My oldest daughter will be 10 in September and I don't know what to do. I love her so much but I don't think she loves herself at all. I understand that she has started to go through puberty but this has been going on long before now. I can't get her to brush her teeth, put deoderant on, or brush her hair on her own. Everyday it is the same thing of me telling her to do it and then yelling "Jaz I have already asked you once to brush your teeth, put deoderant on and brush your hair now let's get it done." She might do one or two and completely forget what else I told her to do. She has no friends. Sure she has introduced me to kids telling me that they are her friends but they don't come over and they don't come to her birthday parties and I've been up to the school and it's more like Jaz standing on the outside of thier circle listening to them talk. She says she just don't understand other kids and she doesn't know how to act around them. She has a big problems understanding personal space and not to touch or rub or hang on people. She is very clingy and touchy feely. I don't know what to do! I've heard a couple of girls telling her to wash her hands and I Jaz is just "oh, I forgot" and will go do it. I don't know if she really has memory issues or if she just don't care. She does have asthma and she has stopped breathing a couple of times so I guess maybe that affected her. We talked to her doctor about this and a couple of reading and spelling issues we were concerned about and she told us to have the school test Jaz for learning disabilities and go from there. So, last school year we approached the school about getting her tested and they never did because she makes A's and B's so they didn't feel there was any problem. However, going into the 4th grade Jaz still will misspell words she has been tested on since 1st grade. I don't know what is going on or what to do anymore. She has such low self esteem and self confidence and I have tried everything and it doesn't seem to work she just doesn't seem to care. She has a cousin 6 mths older than her and one that is 4 mths older than her and she just is nowhere near the level that they are at. She just seems like a 4 or 5 year old trapped in a 10 year old body. She is suppose to be going to asthma camp in August and I am scared to death about letting her go. She never seems to be able to fit in she always seems to get picked on and she just has not shown me once that she has even a little bit of maturity to handle taking care of herself at this camp. I have thought that maybe going to this camp someone would see this behavior and we might be able to get her help but on the other I'm afraid it could turn out to be a disaster. It's just so hard to explain how she is. She goes off into her own little world and is closed off to what is going on around her. Most of the time I even have to make her little sisters play with her. They think she is bossy and mean. Sometimes they can play together but most of the time Jaz is the one left out. I'm having trouble explaining everything. I just don't know what to do with her. Is it medical is it behavioral or what!? I feel completely helpless and like I went wrong somewhere. Help!
C.
After waiting forever we have an appointment with her doctor to discuss these behaviors and see if we can get her tested for aspergers. I will let everyone know about that as soon as we find out something.
She did go to asthma camp and had a blast. She tells us that she didn't have any problems but I just can't beleive that at all. When she came home she was the same and her behavior was the same. We recently found out that for whatever reason she doesn't even understand the shows she watches on t.v. What's the point in watching if you don't get it? I don't know. Hopefully we will find out what is going on soon and will be able to get her the help she needs.
Thanks to everyone who responded to my request for help it has meant the world to me. You definately are a great group of caring women and I appreciate all the great advice you have given.
C.
P.S. We just got back from the doctors office with Jazmine. The doctor also seemed to think it was aspergers. She told me that first thing in the morning she will make sure that the referral is made to have Jazmine evaluated. She said that they use several different doctors and will make sure we get sent to the one that can get us in the fastest to start the process.
Thanks again to everyone!
Take her to an educational psychologist and have her evaluated for Autism Spectrum Disorder - specifically Asperger's syndrome. She may also have a bit of depression going on there.
S.
Hi C.,
When I glanced at your post, it got my attention, so I decided to respond. I am a Behavioral Therapist professionally, and it sounds like there is a possibility that your daughter may have Aspergers Syndrome. While on the spectrum of Autism, Asperger children are typically very smart and perform well in school, but have huge issues with social things, personal space, and relating to other peers. There are a few more questions that I could ask, to give you more of an idea of whether or not this may be what she's dealing with, so feel free to send me a message if you'd like more info. Be encouraged- if your child has Aspergers Syndrome, she can definitely improve with some good social therapy. I applaud you for pressing forward with your Mothers Intuition, to find out what's going on with your daughter!
