Help Please! - Piedmont,MO

Show him how much fun going potty can be. Put a few cherios cereal in the toilet and tell him they are targets. If he can hit some then he gets a treat or some kind of reward. Eventually he will be going on his own.
Good Luck!
J.
Yukon, OK

We read and watched "Once upon a Potty", put up a chart that she added stars to every time she went to the potty and we also went to the store where I let her pick out a box of cookies: she got her special potty cookie everytime she went to the potty. We also got a potty that made sounds every time she used it. We placed absolutely no attention on accidents except to let her know it was ok, but we danced and jumped up and down and high fived and ate a cookie when she used the potty. All this together worked after about two weeks. But even with all the bells and whistles, it wasn't easy. Good luck!

I am the mother of three grown children, 2 boys and 1 girl. I also ran a day care in my home so I have potty-trained and helped potty train many. I did not find any difference in boys and girls but personalities play a big part. Potty training to me is like any other training. You are the parent and whatever rules you decide upon are the rules. If you decide that it is time to do away with diapers and your child is physically able to stay dry, then that is the rule.

The trick to all this is to find the motivation to ensure the child follows the rules and each child is different. Some respond better to reward some respond better to punishment, most children need a little of both.

Pick a reward system. My oldest loved putting money in a bank and then getting something with that money at the end of the week. My middle son & daughter loved candy. Use stickers on a calendar. Put the calendar where everyone can see it. Enlist the help of family and friends. Have Grandma call every day to see if he went potty. This is the positive part. Try to make it his job to go potty. If he throws a big fit firmly place him on the potty and just keep placing him back. Yes the first time you do this it will be long and horrible but you must be calm, firm, and more stubborn than he is.

Decide upon a punishment. Give him the wipes & diaper and let him take care of it. If he goes potty on the floor he can clean it up. Be calm. Sometimes a little shame works. One of the boys I took care of in the church nursery had a really hard time training so one day after an accident I told him. "I am so disappointed that this happened. I really thought you were getting the hang of going potty by yourself. I thought you were getting older and big enough to do this. I am really disappointed." His mom told me that was so effective he went home and threw his pull-ups in the trash; asked for big boy pants and never went backwards. He was almost 4.

Sorry this is so long. So here's the short advice. Pick a reward system. Reward what is appropriate-staying dry or going potty or a combination. Pick a punishment. Enlist the help of family members & friends. Above all stay calm. Tell him what is expected and be more stubborn than he is.

Hi K.,

My oldest had the same problem, he'd run into his room and pooped in his pants every time. He'd pee in the potty, but only standing up. It seemed like no amount of punishing him, bribing him, or anything would work. We had gone through trying and giving up till later, then trying again, and giving up again.

Finally one day I got out of him that he was scared. I asked him of what, so he pointed to the hole at the bottom of the potty. So I showed him how big it was, and that no matter how hard we tried, his head, his hands, and his feet where not going to even fit through it, so there was no way he could get sucked down into the hole. Since then, he has used the potty. A couple of days later he even thanked me for helping him not be afraid to go potty anymore! My heart melted!

It may not be what's bugging your little boy, but it's my only experience with potty training. And if it makes you feel any better, this was about a month before his 4th birthday! Hang in there mama! It'll happen for him one of these days!!

The reward system helps I love it but I have to say I'm having similar problems. I read this book called the Happiest toddler in town and it talks about the potty training. Sometimes when the toddler thinks you want him to potty he won't so...my advice is, just tell him he isn't ready to be a big boy and put him in diapers and don't say another word about it. Then we he decides to go potty, don't make a huge deal of it, just say wow, good job, put a sticker on the chart and move on. Eventually he'll see that you don't care if he potty's or not and he'll decide to do it himself. It was saying that some kids don't like the dancing and hoop la if they actually go, so down play it and then make him think your fine with diapers. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

This may sound a bit drastic, but you might try dressing him in a "skirt" of some time, without underwear. I had to do that with one of my kids and it worked quickly. In 2 days, no more skirt.

We did the naked method with my son too. It worked quite well for him. He would pee in his pants, but NOT on the floor, so we just let him go naked for a week (during the summer) and then he was trained.

BUT, many of my friends have boys who don't potty train until they are 4. I know that sounds awful, but I've heard it so many times that you pretty much have to let them do it when they are ready. It can be a huge battle and they have total control of this - it's something you can't do a lot about and it might make him feel powerful to say "NO" and not go potty.

What about putting all your praise on the little one? He'll probably love that he's getting all your praise and the older one may start to get a little irritated and want that praise too.

Good luck!

