Toddler bed/New Daycare Transition Issues! Please Help!

There is a thing called "over tired" where the child gets overstimulated, and exposed to all sorts of new ideas, concepts and other children. Changes do this to children too, and two major changes like that may be a bit tough... not impossible... just tough, esp at 2 years old.

We took a friend's 4yr old daughter in for almost two weeks when they went on a trip that she could not go on. They warned me that she always needed someone in the room with her to fall asleep, and had similar challenges like yours. Taking it a bit more, she needed someone sleeping with her. What I promised to help with was breaking her of sleeping with someone. What I couldn't promise for the short time was breaking her of having someone in the room when she fell asleep.

What we discovered was that when we made a promise with her that IF she woke up, it was ok for her to come get us, she was fine. She only came to find us twice.

We also broke out the lava lamps, the little light mobiles, read to her every night (we do that with each other sometimes, even now that the kids are teens-sounds silly, no?). had a nightlight (several cute ones), and light lullaby music. We kept the door open, and we did stay with her until she fell asleep.

She was not to be in my or my daughters' arms to fall asleep. She had to lie on the bed among all the stuffed toys, pillows, blankies, and anything SHE wanted around her. One of us would sit nearby reading, or holding her hand as she drifted off.

After a few days of this routine, she followed. She woke a few times screaming for help because she was scared (so were we-we thought something happened!) of having awakended alone in a dark room-hence all the lamps.

Give assurances through hugs and actions... set a routine with rewards. A routine works more while little ones can't grasp verbal concepts... The routine will be their security blanket. Don't jump at every gurgle, but be close.

Hope that helps...

I remember there came a time when my son was about 6-8 months old and he started waking up in the night, for whatever reason, binky was out, standing up and couldn't get back down, anyway being a very new mom and not knowing what to do..I called my smarty and very mom-ish older sister. She simply told me to let him cry it out. It was awful for the first couple of nights. But he finally understood, mommy wasn't coming in for silly reasons. He got the hang of it, and started sleeping through the night again. Thank goodness! I moved my son to a toddler bed when he was 18 months old. He was ready. I explained ( as well as you can at that age) this is your new bed. I took down the crib so he didn't have the option. Moved his favorite blanket and did the supernanny move, don't talk just put him in his bed. He caught on pretty quick. 2 nights into it. He went to bed, and stayed in bed. I'm a lucky woman. But if it were me, I would do the same as when he was little. Cry it out, throw a fit. In the end, mommy and daddy are law. This is your bed. It almost sounds cold, but it works for me. I hope this can help.

H.
I also am going throught this with my daughters. (3 and 18mo)
I think that it is just getting used to new things! A new bed and daycare is huge for your daughter. I think that you really need to reasure her that you will be back to get her. I think that she is just worried. As for the bed thing maybe a special dog that she only has at night that will keep her safe and keep her company. My daughters have shared a room for a year and when we separated them my 3 year old now has a light on in her room for the first time in her life...and not always just a few nights a week. We also got her a NEMO to keep her company. So maybe that will help you?? But I really think that you need to let ker know that you will be back and make sure that your daycare is aware of all this because maybe there is something that you need to know there!
Good luck
A.

I have a 21 month old daughter that we moved into a toddler bed because her baby brother is coming in a month or so. (so we needed the crib). We have never rocked her to sleep since she was about 4 months old. What has worked for us is having a consistent bedtime routine, (read 3-4 books ending with reading Good Night Moon, turn off the lights and sing 3 songs (the same 2 every night), say a prayer, and give kisses. We have had to revert to locking her in her room, because she just gets up and opens the door and thinks it is a game. So now I tell her, "Mommy is going to lock the door and you won't be able to open it. I love you and will see you in the morning" The first night she cried for awhile so I went in without talking and put her in her bed and kissed her then left. Now she checks to make sure the door is locked, but then goes to sleep. Most nights without crying unless she is worked up from the day. Sometimes she ends up on the floor, but I figure it doesn't hurt her so I guess I won't worry about it. Depending on the night I sometimes unlock the door so she can walk out in the morning. Hope this helps. =) J.

Hi H.,
My two year old daughter went through the EXACT same thing, and after taking some advice from my friend, she has slept in her bed uninterrupted through the night for 6 weeks now!!! You will get through this. It will take a little time, but your daughter will figure it out and you'll get your sleeping schedule back on track.
Here's what we did...
We'd do the normal bestime routine - bath, jammies, brush teeth, 4 little books on my lap, into bed and lights out with one little made up story told to her in the dark (with a hall light on for a sense of safety) - then I would de-emphasize the need to actually go to sleep. I would literally say, 'you don't have to go to sleep right now, but you do need to stay in your bed. if you stay in your bed for two minutes, I'll come back and check on you and give you kisses.' I'd just go as far as the hall, reassuring her all the time. The first few nights she'd cry the whole two minutes and get out of bed and everything - but I'd do what you described about not saying a word, and not really holding her, and just putting her in the bed. If she DID stay in bed the whole two minutes, I'd get really excited and praise her big time. She loved it. She finally got the idea that staying in her bed was a good deal. Then I slowly increased the time away from two, to three, to five, then seven, then ten minutes. Each time, coming back in to check on her, giving soft kisses and reassuring her that I'd be back in whatever time frame was coming next. Usually after the second or third time being out of the room for 10 minutes, she'd be completely asleep.
Also, we instituted a reward system. I told her at bedtime that if she stayed in her bed all night long that she would get a sticker in the morning. She'd get a sticker and put it on the calendar for that day. When she'd gotten a month full of stickers, she was given a present. (we bought her a new paint set and watercolor paper) She really liked this and would talk about the stickers at bedtime. She'd say, "i sleep like a big girl and get a sticker in the morning." It was really cute.
Now and average bedtime includes me finishing the bedtime routine, and then:
say I'm going to leave for 2 minutes,
come back after 2 minutes, give a kiss,
say I'm going to leave for 5 minutes,
come back after 5 minutes, give a kiss,
say I'm going to leave for 10 minutes,
come back after 10 minutes, and she's asleep.
If she wakes up at all during the night, my husband or I just come in and adjust her blankets and reassure her and remind her of the sticker deal, and she responds by telling us to go lay down in our bed.
This from a girl who used to get up 2 to 3 times a night and climb into our bed with us. I was amazed by how this worked.

