HELP!!! Out of Control 4 Year Old!!

I had an out of control son for 13 years (he actually mellowed a LOT when he hit his teens THANKFULLY!). When my son was much younger I read "The Explosive child" and it gave some great advice and suggestions for working with kids who "just don't seem to get it." My son was one who responded to men too and my dh was (and is) a workaholic. I know with my son, traditional discipline often made things SO much worse. Please let your friend know that it isn't all in the parenting. I have 6 children and did not have this problem with my others. However, there is a LOT a parent can learn to work with the child and get through it.

I'm really sorry your sister is having such a tough time. It is exhausting raising an out of control child.

M.

I felt that way last year. Honestly I started watching that tv show (can't think of the name right now). It's about the woman coming in your home and helping give ideas on how to do things different.

One that really worked for me was getting a ton of the colored cotton balls (the big ones) and a fish bowl. I wrote up a list of rules and hung them in the livingroom. Each time my son listened I gave him a ball for his fish bowl, each time he did something on the list that was wrong I had him remove a ball. At the end of the day he got a treat based on how many balls he had in his bowl.

I've also started the bad boy chair. Every time he did something that was on the list of rules (not to do). He had to sit on the chair for # of mins based on age (1 min per year). It took about a week and a half but it started working. It was really hard at first, every time he got up or pushed the chair and stood up I had to put him back on it and start his time over. The first 10 times were the worst and it took everything in me not to just beat him up. J/K!

I hope everything works out for your sister, I know how hard it can be to have a kid who is out of control.

Good Luck
C.
"Let's hand stuff a New Friend with Noah's Ark!"
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I know each child is different, but as I read the entry, the main thought that came to mind is to find out how much time does she spend playing with him?

The reason I ask is that I notice my daughter (5.5 yrs old) will get much more out of hand if I have been busy with projects and not giving her the attention she needs. She's always done this. Now that I have a second child, I notice he does the same thing but not to a very extreme level yet. Generally speaking, though, they are great kids that are very well behaved and I give them plenty of attention, but there are times I get a little too focused on something else and need to refocus and give them attention. Whenever they start getting a little more disobedient of upset easily, I quickly think through how much attention I've been giving them and when I adjust it and sit and play with them, they respond much better and are much more willing to obey.

I do also discipline them on top of that, but I always make sure to be doing my part to help them not react to anything I might be doing that is causing them to feel upset.

I'm betting your sister works (kind of seems like she'd have to in her situation!), so anyway, that's what I would suggest...make sure to sit and have one on one time with him and give him her undivided attention. Then add disciplining on top of that after she makes sure he's getting the attention he needs from her.

In case this sounds negative at all towards her, PLEASE know i don't mean that at all! I can't imagine how difficult it must be for her and how frustrating this must be. This is just what I've noticed helps me.

Hope she is able to figure it out!

I have 5 children myself and I know from experience that each one are different. The baby (3) is the product of my second marriage so she was spoiled horribly by the older children...that was until she became old enough to be annoying! I too am in the same situation but I've found that she hates standing in the corner. I know it sounds so simple but for me, it's at least temporarily effective.
There is a book out there called Parenting with Love and Logic. I haven't read it in ages and don't remember the author but it's a terrific book. You might reccomend that to her.
Give her a big hug and wish her luck!