I don't even know you, bu yet i am worried about you. This guy sounds like a real "winner." I don't think it's possible to tell you what to do, b/c this is your situation and you know your options far better than me, or anyone else for that. I think you know what you need. What are your options. STart here. List them on paper. What does your gut say? Here's the thing. You are all you need. I know it's sounds rediculous, but you can get yourself and your kids through this. Make a plan. If you can't leave, start putting money aside. start looking for cheap/subsidized housing. Find resources, b/c they are out there, you just have to look for them. i will say a prayer for you.

Let go and let him do it himself. When he is ready and doesn't feel pressure from you, he will!! He is being strong willed and this is something he can have control over. Maybe you could let him have control over something else that is "grow-up" like picking his shirt in the morning, or which cup to use at meal time. I promise he will not be in diapers for much longer. Peer preasure is sometimes a good thing. Have a friend over that is potty trained and when yours sees the friend using the potty, he will probably want to as well.
Let the little one know that he can go on the potty even if big brother doesn't. That will get the older one motivated when the baby is doing it!!!

I do have 3 boys 11, 8 and 6. The oldest trained the week the middle one was born, totally on his own because according to him he "wasn't a baby anymore!"

This might sound radical, but here goes: Keep him in diapers. Just stop allowing this to be a ground of power struggle between you, and say "fine, you can wear diapers if that is what you really need. But since you're a big boy now, you must clean yourself up and get a new diaper on. And if you make a mess on the floor, you must clean that up, too. I love you, dear child. I thought you'd want to be doing what the big boys do, but I guess you don't. So, it's ok if you wear diapers, but you do have to take care of this yourself because I know you can and I have other chores to do".

Then, stick to your guns. Don't get mad, just be firm; set the boundary lovingly and then STICK TO IT. Make sure he has supplies available, and show him anything he needs to be shown about cleaning himself/the floor/etc. Make a rule or two==like, he can't be in the livingroom with everyone else, if he smells poopy. He doesn't have to change himself until HE wants to, but he does have to stay away from others who don't like the smell. Rules like that, which are not shaming but simply concerning 'community life and cooperation'. You must enforce these rules every time, without fuss, anger or shaming, or he won't believe you and will continue to try to keep this as a ground of struggle between you.

2 other quick notes on this: 1, maybe diapers are a way he gets your time and attention, a little 'babying'. If this might be true, then do be sure to freely offer him some OTHER kind of babying every day--some lap time, whatever he needs. This doesn't take a lot of time, if it's focussed time. Be sure he knows how much you love him, and that as a person he is JUST FINE by you. Some kids just need more of this than others.

the other thing is, I would be surprised if he holds onto to diapers beyond the point that the 2yr does. The 2yr old getting trained is very likely to stimulate the 4yr old to want to do the same. I wouldn't count on this--I still say, try the above course--I guess I'm just saying that I think training the 2yr old will have an effect.

good luck mama.... :)

M., new member

I would not pay attention to his accidents and start working on the smaller one with praise and I have a feeling the older one will come on board to get that attention. they say dont force the issue. Well I used to tell my son and boys are harder. evertime he would potty he could flush the potty and put a star on the calander and when he gets 10 he gets a new toy. Then take him to either the dollar store or somewher reaonable and you give him choices of toys so not to break the bank.
Then tell him when he gets 10 more he gets another one. Good luck...

Hi there! I am sorry your having trouble potty training This is going to sound cheezy but I use to sing to my kids Pippy in the potty and dance just wiggling my bootyYover and over, I would make a party out of it especially,if they did go Tell them good job and keep singing dancing even after you leave the bathroom so they can follow you like a train Sing that song even when You have to go,on your way to the bathrom make sure they see you wiggling your booty move you hands as if you had maracas and start singing. It worked for my girlfriends kids.I had never shared this with anyone else my Kids are way older now but they still remember and sing the song to be funy.
Good Luck

For me it was on my sons terms - he is 4 now and still has times were he pees and stuff.....i worked at a day care for a bit and they suggest to be firm on the amount of fluids you give - like do not let the kids walk around with sippy cups all day - they only need drinks at meal and snack times....and then take them in there every 30 to 45 minutes...get them used to going in

Hi K.,

I am the mother of two boys. The first one was easy to potty train. He was 3 years old and one week. The second one had a little more trouble although with a lot of trial and error we finally found something to motivate him. I finally decided one day that enough was enough and told him that if he pooped in the potty I would give him a quarter. He got so excited about getting money that he tried to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. In addition, he didn't know the difference between a quarter, penny, nickel, or dime so I just gave him whatever I could find at the time. Took one day and a couple of weeks of rewarding with money and he was done. On a side note.... both of my boys are still wetting the bed at night. One is 5 the other is 3. We are constantly trying new techniques to break this habit as well. Life with children is never dull. Good luck to you.

