peer pressure might change that a few years down the line, but we have a great relationship and we can talk about anything. Give it time, and keep communication open. They'll be grown up and leaving you with an empty nest before you know it.

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Please don't!! Soon enough she will not want anything to do with you! Cherish every moment that she is "attached" to you!

As a matter for fact, can you give me some tips on how to get my tweens to focus on family a little more than they focus on the rest of the world revolving around them??

LOL seee you have the oposite problem than i i want more to do with my teens and they dont want me too but take it from me your gonna miss it .I have a 17 year old about to graduate in 3 months and i just want her to stay with me yeah selfish of me .but we are so close its not funny .she is my sun shine but i dont understand why you dont want yours so close cause i am practically begging her to stay with me ... cherish every moment that she wants to be close and just thank god she is that close to you!

Gosh J., your daughter is looking to you for your approval, guidance, and is trying to model herself in your image. I would take that as a compliment!
Children have a tendency to learn by what they see and become what they know. I say you should enjoy this closeness with her now & hope that it will continue this way throughout her life...

Hi J.,
Is this a normal level of attachment, or does she suffer from anxiety if you are not together? If you think it's the second option, then you need to take her to see a doctor.
My kids are 10 and 14. If she's looking to spend every free moment with you, make sure that she has enough to keep her busy - sports, clubs, friends who she makes plans with. It's also important to set an example. What do you do that's just for you - out for coffee with girlfriends, to the gym, to book club, an adult ed class? Model having things that you do for yourself and not with her. Plan for special outings together. Is she following you around the house constantly because she can't figure out what to do with herself? My daughter did that when she was younger, it was an ADHD thing, I needed to set her up with an activity to do.
Good luck!

I don't understand why she can't focus on you. A tween is in between a child and a teen that is very young for you to expect her to have her own life. She is a still a child!! Not sure what you mean by focusing on her own life. At her age her life should be going to school, extra activities after school, and family. I am confused by what you want her to do.

you don't other kids do. Mine was that way and out grew it. The other kids got him to disconnect with me. your just a security blanket. mine got real bad after my divorce. This too will pass but the kids will have to make her do it not you.