I know just where you are in this. We were so worried that our daughter was abnormally and unhealthily attached to us. She just needed some tools to use during the transition.

OH, and another thing that has really worked is to show her how to relax with some deep breaths. I had her imitate me taking a deep breath in and exhalling slowly through my mouth. Showing her this tool really helped. If she's really wound up, in our out of bed, I can tell her to use her breath and she goes right into taking slow deep breaths. It's the coolest thing to see her do this!!

Anyhow - sorry for the long note - but I didn't find a single book that described this technique exactly like this. It's been a huge positive impact on our lives. SO important that our kids don't feel pressured to sleep right away. Helping our daughter calm down and feel like she was in control was key.

GOOD LUCK!!
J.

we are in an extremely similar state of affairs over here. we started preschool the same week as moving out 2yo daughter to a big girl bed. the first 2 nights i fell for it and stayed with her until she fell asleep. but the third night i brought the timer with me to her room and told her i would set it for 5 minutes and that when it went off I had to go to my own bed and got to sleep there. she totally fell for it. we did that for a few nights and now it's 2 stories and lights out.

with the daycare thing, we did the exact same thing. took the timer, set it, and then i hand her to her favorite teacher for an official transition. she still cries for about 5-15 minutes after we leave (i always ask the teacher how long she cried for : ), but then she's fine for the rest of the day. the timer is helpful because she knows i am going to follow through with whatever i told her we were going to do when it goes off.

good luck.

For my youngest, the best thing we ever did was establish a very predictable, regular, bedtime routine that we follow every single night. We start with bathtime, brush teeth, read four books, read one Bible story, then we race to see who can get to her bed first. We make sure there's a glass of water near her bed, (in case she gets thirsty - though I'm almost certain, she has never used it.) I talk to her for a few minutes, then she's allowed to lie in bed with the lights on and soft music until she drifts off. When we first started this routine she got up 12 times. We returned her to bed without much comment. On a couple of nights, she cried herself to sleep. After about a week, she rarely gets up. Before we go to bed we turn the lights and music off, and voila! She still, from time to time, - okay every night - gets into bed with us at like 4 or 5 in the morning, and is so very quiet about it, we don't even wake up, but I figure she gets a pretty solid night anyway - and so do my husband and I.

With my oldest daughter - she cried every single time I left her at Kid's Club before kindergarten. She did this every day for an entire year. It was so difficult and heartbreaking. However, I will say that I found comfort that the Kid's Club facilitator told me that the minute I walked out the door, the tears stopped. Kids can be manipulative, even unintentionally some times.

I have struggled with both of these issues as I think most mothers do. Both of my sons had a hard time transitioning into new daycares.I found the only way to lower the stress is to reassure them as you walk in the doors that you will be back and offer a reward for "smiles" as you leave them there. Make a quick getaway. You will soon realize it doesn't matter how long you stay, the reaction will be the same from your child as you leave.Sometimes staying makes it worse on everyone.
As for bedtime...the biggest stress of my life!! The thing that works best for me is the "goodnight fairy". I have offered this advice before and other mothers seem to like the method. I have told my sons that if they sleep through the night in their own beds with minimal help that the "goodnight fairy" will visit them while sleeping and leave a special treat under their pillow. I've given them stickers, small items from the dollar store, small candies etc. It has worked wonders. Once the child has a full week on their own the fairy is no longer needed expect for an occasional visit. You can even give them a certificate for completing the "goodnight fairy" Big Kid sleep training! My boys just loved it...Good Luck!

I would say that two new HUGE transitions in one week is probably the cause of her sudden change, which I'm sure you realize. I would guess that she is a bit insecure about what it all means and wants to make sure you are still there. While I'm sure you already know this, try to be firm, consistent and loving. You already know what to do at bedtime. Just keep it up. Tell her it's bedtime and after your normal ritual, just keep putting her back in bed and don't say much at all. She will eventually stop waking up. As far as daycare goes, staying with her because she asks is only giving her the power and taking it away from you. Stay consistent. Take her in, say good bye and leave....staying only makes it worse. As you said it wouldn't matter if you stayed 5 mins or 5 hours. Don't prolong the inevitable. She will eventually grow out of it. I used to work at a preschool/daycare and when parents "stayed" to make it easier for their kids.....it made it worse. Trust your instincts, it already sounds to me like you know what to do. Good Luck!