Help Needed with Daughter Changing Clothes All the Time

N.,

I have 2 year old boy and he doesn't do that as much as he doesn't want to take off his PJ's or slippers or whatever for daycare. He has gone to daycare in his slippers before and had them on when I picked him up. Oh well. He also only wants to wear "dis coat" or "dis shoes" sometimes.

I think they are just trying to grasp some independence. So, what I've done is give him a choice, "Do you want the white shoes or the brown ones?" "Do you want peaches or applesauce?". Things like that. I give him a choice between two acceptable options and he thinks he's deciding.

With your daughter, it seems that she's taken this further than you would like. I would stick to limiting the amount of times that she changes. Perhaps you can pick out two shirts and two pairs of pants and say, "Today you can choose to wear any of these clothes when you want, but that's it." Maybe start with three of each to be consistent with your current rule and then drop down to two of each.

Hopefully, it will be a phase (the slippers were with my son) and she will grow out of it. I do like the idea of giving her a doll she can change 100 times if she wants!

Good luck.

T.

I hope you don't take offense to this question but, does she observe you changing several times when deciding on outfits? Also, I would not even entertain 3 changes a day. I would dress her in one outfit and leave it at that. You can't let her dictate how it's going to be. If you do,you will see her doing this in other areas as well. There is no magic answer to this. Basically you need to stop it instead of giving in.

This sure sounds like my 5 yr old grandaughter. She has gotten somewhat better but she loves to pick out her clothes to wear. I think your daughter is going through a phase of making you own decisions on what she wants. Don't worry, she will get better and will calm down on the subject once other things take over her mind.

Yes, it's a phase. My daughter went through it with outfits, socks, shoes, she would only wear pink, no other color, she didn't like her hair. It was a struggle, but now at 4.5 she's becoming much more reasonable :). My suggestion would be to let her change as often as she wants when it doesn't matter, tell her she has to pick an outfit and stick to it no matter how much she cries, when you have to go somewhere, and make her pick up her clothes after herself before she puts on a new one. Most of all you have to remove yourself from the situation as much as you can - that's hard, I know - but taking a deep breathe and walking away saves some of the fights. Now when you have to put your foot down and go somewhere, give yourself plenty of time to allow for the struggle. That was when I would lose it the most - when we were pressed for time.

Anyway, good luck! Oh, and preschool and ballet helped my daughter - she knew I wouldn't take her if she didn't get her act together and get dressed - and those activities were more important than her "obessession"!

N.,
Children this age are all about what they can control in their own lives. With some, it is eating (my son chose this one), for other's it's the potty thing. It seems anything that they can do to control an aspect of their own lives, they latch on to. Your daughter, chose changing clothes. The bad news is that she's gotten into a habit, and it's going to be very tough to break it now. But you will have to set expectations, and boundaries. Clearly explain the rules, and how you expect your daughter to follow them, and what the consequences are if she doesn't. If you have to, create a large chart to track rewards (this is really big with all of the Nanny Shows on TV). Right now, she understands that she can get away with this type of behavior. It's going to be a battle, but you have to be consistent. In addition to your "home" rules, set up "away" rules as well. Prior to leaving the house, explain to your daughter where you are going and what behavior you expect out of her. Once you get home, reward her good behavior, or follow through with the consequences you set up prior to leaving if she does not behave. The key is clear communication & consistency.

At the same time, I would also try something like the American Girl doll. There are all kinds of little outfits and accessories. Let her change her doll 3 - 4 times a day. (There are other variations to the American Girl Doll - but I love the stories behind these dolls.) This gives her a chance to show off her individuality, and let's her feel like she's got some control in her life. It will also save you a ton in laundry. :)

Good Luck to you!

My 5 yr old changes clothes at least 2 -3 times b/4 she leaves for school. I let her as long as she is ready by the time we need to leave. She is very much an individual, so she may go to school in a mismatched outfit, or wear pants with a skirt over it. I let her dress as she wants as long as it is appropriate for school/weather. It has gotten better as I do not fret about it as much anymore. This is her personality and I am embracing it.

Maybe have her lay out 2 outfits at night and then she has to choose between the two.

Good luck.

I came across your concern as I was searching for answers for the same issue I have. Does your daughter still continue to do this? We took my 4yr old to a child psychologist. They tell me she is suffering from axiety. I am trying to cope but I am hoping she will out grow this.