A..

We had what seemed to be a difficult time with "potty training" my five-year old. He was four years old before he was completely potty trained. When he was two, we tried potty training. When he was three, we tried potty training. When he was four, he was ready to do it on his own. I really wish we would have just allowed him to follow his own time-chart. One mom told me some advice from her doctor when we were talking about potty training, "He'll be potty trained by the time he walks down the aisle." :^) Now my three-year old is getting ready to potty train, based on his actions. But I'm not going to push him. He'll go when he's ready.

Bless your heart! Potty training can be so frustrating...for you and them! As a mom of 2 singles and twin boys....potty training the twins was about to beat me!
The cherrios target worked well for me...as long as they had the step stool and had total control! It was fun for them, even though I usually had a bit of a mess to clean up...but it got the ball rolling.
The one sure thing that worked for me in potty training, as silly as it may be....was allowing my boys to potty outside on a tree or a rock or whatever target they wanted. After a cookout at a friends and they said "Go pee on the tree"....my training woes were over in less than a week. I know weather right now isn't the best....but it surely worked wonders for me!
Best wishes to you!

Hang in there, and most importantly - RELAX. He will get it...someday. Everything that I have seen from my sisters and friends is not to play into his drama. Be careful, negative attention is still attention, so if he is pulling that card then you are playing right into it. Give your attention to the things he does that are good or positive.
As for awards systems, try it. My guy loves to get stickers, but at the same time if he doesn't, then he doesn't really care (he's 5). BUT i don't think i have meet a kid that likes to sit around in wet pants. So if you refuse to put the diaper back on him, then just encourage or remind him to go to the bathroom. However, if he doesn't, then he'll have to go at sometime and if it's in his pants then so be it. He will hate the feeling of wet pants, this alone will encourage the use of the toilet. And don't change him, make him stay in the wet pants till he changes himself.
My little guy takes 20 min. to get dressed in the morning, but it wasn't long ago that he wet his pants. He was changed before i could even turn around. I barely knew what happened he was so fast, i had to actually ask him.
GOOD LUCK, i know you want to pull out your hair, but take a deep breath and walk away.

first you cannot force it, he has control over it. My son was in the 4 yr old age range before he was fully trained. Try a reward system, get mini M&M's or little stickers or something small to make it a fun experience..he gets one if he tries even if he doesn't do anything and if he does go he gets two. Again don't force it you just end up making everyone upset, he'll do it on his time, if he's not going to preschool where he has to be trained I'd not worry about it, it'll happen when it's supposed to. I see that you are getting married soon, he could be anxious about that situation, kids can sense stress and change.

My older son was very resistant to potty training. He would go in the underwear, pull up, diaper, whatever. We did the naked kid method. That worked fine because he knew better than to pee or poop on the floor and he didn't have to pull down any underwear. I put towels on the couch for him to sit on and on the floor to watch cartoons. At first, when he needed to go to the bathroom, he would cry for his clothes but once he did it a couple of times and realized mommy wasn't going to give in, he surrendered. He just needed to gain some confidence that he wasn't going to fail. I pretty much forced it on him but he was beyond ready. There is alot of hand washing involved as little boys like to play with themselves alot when they don't have any undergarments on!!!!!

I only have one girl I've potty trained, so I don't have alot of experience, but I find that if there is anything that is really bugging me that I am constantly trying to correct, it is usually all about attention. Kids need attention. You've heard "oh, he's just looking for attention" before, and it is so often true, minus the "just." Kids show us what they need, they direct us. When I listen to my kids cues, my life is so much easier...

One more idea... when I potty trained my daughter, I didn't want to use rewards or charts or certainly not punishment. What I ended up doing is getting her something fun to play with while on the potty. It made her want to sit there and when she was sitting there she would naturally go to the bathroom. I just sat her on the potty several times a day with the totally cool toy that was just for potty and when she had gone, I would get her off (or, heck, leave her on if she was having a great time). Does he have predictable BMs? For us that was a good place to start. Every morning she had a BM, so, I made sure she was on the potty at the right time. Our potty training was a long but very unstressful process.

K.

Good luck!

Like most of the other Mom's, I used a reward system. My girls enjoyed getting a peice of candy when they used the potty. After they started to use the potty, we let them choose a toy or movie that we would by them if the stayed dry all day for a week. We had a seperate treat for night time dryness, that doesn't always happen at the same time.