Bio Father and Stepmom Under Investigation, Again

My ex and his wife (he received custody due to a series of unfortunate events) have been under investigation, even had all 9 - yes 9, 4 of which are mine - kids removed from their custody for almost a year. I have never been found unfit and have gone through all of the steps to get them all, but I only have my youngest daughter on a "foster care" basis, soon to be permanent. He is full of resentment and has put the children in the middle of every negative feeling he has ever had and turned is new wife into his personal pit bull when it comes to me. Her oldest son was the "perpetrator" in this situation and finally after 3 years they have determined that he is not fit to be around the other children and has to go to another home permanently. My ex has turned me into some kind of monster so he can justify his behavior, but anyone who has ever met me will tell you I am nothing of the sort. This other woman has turned my oldest daughter against me, in turn dividing my children. They (my ex and his wife) also blame me and my daughter (the one with me) for their situationbecause she was the victim and I am the one who reported them - the first time anyway - to the authorities. They had instructed the children not to tell me because I would try to take them away. My youngest finally had enough and told. The belief that I caused all of this heartache is a large part of why my oldest won't talk to me. She was also told by her stepmother to treat me as an acquaintence instead of coming to me with her concerns. Of course that would bust her lies wide open and she couldn't have that. My oldest daughter is practically raising her children and it would make too much work for her if she found out the truth. It would take a book to explain it all but I will answer any questions you have. So, what should I do about all of this? My heart can't take much more of this. As recently as this June they were under investigation for behaviors between her other son and my other daughter, but they are all afraid to talk now because this case has drug on so long. Thay all just want it to be over and would rather keep the hurt to themselves. How do I get them out of there and heal my family?

I met Mr. Wrong who battered me emotionally and, right before the final divorce, hit me. He bruised my entire face. My heart was already broken as my ex had vowed that I would never S. my children again. His reason? I rejected him so I must have rejected the kids, too. (I found out later he told my oldest two that I never wanted them.) Anyway, I didn't know what to do. I was reeling. I had no attorney, nor money to hire one as I let the guy I was with nickle and dime me and my ex went through the agency that helps with legal assistance, so I was not eligible. He changed his request for joint custody to full custody and I didn't know how to fight it. He got full custody. Then my job was dissolved thanks to the dwindling auto industry. I was left staying with friends. Four months later he married the pit bull. She insisted I share Mother's Day, refused to allow me in the house, even to hug my children. I can't count the number of times they had to come outside in the cold to S. me. We lived in the same town, but had to arrange visit exchanges "at a neutral location". I think she was just jealous becuase her dhildren would rush to the door to hug me - for the first few weeks I was allowed to come over. So, after about 8 months of only being able to find temp work I moved from Illinois to Kansas with my father. About a year later the kids were taken from them. Because Iwas out of state I had to go through an interstate compact where I went through all the counseling and prodding they went through. My visits were supervised for several months, just like theirs. The judge said that the first parent to complete the service plan would get the kids. I did everything they told me to do. I had to find my own services because the caseworker there didn't know what she was doing - she was new to the interstate thing, where theirs were already in place because they were already under supervision when another call was made. I went above and beyond what was requested and completed what I was told. Even the caseworkers thought I was going to get them, but the judge decided she didn't want to override the divorce decree. It is the same judge who did the divorce. No I can't have her removed from the case, I tried. It is a small town. My youngest daughter - now 9 - was being molested by her step-brother, now 12 or 13. They blame her for telling and me for making the call instead of talking to them first. They also accused one of my family members of fondling the children, in turn causing them to act out between each other. This is not true and has been proven, but they would rather blame him - who is now dead - than accept that this boy is the problem. This month he was finally declared unfit to be around my children. At the last hearing in June they were still talking about placing him back in the home. Oh yeah, they got the girls back first, just after I was denied, and the boys a couple months later - except the one who is not going back. Well, my youngest daughter was so distraught she was put on 4 medications, extreme counseling, and finally placed in my custody when they had hard evidence that they were telling her it was all her fault. She is now off of two medications completely and on half the dose of the others and should be off them completely in six months to a year. She has shown no sign of any of that other behavior since coming to live with me in November last year so I know it was not her that initiated it. The caseworkers are fully aware of what has been going on. His wife copies them on almost every email and goes to them with anything she thinks she can use against me. I now have a new caseworker her that is doung everything in her power to keep my youngest as far away from all of that as she legally can. We are also having monthly phone conferences with all adults involved and caseworkers to try to get some of the things they are doing cleared up. She denied their last visit, and of course, he blamed me and tried to deny my visit with the others. My son, 13, and other daughter, 10, were only allowed a week when it was supposed to me a month. My oldest daughter - 14 - did not come. She has not come for a visit in almost 3 years. She has told me of her feelings and that she was told these other things (to treat me as an acquaintence, she can divorce me, etc.) by her stepmother. She has written me letters and emails. She even pulled me aside when we exchanged for the week to tell me that she isn;t sure if she wants anything to do with me. She wants to live with what she knows. She has stated this as well, which tells nme she knows the truth but doesn't want to believe it because there is already so much terrible stiff in her life. The caseworkers know all this stuff and all they tell me is that it is an unfortunate situation, but they can't do anything. As long as the case is open, which it is, I can't file for custody. My oldest two are old enough to choose and my daughter has made her opinion perfectly clear. My son has a very strong bond with her, which is good, but it also means he will follow her lead. My middle daughter is very confused. She just wants to please everyone. She has been pushed and pulled and prodded like the rest of them. She calls me almost every day and talks for 20 min to an hour. She was very disappointed about her visit being cut short and seems as though she would like to come here, but doesn't think they will let her. She says her daddy tells her how much he hurts because he lost his other daughter and she doesn't want to hurt him more.