Please help! My toddler will be 3 in February. He has been in his own bed now for about a year, but lately, he wants me or my husband to 'go night night me'...aka, lay down in bed with him until he falls asleep. This started innocently, and we would lay down...for 30 seconds, then a minute, then a minute became 5 minutes. Then, I tried telling him that I was going to my room, but I would check back on him in a few minutes...and I did, but that only worked about 2 weeks. Should I just bite the bullet and let him scream every night? We tried that last night, and he came out of his room crying. Every time we put him back he would get out. Any advice?
Maybe he is scared. If he is crying, then something must be wrong. Maybe you could put him to bed a little later or shorten his nap so he will fall asleep quickly, so you don't have to sit with him for a long time.
Here it is straight: My suggestion is to tell him that you will lay with him for one minute, then you will sit in the hallway where he can see you. If he gets out of bed, you will close the door for 1-2 minutes, then you will only open it if he is NOT crying and also he is in his bed. When you open the door back up, continue to sit on the floor. If he gets up again, close the door again for 1-2 minutes. He will learn quickly that he can stay in his bed and still see you until he falls asleep.
I know this is a HUGE pain, but my son had the same problem. My husband and I took turns at night in the hallway for probably, like, (don't gasp) 2 years. It was the ONLY way he would not get up, "get a drink" (which means spill water all over his pajamas), go into his closet and play or climb up the shelves, change out of his pajamas, take off his diaper/pull-up, etc. It was a major pain but now he goes to sleep fine. He's just turned 6 and I'd say that we stopped sitting in the hall when he was about 4 and a half.
When you're in the hall, you can read or do ironing or fold clothes or (if you have a laptop) get online. Hope that helps.
We have been and are still going through that with our daughter, she will be 3 in January. She can think of anything to stall to go to bed and it has gotten really old. We would finally get her to bed and I would be called in there at least another 5 times before I would go to bed and then a few times during the night. We started taking her toys away from her and telling her the only way she could get them back was to go to sleep. And then we would really praise her in the morning when she started doing better. It has really seemed to work. I hope things get better for you and your son soon! Good Luck.
Ever watch Supernanny? She has helped many a parent deal with this. She took a staggered approach, where the parent would be in the room, but on the floor next to the bed for a few nights, then the next few nights they would move further away, then be sitting in the doorway, then outside the hall, etc. So the child gradually got used to the idea, even though there were some crying/tantrums when mom/dad wouldn't lay directly in the bed anymore.
B/c of our living arrangment right now my husband and i share a room with our 15 month old. He has a toddler bed and we've gotten to where if he gets out he goes to time out in the corner for a few minutes. it seems mean but he really does understand b/c he shakes his head no when we ask "do you want to go to time out?" and he sits back down on his bed. He stays in his bed but usually one of us or both are in the room with him. but when he crys and fights it and trys to get out of bed or climb over into my side i don't show him attention (the kind he wants, to hold him). its took about a week or maybe slightly longer but its working and we've been consistant with him. now he knows when we says its bedtime he goes to his bed...well as best as a 15mth old can or will lol. my point is when we put him in bed he stays and just lays there until he falls asleep. some nights its hard b/c he really wants to play but you have to be tough about saying no, lay down. good luck!
Don't have any advice for you, just know you aren't alone. My son will be 3 in January and we are going through the same thing. My problem with mine is that one night I let him watch Spongebob in his room to go to bed, well now he wants to do it every night. We were doing so good, but about a month ago is when this started. If he does go to bed and stay in there, he gets up in the middle of the night wanting to sleep with me.
I'm going to have to bite the bullet and retrain him on bed time. Yuk!! I did the SUpernanny thing when we were first getting him to sleep in his big boy bed, and it worked pretty well. I just have to be consistent and that I'm not sometimes. (Thanks to my 8month old little girl) :)
Good Luck...just thought I would let you know others are in the same boat with you!
I've been in your shoes, and it is a difficult time! Hang in there.
My recommendation is to work with your son on finding things that sooth and comfort him, helping him to transition from the comfort of mommy and dad to his own ability to self sooth.
So, try to spend quiet time in his room before bed time, even during the day where he is picking out things to help him go night-night. Talk about the qualities of these things: soft, smells nice, love(s) him...etc. I would also establish a consistent nighttime routine: dinner, bath, quiet play, reading, quiet talking...the biggest thing that helped with my daughter (finally) was to establish a routine of comfort, and singing, a prayer and then I say goodnight and leave. She likes to have her closet light on for comfort as well and I turn that on as a I leave and say a few words to her. Sometimes I give her an extra hug.
