Help Plzzz

I.:

I'm sorry you lost custody of your daughter...I will assume that she's 8 years old...

My question is - no matter what the past - why would you want to rip her away from the stability and love she is getting? Is she being abused? Mistreated?

Taking an 8 year old and turning her life upside down is a VERY traumatic thing...VERY!! you are going to take her world, shake it and then make her wonder who is she EVER gonna trust?

Have the problems from your past been corrected?
Have you learned from your mistakes?
Think about WHY you want to do this...is it for YOU or for HER? If it's for her - then if she is not being abused or mistreated - leave her be.

They - your parents - should NOT be saying negative things about you...it sounds like you will all do yourselves the best you can do by seeking family counseling...showing your parents by your deeds and actions that you have changed....for the better....

Good luck

I don't know what the back story is - how old is she? Why did you lose custody? What is the story? Do her grandparents love her as they would their own child? Are the negative things true? If they are, being pissed about it and mad doesn't change anything, and being in denial of why you don't have custody in no way helps you or your daughter.

Biology does NOT make a parent - love and responsibility do. Yes you are her biological mother, but you have not been a mother to her for a long time and that's important. You have to PROVE yourself before you can be a significant part of her life again. You may need the help of a family counselor and an attorney to work out a plan of action for you to become a responsible part of her life, and to coordinate it with your parents.

If they have been the only parents she has known and she has had a loving home with them, then for you to try to pull her out of that because YOU want to is not in her best interest. If you REALLY love your daughter, you will find a way to become a part of her life without damaging the love and security she has. If it has to be as her sister, than that's ok. Really. My older sister is more of a mother figure to me now than my own mother. If you REALLY love her, her well-being will come first. If you are meant to be her mom again, it will happen, but not because you force it. It will happen because you love her, and it will be proven by your actions.

I wish you the best of luck.

Ok I don't know the whole story of why she is not in your custody, but I'm going to go off the little information that i know.
She is how old? I'm guessing 7 or 8, right? So if she has been gone for 7 years, then you will be taking her away from everything she knows. . . Have you ever been ripped from your comfort area. Is she being abused? Being treated poorly? Are the reasons why she is with her grandparents resolved?? Have you thought of what it's going to be like to learn her "sister" is really her mom? These are just things I would like you to think about.

I think you should be thinking of what is in the best interest of your daughter, as should your parents. Their lying to her about who her mom is and calling you her sister is not in her best interest. Eventually she will hit a point where she realizes that just isn't possible. She will look at age, the lack of pictures of your mom being pregnant with her, etc. That will hurt her deeply and she may lose trust in your parents. Those lies are stupid and irresponsible.

On the flip side other than the lies she may very well be better off with your parents. This you need to accept.

Instead of court or any other legal options try sitting down with your parents and explaining to them the end result of their lies. Not knowing the background it would seem to me the best for all is to leave your daughter with your parents but with her knowledge that you are her mom. It is also in her best interest that you spend time with her. That she know you didn't want to give her up but you wanted her to be safe and secure.

Okay I read your what happened. You need to listen to me because I have fought for custody before. Granted against my ex husband, their father, but still I know how the courts think. They do not want to upset the current situation. If you go into court wanting custody and pulling the child away from your parents you will not get it and anything else will be thrown out! Baby steps! It is best for everyone. The first part is to get court ordered visitation rights. You can get that and stating that them lying to your daughter is not in the best interest of your daughter is how. They courts will not like that lie but they will not want to move your daughter right now.

Build a relationship with her and then go back to court. Please listen, because I do believe your daughter needs you in her life. If you do what you are stating you will lose and may not have another chance.

I have to agree with MegandOllie. You are still her momma and even though your mother is raising her, I'm sure they are just looking out for her best interest. Do you think she is in any harm? I do understand you LOVE her, and I'm not saying you don't. I suggest talking to your parents, they love you too, make peace in the family. Tell them you want her to know that you are her mother. Always look out of her best interest. I know this is hard on you, but please look at things from her perspective, become close with your daughter if she thinks you are her sister, start there. Be the bigger person...
Hugs going out to you!!!

You could fight, but would it be in the best interest of your child? Seven years is a long time and to take her from everything she has come to know, unless she's being abused, would not be in the best interest.

You didn't say why your "forced" to give her up and that will have some bearing on a judges decision regarding custody.

Having been in a similar situation as child, all I can tell you is at 10 my childhood ended because of a legal battle for custody. I suggest that you start spending time with your daughter little by little. Don't spring anything on her. Telling her she is your daughter should be done in counseling and you and your parents need to attend first before that little girl is involved.

Blessings.....

The truth of the matter is - you are being selfish now.
Your parents have RAISED your 7 year old, in a stable environment and now you want to turn everything upside down and destroy your child's life just so you can now take care of her. What about 7 years ago ? You weren't obviously ready to take care of her when it counted - you cannot just throw yourself back in the picture now after all this time and expect things to go the way you want them. You are darn lucky your parents have raised her because you were an unfit mother to do so. To upset the waters now just because things are supposedly better now in your life IS being selfish. On top of everything, I am not trying to be mean, so don't take it that way - but your English - written/grammar/spoken needs help. I would advise you to go back and get your GED, and maybe go to university for a few years and put your free time there instead of trying to muddy the waters with your interest in taking your child away from her family. So help yourself and your child by working in that area, so when you are around her you could be helping her with her education. If you truly love your child you will step back and just let her live life the way she has for the past 7 years - children NEED stability.

You need to take this back to court. And get full custody of your child.
You are 'with' a 'wonderful military srg' or you are married to O.? Are you in a situation where YOU can care for, house and support YOUR child or do you need this man to do that? That's going to make a big difference I think.
Best of luck!