Special Care & Career Services is a charitable org that assists people with special needs before and after they are eligible for public school. It's my understanding that, while your daughter would not currently qualify for their programs, they have been of assistance to people by being advocates with the school system in pressing for testing etc., and they may be able to direct you to some organization that might be able to provide her with something. Google the name to get their web site and find contact info. This is just for info in addition to the excellent suggestion that you already received from the therapist.
I agree with some other posts that seeking a counselor and having her evaluated would be a benefit. It if helps her, it really is priceless.
My 10 1/2 year old wasn't seeing the value of brushed teeth, hair, etc. and I bought her, "The Care & Keeping of You". It's a great book, in the American Girl series, written for girls about the importance of these things, puberty and other things only girls need to know. Perhaps she can read that and have it help a bit.
http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-American-Library/d...
I am the mother of a special needs child. I can relate to some of the issues. I would definately persue testing through the school. You have the right to have her tested even if the school does not think there is a need. They can NOT deny her what you feel needs to be done. Push for it. I have also included some ideas that have worked with my kids. Be blessed and just love her; God gave her to YOU.
Show her a picture of yourself at that same awkward age (we ALL have one with big front teeth and weird hair/clothes). Tell her a story of a young girl who was in a similar situation as your daughter (imbellish if you have to). THEN reveal that the girl in the picture is YOU. It will really speak wonders to your DD. The realization that you, the one she ultimately looks up to, was once in the same boat/shoes/state/etc. And what a testimony that that girl became the wife and mother she knows today.
As for the situation with the morning routine: I would suggest using a check list. I have gotten out of my routine several times and forgotten to put deoderant on. I even walked out to my car to leave and my husband has asked me if I was going to do my hair and had to put a hat on at the last minute.
I use check lists for a lot of things and they really do help the kids. By this age, she should be able to read a clock, so put one in her bathroom and hang the checklist by it. Let her know that you expect the list to be done by a certain time.
Then award stickers on a calendar for the days she completes the list with only one reminder (or none at all). At the end of a designated period (a week, a month) giver her cash or a surprise (maybe let her pick the restaurant you eat at, etc.).
If it works really well for this group of tasks, you can use a check list for other things too.
I hope it helps.
Blessings,
P. <><
My nephew has Asperger's and had the same problems with remembering the morning routine. My sister-in-law made charts for the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen,etc, and laminated them with the list of things to do(bathroom chart-brush teeth, wash face, etc.) In the beginning, my nephew had to move a little velco button to the DONE side of the chart to help him remember what to do and in what order to do and to help him stay focused. She said it worked very well. He was younger than your daughter when they started the charts, so perhaps your daughter can just look at the list to remind her what to do.
Take care.
Good for you for listening to yourself and the alarms going off in your head. I don't have experience with what you're going through personally, but it does sound like she has problems in the social/personal area. What you describe does sound like Aspbergers syndrome, but I'm not a professional. I have friends that have it, or have kids that do, and once you know what you're dealing with, things can improve drastically. I would insist on having her tested, since her social development is as important if not MORE important than her grades. It sounds like she just needs some help in a few areas - you're doing the right thing! Good luck!
I'm a pediatric RN and from what you're describing it does resemble Asberger's syndrome. I don't know alot about it but one of my friend's sons has it and he exhibits similar social behaviors as you have described your daughter having. Even if it's not, I would definitely see about having your daughter evaluated by a child psychologist or child behavioralist. Keep pushing until you get what you want! You know your child like no one else and you are her best advocate!! It will all work out. I think once you have an explanation for her behaviour then you'll feel better about the situation. Good luck to you and your family.
I would get a therapist who is experienced in dealing with children and possibly the Asperger's (which others are posting that you might check into). The Child Study Center is good in Fort Worth. We've been Foster Parents and I know Play Therapists for younger kids, so I could give you a few names if you would like them. The ARC of Fort Worth in the Child Study Center could give you more information on Asperger's or Autism. You might try researching more on the internet and going to your Pediatrician first and starting there to get more testing done on your child. Cook's Children's Hospital is great also. Good Luck