Overtime, this has worked magic. She feels in control (important for her and any child - the world is big and scary), and she calls this "the routine."
It took a long time for me to figure this out. We had a kind of routine, but nothing to calm us both and indicate that it was time to say goodnight. Once I found the words to help her feel safe and to help me, too, it worked.
There are great books "Sam Sheep Can't Sleep," and other ones that will help him understand and gain a sense of comfort and control over his world.
If he wakes up - the hardest thing after a long day - be calm and quiet as possible and do an abbreviated routine, same words, quick tuck back in - but leave the room.
There are times when my daughter wakes up sick or something is bothering her and I do take her back and lay down with her for a minute or two - or I let her lay with me for a minute or so. All kids lapse and need us at times - I try then to tune in long enough to provide safety and comfort but short enough not to let her think she is incapable of comforting herself.
I also find that giving choices throughout the day, reinforcing the child's sense of capability and control helps at night - they just feel that they are not as vulnerable and don't need us as much. Sadly, that's part of our job - letting go:)
Honestly, I just waited until I knew he was in a solid sleep before leaving the room. Might not have been the best thing for him according to some experts, but it worked and he is a happy and content child. He now falls asleep with no problems. On occasion he will ask me to stay in his room until he falls asleep. Someone mentioned consistency...I am a firm believer in this. Dinner, homework, play time, bath, read a book, go to bed on a regular non-eventful evening. Sports and outside activities can wreck havic on this but we still try to maintain some consistency. We always read a book before bed and that seems to calm and reassure him as well even to this day and mine is almost 7.
Try a cool looking "mommy timer". He can help you turn the timer on and tell him this is mommy time and when it rings mommy has to go. Maybe he can help you pick out the timer too and tell him this is something new and stick to it. The timer is great even as they get older.... Tv time, books, lights out, brushing teeth etc... Good luck!
You have to be consistant, firm and patient. Keep taking him back to bed. Also you might try telling him he has to sleep in his "Big Boy" bed, does he have a night light? If not you might get him one so he can see and is not scared. We have a cool mist humidifier that has a fake fish tank with light that we use, you can turn off the humidifier part and just have the fish takn going. Good luck.
Children go through periods when they want to regress a little bit. They are excited about how their world is changing and expanding but want the security of mom and dad too.
If you don't have a bedtime routine, bath, books, etc., develop one. He will get the message that he is getting ready for bed and part of that is going to bed in his bed. Include in the bedtime special snuggle time that occurs, for example, in the recliner after you finish the story. It is awfully easy at this age because the child is so busy, you don't have those moments when you just stop and sit with your child. He may be missing those and bedtime is a logical time for him to request it.
At three, you might also tell him that you are happy he wants to snuggle before bed but he has to go to bed so he will grow to be big and strong like his daddy and so he has the energy to play and have fun the next day. At this age, he is old enough to establish a small chore chart, picking up toys, helping mommy carry his dirty cup or dishes to the kitchen. Create a reward system like going to the dollar store if he completes all of his chores and part of this can be going to bed without waking up, etc. If he wakes and one of his "excuses" is a drink, make sure there is a sippy cup of water (anything else is bad for the teeth) that he has access to.
Other than that, you are probably going to have to suck it up, it is a phase, it will pass, but continuing to give in to the behaviors will make it take longer and be more painful for you and your child.
Soothing one's self to sleep is a learned trait according to many parents I have spoken with as well as most of the experts. A great source is "The Happiest Baby on the Block"- you could check out the book or the DVD at your local library or buy it at the bookstore. Anyway, they have a great method for putting your baby or toddler down to bed at night. You basically put your child down and if they begin to cry or fuss you go in and check on them after 5 minutes. You soothe the child just by rubbing his back- do not pick up the child or lie down with him. Do not do this for very long- about a minute. Then walk out of the room and if the child continues to cry or fuss, wait another 10 minutes and go in and do the same soothing technique again. Walk out of the room- if the child continues to cry or fuss, go in again after another 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 25 minutes, etc. We have had to do this "training" twice with our baby and it has worked like a charm. We have only had to go past the 5 minute increment one time. Good luck!
Okay the only thing I could think of would be to give him some warm milk at night. One of my friend's has a two year-old that is nearly three and she didn't want to got to sleep either. I gave her the advice of using warm milk and it helped a little. Other than that I really don't think there's much you can do. Do Not put him in the bed with you once that starts it is a hard habbit to break!!!
out of the child's reach, leave a radio playing classical music at low volume. maybe leave a night light in his room too. if he understand the reward system, tell him if he sleeps in his bed all night, he can have a special treat the next day.
