Help! Not Sure What to Do About 7 Yr. Duaghter's Actions and Feelings.

hi C.-

it must be something with the age 7. my step-daughter is in a funk of some sort too. i do not have any advice. i do have a theory that my sd is in a transition fase. she is not yet into the older kid stuff (high school musical, clothes that match, music), but is to old for the baby stuff. i see her seeking extra attention for cuts and bruises, and the bedtime routine. we make sure she gets her needs met, while encouraging her to be more independant. she and i started haveing "girl talks" in bed on a sat morning. she gets a little extra attention and i get to check in with her to make sure she is ok.

her mom put her in therapy. i think sometime there are just some bumps in the road. i wish i could i be 7 again :)

hi. listen to what she is saying!!! if she feel like you don't love her... that is her reality. what i did with my boy at this stage was when he got hurt, the world would stop. i would grab him up,plop my buns on the floor, and hold him. exaggerating to the point of do we need to call an ambulance? i know that sounds crazy,but it worked like a charm. a few times of, oh my baby are you ok? then he started... it's not that big of a deal mom.
the other thing is maybe you can schedule "girl dates" anything along that line to pull her close to you. i really believe that we have to go to any lengths to make sure our children feel wanted. now, that may be my own issue. don't know. what i do know is it feels terrible to feel unwanted by your parents.
this is what will give her independence. when she knows she has a good foundation, and it's not going anywhere, then she'll want to fly!
you would truly get a kick out of this response, if you knew me. everyone says i have such a hard "outer shell"... i tell them i have a mushy center! good luck!

It might be the age. My sister just told me today that her 7-year-old daughter got her haircut for the first time in a long time (she is the one who WANTED it cut). After she got about 5 inches cut off, she came home and started throwing things, kicking things, punching pillows, crying and carrying on. My sister said she didn't even recognize her because of this behavior. So dramatic! Now also - and I have to think back a bit because my son is now 14 - but I remember when he was about 7 and 8 (it went on for a long time) and would constantly ask me, "Mom, do you love me?" "I mean, do you really love me or are you just saying that because you're supposed to." Then it would go into a lot of self-hate stuff, "I wish I wasn't even born," "I feel like you hate me," "I'm so stupid," etc. I thought, what in the world did I do to my kid? All I did was play baseball and hockey with him and games with him,tell him how smart he was, praise him, etc. from the time he could walk! Plus, I am very demonstrative - hugged him, kissed him, told him I loved him. Anyway, he's 14 now and does not ask me questions like that anymore. He tells me, "You're the best mom in the whole world" (yes, even at this age :) I must say that he was an extremely anxious child and has been on Prozac for a couple of years (and I just started anti-anxiety meds myself), so I don't know if it really was the age or if he just had intense anxiety which caused him to question my love for him...I don't know. But if it continues, you may want to ask your pediatrician about anxiety or depression. I wish I would have done that sooner with my son because he went through a lot of needless worry just because his little brain (and mine too) and it's synapses fire differently than everyone else's. Anxiety (and depression) cannot be helped and they are definitely hereditary. It's just the way it is. Sorry to ramble on. Hang in there and see how she does for a bit, but I would have it checked out if it gets out of control. A little bit of drama is normal, but if she's anything like my son, she may need a bit of help. What an awesome mom you are to even be questioning it instead of just ignoring it. I used to feel so sad and helpless when my son would say things like that. Just keep the anxiety thing in the back of your mind...

Did you kidnap my 7 year old daughter?!? Maybe it is just the age! In all honesty, my daughter did see a therapist for about 6 months and it helped a ton. I would highly recommend it. It really helped me to understand what she was feeling. In the beginning, the therapist talked with both of us. After my daughter was more comfortable with him, he would talk to her by herself and then I would come in at the end. Sometimes he would send her on "erands" for him so that he could talk about things without her hearing. One of the things he recommended was to have something that was OK to hit. That way, when she was very frustrated, she could go to that and not risk hurting herself or someone else in the house. It sounds like you are giving her as much attention as you possibly can. Don't be to hard on yourself. My daughter also did the "you don't love me" bit. The therapist fixed it. He was just wonderful. He helped to change both of our expectations. 7 is still so young. I dread the teen years, now. Good luck! Be patient, she'll come around.

C.,

I can remember feeling this way at about this age! I think it's all just trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in your family....I wonder if the counselor at school might be a good resource? I also like the idea of you having a mother/daughter date with your oldest. Do you let your oldest be your "special helper" with the little ones and really play up how much her sisters look up to her and love her. I hope everything works out! Good luck!